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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband ready to stay in with cocoa & slippers at 58

285 replies

Stressedout65 · 10/04/2022 00:46

I want to go & see a band, we'd be sitting down, but husband says he's too old for it. The band are from our younger days, are as old as us so audience is mainly going to be our age too. We've seen them before & I thought we had a nice time, so I got excited about seeing them again. I can go with a friend or on my own, but his too old/can't be assed to go attitude has taken the wind out of my sales. He's a brilliant husband in every other way, but is this it til we die? Our nights out together will be a nice meal then come straight home cos we're too full to stay out longer. I see other same age friend & her husband going out & having fun, while we're at home with our cocoa. Aibu?

OP posts:
CharSiu · 10/04/2022 11:11

As we get older the biggest change is actually having the confidence to say what you do and don’t like. That’s how I find myself anyway. I have never liked crowds so am happy to not do stuff like that anymore.

Unfortunately what you both enjoy has shifted but I do agree with @natureshere about needing stuff to bind you together.

DH and I had a walk along the river yesterday and talked about birdsong, DS, current affairs, how weirs work, power stations, problem drinking, inverted controllers and signs and sang old nursery rhymes together. We sat and drank coffee on a bench from a 30 year old flask that has seen better days whilst joking about what we call the Costa circular walk in the area and being curmudgeonly old gits.

TypicaIMe · 10/04/2022 11:11

@Quincythequince

LOl Typical 😂

I don’t even think you’re 50.
You’re behaving as if you are 12.

But as you were, keeping calling someone something despite repeated clarifications, and no actual written Evidence anywhere to support this.

Maybe go back and revisit some Magic key books to brush up on your comprehension - you could
do with it.

Am done playing chess with this pigeon that’s for sure!

Unclench.
Quincythequince · 10/04/2022 11:12

Yes, I sound very uptight don’t I
😆

latriciamcneal · 10/04/2022 11:14

Mine's 24 and like this. If I want wild nights I go with friends. Me and him do food and wine but nothing rowdy. It's just not him.

Keeponmoving2213 · 10/04/2022 11:15

@Quincythequince

Yes, I sound very uptight don’t I 😆
Tbh You do
TypicaIMe · 10/04/2022 11:16

@CharSiu

As we get older the biggest change is actually having the confidence to say what you do and don’t like. That’s how I find myself anyway. I have never liked crowds so am happy to not do stuff like that anymore.

Unfortunately what you both enjoy has shifted but I do agree with @natureshere about needing stuff to bind you together.

DH and I had a walk along the river yesterday and talked about birdsong, DS, current affairs, how weirs work, power stations, problem drinking, inverted controllers and signs and sang old nursery rhymes together. We sat and drank coffee on a bench from a 30 year old flask that has seen better days whilst joking about what we call the Costa circular walk in the area and being curmudgeonly old gits.

This sounds lovely. And exactly the sort of thing DH and I do! We also enjoy gigs and micropubs and theatre and crime dramas and reading and playing guitar and bass together. He's in his 30s, I'm 49. And that's my point - stereotypes regarding age are meaningless, people like what they like regardless of the year they happened to be born.

Which is why OP's DH's refusal to do something they used to enjoy on the sole grounds of he feels too old is such a shame.

TypicaIMe · 10/04/2022 11:17

@Quincythequince

Yes, I sound very uptight don’t I 😆
You said it! Grin
Keeponmoving2213 · 10/04/2022 11:18

You’ll be where he is soon enough OP

Keeponmoving2213 · 10/04/2022 11:19

So just enjoy with friends for the time being

Kennykenkencat · 10/04/2022 11:21

Sod staying in. Dh is like this and has been for years and he is only 6 years older than me.
It started when he was about 50 and he would say when I got to his age I would feel the same. I am a decade + older now and don’t feel anything other than f**k staying in.

Pre Covid I would go out at least once per week to see a band (not even one from my era) or a play or just to do something to feel I was alive.
I won’t stay in for anyone. I have to get away from the sound of the TV which Dh has on constantly. I am sure his obsession with tv game shows, soap operas and reality shows has done something to his brain.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/04/2022 11:22

@Keeponmoving2213

You’ll be where he is soon enough OP
@Keeponmoving2213

Lol you don’t even know her so not sure you can say that. Not everyone wants to stay home every evening as they get older. It’s not an inevitable fact!

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/04/2022 11:23

@Kennykenkencat

Sod staying in. Dh is like this and has been for years and he is only 6 years older than me. It started when he was about 50 and he would say when I got to his age I would feel the same. I am a decade + older now and don’t feel anything other than f**k staying in.

Pre Covid I would go out at least once per week to see a band (not even one from my era) or a play or just to do something to feel I was alive.
I won’t stay in for anyone. I have to get away from the sound of the TV which Dh has on constantly. I am sure his obsession with tv game shows, soap operas and reality shows has done something to his brain.

@Kennykenkencat Yessss! 🙌
Sswhinesthebest · 10/04/2022 11:27

The secret to a happy relationship I think, is finding some things you both enjoy, then doing other things with friends so that no one is having to do stuff they don’t want to.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/04/2022 11:27

I guess it’s a bit like -
I love holidays and travel abroad. I didn’t get much opportunity for it when younger so I guess I’m making up for lost time now. My husband also enjoys these trips and is great at planning them etc. If he suddenly stopped wanting to go I’d find that really hard. Hard to the point where it might jeopardise our future together tbh.

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 10/04/2022 11:27

Things are harder as we age! Why you are deliver being obtuse here, stumps me!

Mumsnet refuses to believe people age. It's odd.

Sswhinesthebest · 10/04/2022 11:29

Trips are more important to me than dh, so I go on some with, him but I’m increasingly going on more with friends.

I don’t want to force him but they are important to me.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 10/04/2022 11:31

YANBU to want to enjoy the band and have nice nights out.

YABU to expect your DH to want to too, or to go just to keep you happy! Go with a friend!

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2022 11:32

I'm in my 40s and single so going out and seeing friends is very important. Last night I went out for dinner around 7.30 and came home around 11. That's enough for me already in my 40s.
Was the live band at a pub or was it a proper concert? I might go to a pub with live music, but I wouldn't bother with a gig.

Keeponmoving2213 · 10/04/2022 11:33

@YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj

Things are harder as we age! Why you are deliver being obtuse here, stumps me!

Mumsnet refuses to believe people age. It's odd.

True

And they think of things that many older people enjoy…. Like staying in with cocoa and having an early night as somehow a bad and thing to do.

rookiemere · 10/04/2022 11:33

I suppose it depends what else he doesn't want to do.
It sounds like he will go for meals out, but not late nights, and not gigs.
To me it would be a problem if he also refused to go on holidays or days out, but if it's just gigs and drinking events then it hardly seems a terminal issue.

Keeponmoving2213 · 10/04/2022 11:33

Older and indeed much younger enjoy

rookiemere · 10/04/2022 11:34

Yup @Keeponmoving2213 and if one admits to finding working in ones 50s with a stroppy teen to be somewhat tiring, then the usual response is to get your thyroid checked.

RaRathebravemouse · 10/04/2022 11:35

I'm not 40 yet and like to stay in and get an early night whenever possible

YABU

Keeponmoving2213 · 10/04/2022 11:36

Oh the thyroid check!! Yes. So right.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2022 11:37

@YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj

Things are harder as we age! Why you are deliver being obtuse here, stumps me!

Mumsnet refuses to believe people age. It's odd.

That's true. You're called ageist if you recognise that ageing is a physical deterioration.
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