Husband ready to stay in with cocoa & slippers at 58

[Stressedout65]

I want to go & see a band, we'd be sitting down, but husband says he's too old for it. The band are from our younger days, are as old as us so audience is mainly going to be our age too. We've seen them before & I thought we had a nice time, so I got excited about seeing them again. I can go with a friend or on my own, but his too old/can't be assed to go attitude has taken the wind out of my sales. He's a brilliant husband in every other way, but is this it til we die? Our nights out together will be a nice meal then come straight home cos we're too full to stay out longer. I see other same age friend & her husband going out & having fun, while we're at home with our cocoa. Aibu?

@DarkSkyBrightStars

Yes. I have social anxiety plus a whole load of other mental health issues so staying in and watching the telly is an absolute pleasure for me.

@DarkSkyBrightStars Ok…but presumably OP’s husband doesn’t have those issues

Plenty of husbands are doing that at 38. You've been lucky!

Get used to going to things alone or making new friends to go to things with. I've been doing that since about 28. You can't make people go to places, so you need a richer social life.

(as in, more people in your social life while you have fun :) )

@LuckySantangelo35 Some posters can't help but make it all about them. But by mum's like that. From about 34 onwards she sulked that she was 'too old now' to do anything or go anywhere. Cinema, theatre, outings, nothing. She just wanted to stay at home and watch TV.

Once the kids left home that's exactly what she did. Quit work at 50 and just sits. Day in, day out. Wakes up, TV, sleeps. And that'll be all she does til she dies. It baffles me - it's her life, but imagine never wanting to even leave the sofa.

That's quite shocking @Kennykenkencat but I wonder if this couple already had health issues and that was the reason they retired in their 40s? They wouldn't necessarily have told everyone about their health details .

ive been home with slippers and cocoa well before 40!! The thought of a late night out exhausts me!! (though i have been to a gig at Wembley stadium just before covid). Nothing wrong with cocoa and slippers if that's your thing. Maybe he just isnt up for it this time - doesnt mean he will always refuse.

I want to go & see a band, we'd be sitting down, but husband says he's too old for it. The band are from our younger days, are as old as us so audience is mainly going to be our age too. We've seen them before & I thought we had a nice time, so I got excited about seeing them again. I can go with a friend or on my own, but his too old/can't be assed to go attitude has taken the wind out of my sales. He's a brilliant husband in every other way, but is this it til we die

Go by yourself!!! I haven't voted, as I'm in the exact same boat as you as my husband has been like this for years and just never really wanted to go anywhere.
Still love him, but seriously don't wait around waiting for him to want to go to places with you.
Go anyway!
That's what I do.
Whether it be a night out, seeing a concert, going to the cinema/theatre, couple of nights away whatever.
Yes, would be nicer to have him there but if he's more likely to be a miserable shite he's better off at home and I'm not missing out!
Life's too short to wait around for other people.

Oh gosh this reminded me of my FIL. When I was pregnant with my DS we went on holiday with my PILs. The rest of us, including heavily pregnant me got down to sit on a wall to the beach. My FIL said he’s too old for that and sat on a bench with the other old people. Will point out this was more than 10 yrs ago so he was only early 50s. My MIL who is older than him sat in the wall with DP (at the time) and me.

No health issues. Unless you count only 1 portion of vegetables per week. And strictly no fruit, exercise or sunscreen.

Even when they did cook their one portion of vegetables it had 1/2 packet of butter melting on the top
There whole life had been about retiring

I have seen it with so many people who retire, especially if they retire early. They turn on day time tv and sit there like zombies. I swear it does something to your brain.
My own Dh who up to lockdown used to fly all over the world and hold down a quite big job.
Shielding because he was clinically vulnerable gave him agoraphobia which we had to be harsh to be kind to get him out of the house.

He now sits on the sofa in the living room and watches game shows and soaps all day or he goes to the local shop to get snacks or a bottle of wine. Not even the bigger supermarket where prices are at least normal but one of these places where it is £2.60 for a packet of butter
I can go days without talking to him because his only conversation is about tv he has watched or that he wants money for his shopping trips. Even our adult children who live with us are shocked at how he is
The problem is I can’t see us splitting up because he isn’t capable of looking after his self.

I almost think my having no pension and having to work is a better way to be because my fear is turning into Dh or our friends.
Anyone who knows me knows my body will give out long before my brain.