To feel jealous and irrationally annoyed by this woman's life?

[WalkingAcrossAFord]

Name change for this, as I don't want it linking to my other posts.

I met this woman (my neighbour,) 3 years ago when DH and I moved into this village. DH and I have been to the pub a few times with her and her DH, and she attends 2 of the same village groups as me. She is 2 years younger than me (I'm 52, she is 50,) and she is very proud of the fact that she doesn't work, and never intends to again.

She says she 'retired' at 46 after 30 years of working and has 'paid her dues.' She said it's wonderful to not have to work, and to never have to work again.

She lives in social housing (nice cottage too, on the edge of the village overlooking fields,) and her DH works part time - 4 days a week in a supermarket, and I just can't fathom how she does is/how they do it. They have a 5 year old car, and a 25 y.o. DD who is getting married in September, and they're giving them £5000 towards the wedding. They have also just booked a holiday to Greece for June!

I've said a few times 'you must be good with money, and very good at saving,' and even once said 'how do you do it, do you cope OK with one wage?' She just smiled and said 'we do all right. I have got my own income thanks.' What income would someone get in their late 40s? Can't be a pension!

I am actually annoyed at myself for feeling this way. I have another 15 years to work in a job I absolutely loathe. DH and myself don't have a pot to piss in, we have a car that's 20 years old that's held together with sellotape, and our mortgage makes up 45% of our joint salary(s.) DH and I work 45-50 hours a week some weeks, and never get any surplus income because there is always something to pay for, and ALWAYS something going wrong with our bloody house.

We have mutual friends in our 2 groups, and she is the only one who 'retired' at 45! I have spoken to a couple of women in the group about this, and they said it's nobody's business but hers. I know they're right, but I can't get rid of this deep resentment I have for her. She has the best life; finished work in her mid 40s, potters around their huge garden, goes for walks and bike rides, meets up with friends and family/her DD once a week, draws and paints and writes, sunbathes all day (some days) on the lawn in the summer, and sometimes lies in til 10am! I have been at work for 2 hours at that point!

AIBU to feel irrationally annoyed by this woman? She seems to have a blessed life, and I don't know how she does it. It CAN'T be an inheritance or big lottery win, otherwise they wouldn't be in social housing would they?

I think your just trying to work out why she isn’t struggling and have nice things and she doesn’t work (that’s equates to being nosy and you sound jealous )
I am 45 and I don’t work due to health issues I own a brand new car so does my DH !
We bought house when we was very young so have no mortgage and dh has his own business and we have inheritance from Dh dad passing away ! (Only surviving child)
I guess my neighbours probably wonder but it’s none of anyone’s business ! If u have no equity in your property have u over paid more than it’s worth or do u have loans added onto your mortgage (I guess that’s your business) and it’s not my business just like your neighbour it’s not your business to know !! Btw u seem to know a lot about other peoples rents and who is in HA glad u ain’t my neighbour that’s for sure

You should be on the Go Compare advert.. But you should not think of comparing your own situation with others. nor asking this person about her lifestyle.. If you have become friends, that's all there is to it.

What income would someone get in their late 40s? confused Can't be a pension!

What buisness if is of yours? Seriously?

As for what income....inheritance, pension from retirement on ill-health grounds, lottery win...

No-one noticed the OP has disappeared now.
Made sure she left all the identifying info she could about the OP…(as I said upthread).
How the woman looks
Her former job
Her DHs job
She’s involved in two groups in the village etc.

It’s nasty and she knows it and she doesn’t have a clue how the OP “does it”.
I’ve said as much upthread.

The whole point of most social housing is that it is a lifetime tenancy to give people the stability that others who have a family with wealth/able to help with a mortgage deposit already have. Of course you don't lose your tenancy if your prospects improve - or it would be a disincentive to actually improve your life!
David Cameron got into all kind of ethical trouble for offering short term tenancies which offer absolutely no incentive or encouragement to better one's life and also leave very unstable communities where people are moving in and out all the time.
Local authority pensions are very good. Maybe she got a redundancy pay off too which allowed her to take her pension pot early? Maybe they have been very frugal savers all through their lives.
Stop comparing yourself to other people OP and look at how you can improve your own financial stability so you don't feel so stretched. Can you downsize now you're in your 50s or do you still have kids at home?
Also don't waste the last15 years of your working life in a job that you hate. Don't be so lazy - make change happen for you so you can enjoy your work

@WalkingAcrossAFord ERM, yes you do have more stability because you have an asset and she doesn't. It's up to you what you do with that asset.

I retired at 38. Shock horror.

Sorry posted too soon

I haven’t worked since I was 42. Because I have a seriously disabled DD and have to care for her.
My neighbour asks me all manner of fucking body questions - how much will our planned extension cost, am I going to be driving DD to school, will we get rid of our old car because I’ve now got a Motability car.
She’s one remark short of a fuck off

Just caught up on the full thread... OP are you sure you're in negative equity? Unless you're in a flat that you bought within the last 5 years that is very, very unlikely. House prices are racing. Worth getting a new valuation so you can work out your true position?

Probably on some kind of fiddle or illegal earnings. Maybe she is one of those non dom folk. Do they get social housing.

@Viviennemary

Probably on some kind of fiddle or illegal earnings. Maybe she is one of those non dom folk. Do they get social housing.

Back again with another sour-faced take on life, Viv. How grim it must look in your world.

I think you want to find out she has a dodgy sideline going on like online sex work or cannabis farming or something - those HA repair men that come round like a shot must know something after all.

Most likely inheritance. Most of my friendship group have lost both parents by their late forties. My dh inherited money in his early fifties. It's really not that unusual.

This woman doesn't have the life she has through sheer luck though. She's in this position because of one or/and two things:

1. The choices she makes. She chose not to buy, one DC, to spend little on clothes/hair/makeup. Maybe she chose to invest her money when she worked? Perhaps she chooses the cheapest options for utilities and services, groceries, household goods etc. too?

1. Tragedy. If she came into an inheritance at 46 yo, at least one parent has met an untimely end.

You could have made similar choices and I bet that if your parents were decent people, you'd choose them being alive over being able to retire.

I suggest finding a way past all this, life is far to short to waste on bitterness.

Dh retired at 48. People asking how we will manage for money are rude.

You are rude OP.

@SkirridHill

Sounds to me like you think she's fiddling benefits somehow. Sigh. You sound really bitter OP. Maybe work on getting a new job? A word of caution, too, that I'm sure your jealousy is transparent to your friends also.

How on earth does it sound likes she’s fiddling benefits?

What’s wrong with people, folks suggesting prostitution to benefit fraud. This is a woman in social housing, who hasn’t worked from mid forties, so possibly due to a hidden disability or illness, and a husband who works down the supermarket. Who has five grand she’s giving to her child and booking a holiday but otherwise lives very frugally.

Some very nasty replies, OP.
I don’t blame you for wondering, though. Maybe she’s had an inheritance, or won something on the Ernies/the lottery? Maybe not a massive amount, but enough to be comfortable on.

@Viviennemary

Probably on some kind of fiddle or illegal earnings. Maybe she is one of those non dom folk. Do they get social housing.

‘One of those non dom folk’ 😂. People tend to claim non dom status when they have billions that they don’t want to pay tax on. She hardly sounds like she’s living the life of a billionaire, does she? Her ‘crimes’ seem to be staying in bed until 10am and sunbathing.

Back again with another sour-faced take on life, Viv. How grim it must look in your world.

Ain't that the truth!

I agree @Blue4YOU, I think OP comes across as very nasty. It's a wonder she's still in the group if she's asking questions to other people on the sly.

And my friend, who I mentioned upthread, who has ME drives a Motability car. It's been adapted but you'd never know it from the outside, obviously. So it's possible the five year old car could be related to that...or not...either way it's not the OP's business.

I'm still agog that she's working 50 hour weeks and still knows (or is trying to find out) everyone's business. You'd think she'd be to exhausted to care.

@Ricksteinsfishwife There's been a glut of posts recently where people disingenuously claim to be baffled where people are getting their money from, but it boils down to a not particularly veiled attack on people claiming benefits.

I personally wasn't suggesting that the OPs neighbour is commiting benefit fraud - but I am suggesting that that is what the OP is implying.

I don't think people asking how you will manage retiring in your 40s are rude. Perfectly valid question and the type of question would be fine to ask friends usually.

@Viviennemary

Probably on some kind of fiddle or illegal earnings. Maybe she is one of those non dom folk. Do they get social housing.

Or she could just have an income that is, you know, none of the OP’s business?

That’s more probably the case.

Or would you go sharing the details of your finances with a random nosy prick neighbour?

OP, don't compare yourself or feel jealous. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes in her life. They could have inherited money, had a lottery win, absolutely anything could have happened that they aren't about to disclose. Rightly so, as their finances are none of anyone else's business. They could also be up to their eyes in debt. You just do not know.

Concentrate on what you're doing and your own life. I mean this in the nicest way possible! You'll never fully get to the bottom of anyone else, we all have our personal stuff going on behind closed doors which should stay private. Just be breezy and smile when she mentions what she's spent etc, don't ask questions. Take it all with a pinch of salt.

Getting a social housing home is like winning the lottery these days!