Regret having 3rd child

[Newusername3kidss]

Have name changed as people know me on here. I know I am being unreasonable as children are a blessing and he was very much wanted but honestly if I could go back I wouldn’t have had a third. They are 8, 6 and 18 months and everything is just hard work because of the youngest.

Went on holiday last week and from the flight to every meal time to every painful bedtime all I kept thinking was we’d be having such a lovely time if it was just the 4 of us. My older boys are at thar brilliant stage where they are a bit independent but also want to spend time with me and I feel like I’m missing out so much as so much of my time and effort is spent with the youngest who just never stops. If someone out there has been in similar position please tell me it gets easier as I’m going under at the moment. We had such a great dynamic the 4 of us and I feel that rather than “completing” our family having a third has just messed it up.

@OnTheHillNotOverIt

I have a happy memory of a family trip to see the Hobbit or Fantastic Beasts. I said to the youngest, “Do you want to sit by me in case there are scary bits?” Youngest who was sat by eldest, looked at me and said, “No thank you. I’m alright. I’ve got my Polly.” 💕

“My polly”. That is the cutest thing ever!

Just about to get youngest to bed and my oldest just came up to give him a squeeze as he said “i just can’t resist he’s just so cute!”. There’s a lot of love going on and the youngest looks at the older two with pure adoration.

Mine are v similar ages, but are now 4, 8 and 11. I felt as you do at that stage. I used to feel that having a third had been almost entirely negative for my older two. However, the older the youngest gets the less I feel that my older two are losing out. The youngest no longer requires constant supervision, freeing up time to play a game or read with an older child. Increasingly, the 4 and 8 year old will play together, as the oldest is beginning to lose interest in playing(similarly there are now trips that the 4 and 8 year old enjoy but no longer the 11 year old).
I definitely do feel it is still a contant struggle to give each child enough individual attention, but it no longer feels overwhelming. The positives of having three are beginning to out weigh the negatives.
Hang in there, it definitely gets easier!

I’ve had moments where I thought that about my second - it’s not him per say, it’s the ‘babyness’ and the lack of ability to do anything at all. It becomes glaringly obvious when the older one, who isn’t that much older he’s nearly 2!, can undress himself, get coat and shoes on, wash himself, clean his teeth, tell me what he wants for breakfast etc etc

Just sit and wait it out, I don’t necessarily like looking after babies, I love it when they learn things and say new words or whatever.

@Edwina83

Mine are v similar ages, but are now 4, 8 and 11. I felt as you do at that stage. I used to feel that having a third had been almost entirely negative for my older two. However, the older the youngest gets the less I feel that my older two are losing out. The youngest no longer requires constant supervision, freeing up time to play a game or read with an older child. Increasingly, the 4 and 8 year old will play together, as the oldest is beginning to lose interest in playing(similarly there are now trips that the 4 and 8 year old enjoy but no longer the 11 year old). I definitely do feel it is still a contant struggle to give each child enough individual attention, but it no longer feels overwhelming. The positives of having three are beginning to out weigh the negatives. Hang in there, it definitely gets easier!

Thank you! That gives me hope!

If you are considering a third, have two close together, and there will be more than a seven year gap, don’t. My brother and sister are fifteen months apart; I am nine years young than my brother, the second child. It can lead to a long life of emotional and physical abuse; I know many youngest children have similar tales. Even as adults, the older siblings treat the younger as less than, not an equal.

Yes! I totally agree with you , our 3rd born male has wrecked our family

I think in the short to medium term you and your dh need to agree that the reality is someone needs to be looking after/holding the baby - and it can't always be you. It's not fair on your older dc to not get to do stuff or have to only do stuff that all 3 dc can do.

Also to accept that the holding the baby may go on for lots of years. Your older dc will soon want to do waterdsports and the like that dc3 will likely need to be 8+ so you've got lots of years of regularly spliting into 2 groups.

I think accepting this is key to happiness rather than expecting to be able to do everything together. Holidays will amplify this.

I don't have 3, but I wanted 3. For some reason, it felt like some kind of mania, and all reason went out of the window. No thoughts of going back to the baby stage/ agreed and considered beforehand etc mattered. In the end, we tried, I had a miscarriage and DH refused to try again as he didn't want a 3rd in the first place. I don't feel glad I didn't have a 3rd. But sometimes logic doesn't really come into the decision to have children!

I don’t think chestnutpony meant any harm. She wished she had third.
be gentle

This is me right now. I am struggling so much. I have a 16 and 12 year old, got a new partner and he wanted a kid so now have a 9 month old. I regret it so much. I was done, doing what I wanted every other weekend and now I’m back to baby 24/7. It’s so hard and I don’t know how to get over it. I love her so much but I’m forever pining for my old life and what could of been