I should be so happy, but I’m so upset by my family’s reaction. I know MN is usually well in favour of the married couple to be doing whatever they wish, but just really want to vent and hear some similar stories. I want to preface this by saying I am my parents only child.
Me and my fiancé are due to welcome our baby girl in June after miscarriages and general misery. This pregnancy is going well and I am feeling a bit more hopeful each day that we will meet her. We really wanted to be married and have a lovely small family wedding before DC, but the first pregnancy was unplanned and stuck us on the TTC treadmill as we tried to regain what we had lost. We thankfully have, and now marriage is back on the cards. Before it stopped being a priority as the only thing I cared about was being pregnant again.
Now I am and we definitely want to get married before the baby is born. First and foremost, we want to be a legal family and cement that before she is here. Practically, we are also worried about the medical aspects of not being each other’s next of kin (particularly if anything goes wrong at birth). My partner is also a foreign national and if we are not married at birth it is notoriously difficult for her to get his citizenship without a lot of paperwork and expense. Financially too, he is worried about me being a SAHM and not having the legal protections of marriage, particularly if he died before we planned a wedding.
So we booked a registry office for next month and have given notice to marry. This would be our ‘legal’ wedding in jeans and trainers, just tick off all of the above. Our witnesses will be two friends. No one else.
I don’t want family there because I am still not very well and I’m terrified that something will happen to my baby. If my family are there then that ceremony becomes my wedding day and it will be forever tainted. Also, my fiancé’s family are not able to travel at the moment and I do not want my MIL and FIL to feel excluded. This ceremony is our legal protection together. Nothing more.
We do want a wedding though. Next year we are then going to take our family and friends on a destination wedding blessing next year and have bridesmaids, a cake, speeches and a nice party. When I am hopefully happier and in a better mental place after my daughter arriving safely.
I told my mother my plans (not set dates, just intentions) and she was furious and unkind. She is usually a lovely, non-toxic person. In her eyes, the vows are the most important thing and she is will be heartbroken if she doesn’t see them. She told me that if I am just going to see my marriage as a piece of paper, then I may as well bin my engagement ring and get a plastic one 
She eventually calmed down and sent me a text saying that she was sad, but I needed to do what was right for my family. I though this was her blessing and tried to talk to her a little more ‘would you like to know when we book somewhere?’ ‘Would you like pictures?’ but she quickly got angry and asked to be there. I explained all of the above, and she still didn’t get it and pulled faces. I have tried to get her excited about our ceremony next year, asking about bridesmaid’s dresses and planning dress shopping, but she rolled her eyes and said if my destination wedding guest list was so small then there was no point.
I’m at a loss of what to do. She keeps asking me about it but everything I say upsets her. I’m currently in the mindset that I want to just say “we’re not doing that because of how you have acted” but just go and do it anyway. And to tell no one. This is actually what my dad has advised…
But it just feels so untruthful 
I’m so excited to be married and this just feels like something else (like my pregnancy) that has been ruined.