To feel jealous and irrationally annoyed by this woman's life?

[WalkingAcrossAFord]

Name change for this, as I don't want it linking to my other posts.

I met this woman (my neighbour,) 3 years ago when DH and I moved into this village. DH and I have been to the pub a few times with her and her DH, and she attends 2 of the same village groups as me. She is 2 years younger than me (I'm 52, she is 50,) and she is very proud of the fact that she doesn't work, and never intends to again.

She says she 'retired' at 46 after 30 years of working and has 'paid her dues.' She said it's wonderful to not have to work, and to never have to work again.

She lives in social housing (nice cottage too, on the edge of the village overlooking fields,) and her DH works part time - 4 days a week in a supermarket, and I just can't fathom how she does is/how they do it. They have a 5 year old car, and a 25 y.o. DD who is getting married in September, and they're giving them £5000 towards the wedding. They have also just booked a holiday to Greece for June!

I've said a few times 'you must be good with money, and very good at saving,' and even once said 'how do you do it, do you cope OK with one wage?' She just smiled and said 'we do all right. I have got my own income thanks.' What income would someone get in their late 40s? Can't be a pension!

I am actually annoyed at myself for feeling this way. I have another 15 years to work in a job I absolutely loathe. DH and myself don't have a pot to piss in, we have a car that's 20 years old that's held together with sellotape, and our mortgage makes up 45% of our joint salary(s.) DH and I work 45-50 hours a week some weeks, and never get any surplus income because there is always something to pay for, and ALWAYS something going wrong with our bloody house.

We have mutual friends in our 2 groups, and she is the only one who 'retired' at 45! I have spoken to a couple of women in the group about this, and they said it's nobody's business but hers. I know they're right, but I can't get rid of this deep resentment I have for her. She has the best life; finished work in her mid 40s, potters around their huge garden, goes for walks and bike rides, meets up with friends and family/her DD once a week, draws and paints and writes, sunbathes all day (some days) on the lawn in the summer, and sometimes lies in til 10am! I have been at work for 2 hours at that point!

AIBU to feel irrationally annoyed by this woman? She seems to have a blessed life, and I don't know how she does it. It CAN'T be an inheritance or big lottery win, otherwise they wouldn't be in social housing would they?

@worriedatthistime

The snottiness and misunderstanding of social housing on mumsnet is unbelievable , please read up a little before posting things on why we have social housinbg , why we should have more and that it doesn't cost you , actually could save if rent is being paid by benefits as to a more expensive private house rent being paid

That’s not quite true to be fair. You are missing the investment to buy the property, the costs associated with having resources to manage it from the build on. The rent doesn’t back ward cover this. And the council effectively never gets their investment back Unless it’s sold

For private landlords they pay between 20 and forty five percent tax on any profit, so that goes back in, but millions of people rent who are not on benefits. That profit is also taxed and it also goes back in and offsets the benefits.

On top of this when they sell the property they pay cgt, that alone is about 13 billion a year. The money the government takes back from private renting and second properties pays for the housing benefit people are given.

The housing associations are also no additional cost, the cost which is not recoverable is the initial investment to buy or build the houses. And the staff costs to manage that.

No one should be snotty about social housing, But we should be honest about the cost.

And the council effectively never gets their investment back

It does. Council housing built post war is now over 70 years old. It’s been paid for several times over by its tenants.

@Blossomtoes

And the council effectively never gets their investment back

It does. Council housing built post war is now over 70 years old. It’s been paid for several times over by its tenants.

No it’s not. The rent only covers staff costs and repairs, insurance etc. it doesn’t act as covering a mortgage payment type as well. That’s private. It’s not how it works with social housing.

I worked in housing policy. I know exactly how it works. There’s some social housing stock that’s washed its face several times.

I cannot believe how over invested you are!

[quote worriedatthistime]@Babyroobs why do you agree are you jealous of people in social housing, many who pay significant rent and but the house several times over
Why would people better themselves of they then would get evicted with 3 months notice and have to find several hundred more pounds a month and then go into unpredictable housing if they can even get rented
No what you should be advocating is more social housing , not knocking people for bettering themselves , its not a race to the bottom
Lifetime tenancies were for security as well , to give children and families a stable long term home [/quote]
I am not jealous of people living in social housing, far from it and yes I do believe there should be a lot more. But the poster I was agreeing with was saying that entitlement to social housing should be regularly re-assessed and I agree with that. In this situation it sounds like there are two adults able to work, so why shouldn't they be regularly checked to see whether they are more deserving than say for example a young family with limited income wanting a stable place to bring up their kids ?

It is so strange investing in other people's business like this.

My neighbours watch me coming and going all day, back from the supermarket, going off to yoga class with my mat-, walking in the forest, one commented at how lucky I am to be a "lady of leisure", not having to work or pay tax.
I just smiled.
No one knows that run a small business from home, usually work 7 days a week and earn more than I need.
I don't care if people want to second guess my life, I don't owe them any explanations.

Is it you feel resentful or are you intrigued?
I would not be jealous but I would be intrigued!

Don't listen to all the holier than thou people on here - they appear on every thread and just like making people fill bad.

Truth is we can all feel a bit hard done by and suffer from a bit of harmless envy from time to time. I'm in my 50s and work long hours in a stressful job like you, and I find myself getting irritated when one of my good friends moans about working so hard when she finishes work a good 3 hours earlier each day than I do and her husband cooks dinner as he gets home first, whereas my DH is retired but allergic to any form of cooking! But there's no malice in it, she's still my mate and there are other ways where I'm far luckier than her.

Perspective is important - when you find yourself envying someone, think to yourself what would it be like if I had to take on every aspect of that person's life - their job, partner, kids, money, health, looks, intelligence, brains, house, car, friends, relatives - everything! Believe me, you will soon find something you like about your own life much more.

Sounds like inheritance

@Babyroobs because the whole idea of having a secure tenancy is for the security , when do you consider someone earns enough to go private ? How do you determine that , we have no idea also if the lady can work or of the dh can only manage part time
Not evry illness os visable
Myself and my partner work we live in social housing I have already paid about £100000 in rent alone. I will pay this house over and over the cost of building it. Also why would people aim to do better of as soon as they did it was swiped away from them
The issue is greedy landlords with large portfolios making thousands not people working hard and living in social housing

@Ricksteinsfishwife My house cost around £60000 to build remember they aren't paying the market price
The rent covers staff costs and maintenance etc , not all private landlords pay loads of tax lets not forget lots of rich people use loopholes
And private renting being so high is why many are in poverty
Most ha do ok look at the records , they can manage ok our local one is one of the best paying companies around

@Ricksteinsfishwife you obviously don't know it all as out ha boight stock if the council at quite a good price and people will pay rent on those houses for years and many were bought 20 years ago houses were worth a lot less
They sell on sometimes as well bit if they purchase a house at 60000 and i live in for 25 years and pay £600 rent i have paid £15000 assuming the rent stayed the same which of course it doesn't . In that tome i may have had some repairs , a new boiler and a kitchen. Its unlikely they have spent £90000 on it and even if they had its swings and roundabouts because some houses have more spent on than others.
They can't run at a loss

[quote worriedatthistime]@Babyroobs because the whole idea of having a secure tenancy is for the security , when do you consider someone earns enough to go private ? How do you determine that , we have no idea also if the lady can work or of the dh can only manage part time
Not evry illness os visable
Myself and my partner work we live in social housing I have already paid about £100000 in rent alone. I will pay this house over and over the cost of building it. Also why would people aim to do better of as soon as they did it was swiped away from them
The issue is greedy landlords with large portfolios making thousands not people working hard and living in social housing[/quote]
Yes don't get me started on greedy landlords. There's no easy answers to the Uk's housing problems and of course we need more social housing. But who do you prioritize ? There are kids / young families who need stable homes so that kids can stay settled in one school and have security.

@Blossomtoes exactly how do they think Ha would continue to run if they always ran at a loss and rent purely covered wages and maintenance
Ha are still building houses albeit slowly so a bit more goverment investment would be helpful

She's probably on Only Fans

@Babyroobs ai prioritise pressure on government to build more social housing, less demand for private then it automatically brings the price down of private houses, ftb having first choice when houses go up for sale
I lost count of the times my brother & sil lost out on a house because it was bought by a landlord and they seem to get to view first and snap them up
Cap on private renting lots of little things to all add up

[quote worriedatthistime]@Babyroobs ai prioritise pressure on government to build more social housing, less demand for private then it automatically brings the price down of private houses, ftb having first choice when houses go up for sale
I lost count of the times my brother & sil lost out on a house because it was bought by a landlord and they seem to get to view first and snap them up
Cap on private renting lots of little things to all add up
[/quote]
It's awful isn't it and just getting worse for anyone trying to buy their own home.
This government won't build more social housing because the high rents benefit these tory voting landlords. So much in public funds paid out in the form of benefits to pay the mortgages of second/ third / fourth properties of landlords. It really is unbelievable that people keep voting for them.

You sound like a rubbish friend. I can’t believe you questioned her (although I like her answer!). The other people in your friendship group sound like nice people and they are absolutely right, it’s none of your business.

WalkingAcrossAFord, not that I give a shiny shite but she could have bought her council home?

MammaPee great comment.

[quote worriedatthistime]@Babyroobs ai prioritise pressure on government to build more social housing, less demand for private then it automatically brings the price down of private houses, ftb having first choice when houses go up for sale
I lost count of the times my brother & sil lost out on a house because it was bought by a landlord and they seem to get to view first and snap them up
Cap on private renting lots of little things to all add up
[/quote]
Yep, exactly this.

A HA had a big building programme in my area. I have a flat I rent out. Didn’t affect me at all as my tenants pay a reasonable rent for a decent place. The surge of social housing availability forced the shit landlords who were previously able to get away with massive rents for dire properties to either shape up or ship out.

It’s done wonders for the market locally.

If you are happy with the lifestyle you can afford life is so much more fulfilling. You have less stress when you stop trying to keep up with the Jones’s or wonder how they afford it.
My DH retired at 50 on a small pension, I work part time (I do earn the same as an average household income in 2 days which is helpful) and I will take my pension at 60 and continue to work part time to give us a comfortable lifestyle.
It’s about what you want out of life. If you are happy with your life there is no need to strive for more.
Both DH and I have had major health problems recently and I’m glad we both chose to retire in our fifties so we had a few years to take advantage of our health although the pandemic messed that up.
At least we didn’t have the pressure of financing our life while we have been unable to work.

I don’t think it sounds that extravagant, and wouldn’t enrage me with envy. She has worked previously so likely had savings for DD , or family passed on money at her DDs birth or something which if saved in an account for 20 odd years could easily have reached 5k. A nice sum of money but not unachievable on a low income over time, and wouldn’t go far on a wedding budget these days (my point being she likely isn’t paying the whole thing). A 5 year old car likely has no car payment and not much maintenance needed. 4 days in a supermarket may be equivalent to full time if longer hours worked on those days for example. If he’s been there a while he will be at top of pay band or may have a team lead/managerial role. Some supermarket’s pay rival council or other decent paying admin type roles. Her husband may have inheritance or other income streams/pensions if she doesn’t. You can can some cheap holiday packages to Greece especially early June (early season there) for like 5 days or something esp if self catering. I’ve known people in similar circumstances that are single income in low paid work that still drive and go abroad. I have relatives who while both working, don’t make a huge income but still holiday three times per year abroad work at least a week at a time. I worked for a housing association and their rent was guaranteed to be below market value so was cheaper than most rented places.

I thinks it natural though to compare and wonder how others do it when you are feeling stretched.

I would absolutely hate to have a friend or a neighbour like you. Judgey McJudgePants 🤣