To end a friendship due to his use of sex workers?

[Cornishjam1162]

It has recently come to light that a friend of 15 years is a regular customer of sex workers. We have always wondered why he never wanted to date again after getting a divorce and now it makes sense. I would have never had him down as the type and I'm shocked to say the least. I don't know the circumstances behind why the women do that line of work but there's always the risk that they're not doing it out of their own free will isn't there? I feel like he could well be exploiting vulnerable women.

Would you end a friendship over this? Am I being too judgemental?

That’s horrific, that whole quote. ‘Fucked her a bit hard’. We all know what that means. Rapist.

I would not, and could not, be friends with a man who does this.

It’s exploitation of the worst kind, and viewing women’s bodies like they’re pieces of meat to be bought.

End your friendship - and tell him why.

YANBU. Grim. I couldn't be friends with a man who thought Women's bodies were commodities to be bought and used.

Those saying its rape, are absolutely correct.

you cannot purchase consent.

I have worked with sex workers previosly, a long time ago now, in a therapy role. Every single one of them thought at the time they were getting into the industry because they were convinced into it by men telling them 'you'll have control', 'you'll have the power of the men' 'you'll be irrisstable', 'you'll be rich'.

ALL of them had trauma in their past from abuse to rape. All of them wanted more than anything to have that control back, to feel like a person and not just something to be used and thrown away. They were all vulnerable at the time they started in this horrifc industry.

Every single one of them said that the realisation that they did not have control, they did not have the power back, they were instead back in the same situation being used and tossed aside as a nothing by men was so painful to come to terms with. And the emotional trauma that left was immense. So yes, initially they had been convinced they could do it, and they did, but later did realise it was sold to them. I would certainly call this coercion of someone already very vulnerable.

As far as I am concerned, any man who bought any of those women I met WAS a rapist, because he had no idea what their past was, what trauma they had suffered and didn't care about whether they actually wanted this or not.
I couldn't be friends with someone who used prostitutes. Because that someone has no idea about the person he is having sex with, and does not care if it is not something she actually wants to do, or has the mental emotional capacity to cope with it.

I have very strong opinions on men who use prostitutes, because of my experience in meeting and trying to help these women. I know it isn't indicative of all sex workers, but it was indicative of 100% of the many I met.

I ended a friendship when I found out a guy used onlyfans. So my bar is even higher than that.

If I get one sniff from a guy I am datings social media he has porn / weird ‘followers’ etc he is done also. I remember looking at one I had me ton Bumble went onto his ‘followers’ list and he had two weird sex OF type woman on there. All foreign language. When I looked him up on facebook the language it defaulted to was Thai - which is another weird sign.

I had the porn industy / onlyfans / liberal feminism merry go round - it is not empowering to woman in the slightest. The men who use prostitutes are disgusting - I actually think its less about sex and more about control the older I am getting.

@Bookworm20

Those saying its rape, are absolutely correct.

you cannot purchase consent.

I have worked with sex workers previosly, a long time ago now, in a therapy role. Every single one of them thought at the time they were getting into the industry because they were convinced into it by men telling them 'you'll have control', 'you'll have the power of the men' 'you'll be irrisstable', 'you'll be rich'.

ALL of them had trauma in their past from abuse to rape. All of them wanted more than anything to have that control back, to feel like a person and not just something to be used and thrown away. They were all vulnerable at the time they started in this horrifc industry.

Every single one of them said that the realisation that they did not have control, they did not have the power back, they were instead back in the same situation being used and tossed aside as a nothing by men was so painful to come to terms with. And the emotional trauma that left was immense. So yes, initially they had been convinced they could do it, and they did, but later did realise it was sold to them. I would certainly call this coercion of someone already very vulnerable.

As far as I am concerned, any man who bought any of those women I met WAS a rapist, because he had no idea what their past was, what trauma they had suffered and didn't care about whether they actually wanted this or not.
I couldn't be friends with someone who used prostitutes. Because that someone has no idea about the person he is having sex with, and does not care if it is not something she actually wants to do, or has the mental emotional capacity to cope with it.

I have very strong opinions on men who use prostitutes, because of my experience in meeting and trying to help these women. I know it isn't indicative of all sex workers, but it was indicative of 100% of the many I met.

I work in a sexual health role and I would 150% agree with everything here Along with onlyfans and porn

@moofolk

I just picked this at random from Punter net.

A lovely site where punters can review their experiences.

Tell me this isn't rapey. Her inexperience and clear lack of enjoyment is her problem, and clearly gives the reviewer no cause to reflect on his own behaviour.

Grim, but no doubt many are much worse.

"So i had not booked so turned up to be greated by 3 girls available Victoria, Sasha and Serena. Went against my better judgement of a very attractive petite younger girl.

Got in the room typical have a shower be back in 5. Wasnt even finished drying off when she came in. Asked would i like a massage so yes why not. Then asked what am i after I opted for GFE she said yes thats okay (quickly found she doesnt offer this) tomd her its her 2nd shift so she is new and then strangely she asked to check my cock out as she wants to be safe when offering owo, fair enough i didnt mind i dont have anything and she is thinking of her safety however its the 1st time ive ever been asked that. She then say oh hun there are little bumps round the edge do you mind if i use condom, at this point i knew she is inexperienced these are glands that make up the tissue of the penis and completely normal. Anyways on with the hood and to be fair she gave amazing head. Quite soon in said to tell her when im ready to fuck her. Before this i wanted to taste her she was okay with this i asked her sit on my face she said okay but she has been gym doing leg day so might not last long, she didnt she asked me to lick her lying down, this didnt last long either she wanted to go straight to fucking so at that point i knew she was just rushing the service. I asked her go on top she got on and immediately went nope my legs so cN i go on top, i did then come the face sex noises and oh im cumming, tried putting hand on her neck slightly choke (oh my chest), tried kissing (oh i dont kiss) after within seconds omg ive cum. I asked her go on her knees for doggy (she put lube on clearly didnt cum) went at it from behind tried grabbing hair (dont pull my hair) i just wanted to finish at this point and because i can control when i cum fucked a bit hard and did. Got dressed paid and left.

Overall terrible experience she clearly didnt know what she was doing, hadnt done this before joining the parlour, doesnt know what gfe is. All looks with no substance. Should advertise what she doesnt do rather than does. Only redeeming factor is she can suck dick"

If anyone believes the "happy hooker" myth, re-read this. This isn't a particularly nasty example, but absolutely standard of the type of man who uses prostitutes.

@Nothanksloveimgood-
I'm so sorry, but thank you for being so honest and open. Sending you all my very best and a hug.

How did you find out? Did he just casually mention it??!!

Do you think he'd be interested in reading this thread? Or is that too much to hope for?

Jaynisumers
www.ukpunting.com/index.php?board=25.0
Reporting your link I looked at a negative review out of interest. What I read made my stomach churn. Discussion of her body, parts etc beyond vile. Poor girl she sounded like she was trying to be friendly whilst he really saw her as a performing circus animal. What's really stood out for me is " is this how men view women?" Of course I know not, but it's making me wonder.... sickening

Vile, absolutely vile. I couldn’t be friends with someone involved in this.
In response to why doesn’t he understand the true issues, think how many people think it’s fine to do drugs, refusing to even think about the trail of exploitation involved in that trade.

He’s deluding himself that they are friends, unless they are the kind of friend who ring up to suggest s trip to the cinema, pub lunch etc

@twinklystar23

Jaynisumers www.ukpunting.com/index.php?board=25.0 Reporting your link I looked at a negative review out of interest. What I read made my stomach churn. Discussion of her body, parts etc beyond vile. Poor girl she sounded like she was trying to be friendly whilst he really saw her as a performing circus animal. What's really stood out for me is " is this how men view women?" Of course I know not, but it's making me wonder.... sickening

It is how alot of men view woman And thankfully we now have the resources to read through and confirm that a wealth of them see us like a piece of meat to be sexually exploited

In my career I have seen many men cheat and use prostitutes all entirely unbeknown to their families friends and obviously wives
It is really desperate and hard to find a decent man

I would cut ties, he’s exploiting women.

I can kinda see how he could convince himself that they like it. My friend used to do it and at the time convinced herself, me, and her customers that it was because she was a “nympho” who just wanted to make money out of the casual sex she’d have been having anyway.

Years after she stopped doing it l, she eventually came to terms with the fact that she was abused as a child, that it was all linked to that, and that she hated the sex work really. Had a lot of issues to work through!

I don’t judge the women - they have a lot going on - but the men should know better.

Being a 50 year old, single man, I can see both sides of the argument.
Personally I couldn’t do it. I’d have no self respect. It would be difficult to find someone not being exploited in some way.
I did research it as the thought of sharing my life with someone new in a relationship is a long way off.

You’re kidding yourselves if you think there aren’t women who do it because they enjoy it and like the money. They may do it a few times a month.
He may only be seeing one. He should be aware there is exploitation.
It’s likely he was badly hurt by his last relationship and needs to work through it.
You can’t like everything about people. Some people are Tories and have friends. Voting for a party that sends people to Rwanda is unforgivable

Voting for a party that sends people to Rwanda is unforgivable

You know this is a new plan right? I'd imagine the tory voters didn't have a magic ball and see this was going to happen

@bigbak

Being a 50 year old, single man, I can see both sides of the argument. Personally I couldn’t do it. I’d have no self respect. It would be difficult to find someone not being exploited in some way. I did research it as the thought of sharing my life with someone new in a relationship is a long way off.

You’re kidding yourselves if you think there aren’t women who do it because they enjoy it and like the money. They may do it a few times a month.
He may only be seeing one. He should be aware there is exploitation.
It’s likely he was badly hurt by his last relationship and needs to work through it.
You can’t like everything about people. Some people are Tories and have friends. Voting for a party that sends people to Rwanda is unforgivable

I’m sorry but you clearly know very little about women if you think some of them freely enjoy it. A normal, healthy woman would not enjoy that. It just doesn’t make sense. Or at least it’s incredibly rare.

An old boyfriend has a friend who was an escort who “enjoyed it” loved sex so much so may as well get paid for it blah blah blah. When I met her however, she claimed she hated it and looking back it was a very low point of her life which has altered how she views men, she hates all men and trusts no men. I do think women tell their story differently depending on their audience and their current situation in life.

I have no doubts she told my ex (her friend, not customer) she loved the lifestyle. However she’s now a lesbian working for a women’s shelter assisting sex workers to end that lifestyle and offering counseling to them.

If women loved it so much they’d be doing it for free (sex clubs) as they’d have choice over who they get to have sex with.

I feel so sorry for these women, having revolting men wiggle all over them and ejaculate over or in them just makes me want to vomit. And the men think they have the right to this because they have paid. Disgusting

Eeeewwwwww. No. That is not a good person. Rotten at the core, I would say.

NowNowDermot · 11/04/2022 11:52

"Consent can't be bought, I couldn't continue a friendship with him, he'd make my skin crawl."

You're not buying consent you're paying for a service. The sex worker agrees to do whatever it is they're being paid to do in return for payment as is the case with all jobs. If they don't consent to any of it they aren't a worker but a slave.

@Shakirasma

Regardless of the woman's circumstances, any man who believes a woman's body is a commodity to be rented, like a car or a skip, is a scumbag. They cannot possibly have any respect for women as human beings, not do they deserve a scrap of mine. I could not remain friends with them.

This ^ x 100

BuanoKubiamVej · 11/04/2022 12:22

"I wouldn't want a friend who thinks it's ok to buy sex, it's abhorrent. It's impossible to fully assess whether any individual sex worker has got into that situation with fully informed consent and without it being a reaction to a past trauma or exploitation that needs healing rather than being taken advantage of."

You can say that of a lot of people in a lot of jobs. Do you know the conditions of the people who made all your clothes, electronics or picked your food? It's highly unlikely someone wasn't poorly treated somewhere along the line and you have directly or indirectly paid for that.

Plus, it is a huge exaggeration to claim everyone in the sex industry is forced or a trauma victim. If you bothered to listen to the voices of sex workers rather than feminists they are plenty who will help give you are more balanced view. Serious studies (not feminist ones) also show a very difference picture of the realities of the sex industry, in this country a least.

"Therefore any moral person would have nothing to do with it. It's also repellant for sex to be portrayed as a buyable service rather than an aspect of a loving and committed relationship (so I would be just as unlikely to have a friend who had a series of one-night stands with dates who he wined and dined and then expected sex from as that's not that far away conceptually)"

Quite the puritan, aren't you? Has it ever occurred to you that some women also enjoy one night stands or casual relationships, quick flings, affairs etc. and quite like men to buy them drinks or take them out for a meal knowing full well what he'd like to happen at the end of the night?

He might hope of sex, he might even expect sex but unless he's forcing them taking someone out for dinner hardly constitutes a great sin, does it?

I couldn’t be friends with someone who used women like receptacles. I’ve abandoned quite a few old friendships with men and women who have terrible attitudes towards women’s bodies and prostitutes. I’ve known a few prostitutes (their terminology) and not one of them enjoyed it or did it through anything other than desperation and necessity. Not a single one enjoyed it and I don’t know any who aren’t traumatised by the experience.

I have female pals who call themselves sex workers because they wiggle their toes at a webcam and bleat on about bodily autonomy, liberal feminism and choice but there’s a whole world of difference between wiggling your piggies from the safety of a webcam in your bedroom and giving up your entire body to a stranger.

I also have dominatrix friends who refuse to use the term sex worker because what they do isn’t related to sex. It’s the biggest faux pas for sex to get involved in their job - it seems counterintuitive given the kinks involved but they insist. Now they enjoy their jobs!

BiscuitLover3678 · 17/04/2022 14:31

"I’m sorry but you clearly know very little about women if you think some of them freely enjoy it. A normal, healthy woman would not enjoy that. It just doesn’t make sense. Or at least it’s incredibly rare."

Nice of you to speak for all women. How pleased we all are that we have BiscuitLover to be the voice of all womankind , especially for all 'normal, healthy women' (to hell with the unhealthy and abnormal ones, eh?).

It will make everything so much easier when it comes to market research or polling etc. You won't have to ask the opinions of lots of different women you can just ask the cookie chomper and she will tell you what all women think.

The issue of enjoyment isn't really that central. Some women will enjoy the job more than others but the point of any job isn't how much you like it but whether you agreed to do it and whether you prefer doing that to something else. I wouldn't work at all, certainly not at the job I do now, if I didn't need the money.

The most you can hope for in 99% of jobs is that you can tolerate them. It isn't enjoyment that gets me to work in the morning and even those jobs I really hated I wasn't a victim of enforcement or exploitation. I chose to apply and work for them.

It's not exactly difficult to imagine that some women would prefer to do porn or be escorts than a lot of other jobs. The latter is much better paid than many for a start and much less demanding of time. Not everyone views sex in the same way you do and that includes other women. Don't be so arrogant to assume you know what all women want or don't want just because you are a woman yourself. We are not a hive mind.