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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you do this?

338 replies

Changename111 · 10/04/2022 10:17

Supposed to be having lunch with a few friends from work. One has just messaged me and said she has lost her bank card so if she transfers money can I withdraw it as cash.
I'm really not happy she's put me on this situation.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 10/04/2022 11:43

You are missing the point which is OPs visceral disdain over a friend asking to not even borrow money but to withdraw money she deposits into an account for her since she has no way to access said money quickly

If the request is non-genuine, this point is irrelevant. First - establish that the request is genuine. Second - establish if/how you are going to help.

Womencanlift · 10/04/2022 11:44

@mumda

Do grown up humans lose cards and keys and wallets?

If you have no cash on the house then consider someone else might have little cash in the bank and would really need the transfer to clear (is it instant? I don't transfer money to friends accounts so I have no idea) before being able to withdraw cash.

Of course grown up humans lose things - it is part of being human. Not in this case granted but there may be other reasons why people lose those items eg getting mugged, car stolen etc.

And yes if I transfer money to you then it will be available to lift straight away

I don’t know anyone who has cash in their house or their purse to be honest. I don’t even remember the last time I used a cash machine. Very likely pre lockdown

2pinkginsplease · 10/04/2022 11:44

Not sure what the problem is. My dh’s work colleague lost his bank car last weekend,, he transferred dh £40 this week and dh gave him the £40 so he had money to spend.

No concerns, no worries, no hassle, just helping a friend out,

LatteLady · 10/04/2022 11:44

I once had to do something similar when my purse was stolen... I was due to go out to dinner at a friends in the 90s and had to ring to cancel as I felt mortified that I did not have the money to buy a bottle of wine. They picked me up from the station and he took me to a local off license to buy a bottle of my choice. I was able to pay him back on the Monday when I had been to the bank, you will already have the money in your account, so frankly I do not see the issue.

OneTC · 10/04/2022 11:44

Would you do this?

Yeah Smile

BoredZelda · 10/04/2022 11:45

Can you have a quiet word with your colleague at lunch about this? Perhaps check with her if she can pay via another card? And if she doesn’t have any other cards she can pay with, could you ask her to transfer you her share of the lunch bill and then you just pay for her and you?

Or, do what she has been asked to do.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/04/2022 11:46

@Namechangeplease

Can you have a quiet word with your colleague at lunch about this? Perhaps check with her if she can pay via another card? And if she doesn’t have any other cards she can pay with, could you ask her to transfer you her share of the lunch bill and then you just pay for her and you?
Why is that better or easier than the colleague's suggested solution to the problem?

Is she a Nigerian Princess who is just waiting for 30 million pounds (that she secretly found unclaimed from a dead relative) to be released once sanctions have been lifted on her Russian bank account

Oh, have the scammers updated their patter to be more topical? I like it.

On the matter of people falling for scams, it seems that the one thing that makes it easy for criminals these days is that so many people seem to be reluctant to actually speak to each other, preferring to message each other, meaning that you have no idea if it's actually come from them, or has been intercepted by hackers.

CPL593H · 10/04/2022 11:46

Just when you think MN is full of threads about people being totally wet, doormattish and utterly unable to assert themselves, there is a gem like this, where a perfectly sensible request is treated as unreasonable. Perplexing.

User135792468 · 10/04/2022 11:47

Wow Op, you’re hard work. Maybe tell her your thoughts on helping someone out so she knows early on not to waste her time and energy with someone so self involved and selfish.

EV117 · 10/04/2022 11:48

What? Confused I don’t see the issue.

BoredZelda · 10/04/2022 11:49

You also can’t use the emergency codes at cash machines on a Sunday.

Of course you can.

monicagellerbing · 10/04/2022 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

oioimatey · 10/04/2022 11:49

I'm glad you're not my colleague or work 'friend'.

Onthelowdown · 10/04/2022 11:49
Confused
Snarferson · 10/04/2022 11:51

I really got get my head around how its "not appropriate" to ask a friend to do this Confused

Snarferson · 10/04/2022 11:51

*can not

daisychain01 · 10/04/2022 11:52

A lot of virtue-signalling on here - I would never do a bank transaction "without a second thought".

I would definitely do some verification checks with the work colleague before doing what was asked - that isn't being a bad friend, it's being responsible and security conscious.

  • check with the colleague by calling them and saying that you've received a text, can they please confirm the request has come from them, and what the request was.
  • check the money has arrived before withdrawing the cash. If the money hasn't been received in your bank account, and you have money problems / cash flow problems yourself, then it can put you in an awkward position if the money isn't in your account

It's all very well people saying what a mean horrible person the OP is, but we don't have the full backstory. The OP shouldn't be shamed and hounded off their own thread for not being 100% keen to say yes. As women we spend far too much time apologising and #being kind. We shouldn't have to do everything just because others expect us to.

WonderfulYou · 10/04/2022 11:54

I just think you'd sort this out yourself and not bother work colleagues

How?

Are you work colleagues who barely speak or are you work colleagues who chat and are friendly?

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve paid on my card for something and a colleague has transferred the money over or vice versa.
I wouldn’t think twice unless it’s someone I barely spoke to.

You sound like you’re not comfortable with online banking so maybe just say no sorry o can’t do that.

Canyouanswermyquestion · 10/04/2022 11:54

Im really sorry but you need....to....get....a...grip 😊

OneTC · 10/04/2022 11:54

It's all very well people saying what a mean horrible person the OP is, but we don't have the full backstory. The OP shouldn't be shamed and hounded off their own thread for not being 100% keen to say yes. As women we spend far too much time apologising and #being kind. We shouldn't have to do everything just because others expect us to.

Did we read the same OP?

Talkingtomycat247 · 10/04/2022 11:55

@Changename111

I just think you'd sort this out yourself and not bother work colleagues
It depends how they perceive their work colleagues I guess. If they think someone wouldn't mind helping out, then I don't see a problem with what they are asking. It's not as if she is asking you to lend her the money. The only mistake she has made as far as I can see is her misjudgment of your willingness to help.
SagittariusDwarf · 10/04/2022 11:55

Wow, you sound nice Hmm

chisanunian · 10/04/2022 11:55

Wow, the knives are out this morning, aren't they?

Antarcticant · 10/04/2022 11:56

@daisychain01

A lot of virtue-signalling on here - I would never do a bank transaction "without a second thought".

I would definitely do some verification checks with the work colleague before doing what was asked - that isn't being a bad friend, it's being responsible and security conscious.

  • check with the colleague by calling them and saying that you've received a text, can they please confirm the request has come from them, and what the request was.
  • check the money has arrived before withdrawing the cash. If the money hasn't been received in your bank account, and you have money problems / cash flow problems yourself, then it can put you in an awkward position if the money isn't in your account

It's all very well people saying what a mean horrible person the OP is, but we don't have the full backstory. The OP shouldn't be shamed and hounded off their own thread for not being 100% keen to say yes. As women we spend far too much time apologising and #being kind. We shouldn't have to do everything just because others expect us to.

100% this. Well said.
GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 10/04/2022 11:58

@Changename111

I just think you'd sort this out yourself and not bother work colleagues
But your post says friends not colleagues, obviously you're not much of a friend.