Husband ready to stay in with cocoa & slippers at 58

[Stressedout65]

I want to go & see a band, we'd be sitting down, but husband says he's too old for it. The band are from our younger days, are as old as us so audience is mainly going to be our age too. We've seen them before & I thought we had a nice time, so I got excited about seeing them again. I can go with a friend or on my own, but his too old/can't be assed to go attitude has taken the wind out of my sales. He's a brilliant husband in every other way, but is this it til we die? Our nights out together will be a nice meal then come straight home cos we're too full to stay out longer. I see other same age friend & her husband going out & having fun, while we're at home with our cocoa. Aibu?

How old are you?!

@BensonStabler ‘s post is very sensible. Are there any money worries as gigs can be very expensive once you factor in travel, food and drink, etc.

Ok just seen you started school in 1970

So born in 1965.

You late sixties
And your husband… late sixties? Seventies?

Hardly unusual he wants to settle down in the evenings

@TypicaIMe

I’m talking about old people

No, not ageist at all

Also, @Quincythequince, your passions don't change just because you're 60 or 70. I have adored live music since I was 15. Why would that change suddenly in the next ten years?

What an odd assumption to make.

How is staying a fact, ageists? How is aging old people, for many reasons, find accessibility, harder.

That is not ageists

And yet again as it’s not sinking in clearly, I have said that just because people don’t go out, many of whom are old (look up stats on AgeUK if you must) it doesn’t mean they are boring!

Loving gigs, or shows, or whatever one loves, is one thing.

Being able to go to them, or participate well is another.

That is a fact or life for many people!

Things are harder as we age! Why you are deliver being obtuse here, stumps me!

To be fair I am 39 for one more month (it counts!) and I have been like this for years. Luckily Dh is too. He's a farmer though and has to work in the evenings in the lighter nights, I may be secretly luxuriating in my pjs with the cat while he and the Dcs are outside

Go out without him. You're not joined at the hip. Cultivate your female friends and get in the habit of gigging together.

deliberately not deliver

Sorry you’re late fifties
So how old is your husband?

So many typos! Sorry.

You don’t know what you will want to do in 10 years typical nobody does.

People change.

I hope you still want to go and can go and it’s accessible for you of course.

It’s not about still loving it (you may, or may not) it’s if you have the resources, and energy and ability to go.

A lot can change in 10 years!

But you are only 50 typical.

50

All these people enthusiastically claiming they love a night in and they’re well younger than OP’s husband 🤣

Well good for you!

But it really doesn’t matter what you like. Fact is op married her husband and they had shared interests in going out and spending this king of time together. He has got boring prematurely. It’s not fair on her. That is the issue.

Your comprehension is lacking typical
It honestly is.

Please go back and carefully re-read what I have said so as to not continue to wilfully misrepresent my views.

If you're late 50s are you still both working full time? I think that by that age, but generally anyway, it can be hard to have the stamina to work full time and socialise heavily. He may just be more introverted than you, so he needs time at home or alone to replenish his batteries, whereas you replenish yours through socialising as are more extroverted.

OP husband is 58

@Musicandcheese

It could be fear of crowds. At present 1 in 13 people are said to have Covid, times are still not normal.

Covid is here, forever

Move on

I'm early 40s and I feel the same as your husband. I've just grown out of wanting to go out to crowded places, pay loads for drinks and have that level of sensory stimulation! I think as (most) people get older they do become a bit more self contained and no longer have FOMO, so are content to stay at home of an evening. But neither of you are in the wrong, you just have different ideas of how you want to spend your time. I know a lot of people my age and older who still love to go out out, so perhaps it's more personality type than just age.

@Quincythequince

Your comprehension is lacking typical It honestly is.

Please go back and carefully re-read what I have said so as to not continue to wilfully misrepresent my views.

Perhaps you need to be clearer and less ageist

It would seem OP perhaps that you haven’t built up much of a crowd of friends?

Plus I’m sure op isn’t asking to go out like this every weekend! Her husband will have loads of quiet weekends! Surely he should compromise and go with her? Surely even those who seem phobic about leaving your own house, could manage that for the sake of your partner?

@LuckySantangelo35

All these people enthusiastically claiming they love a night in and they’re well younger than OP’s husband 🤣

Well good for you!

But it really doesn’t matter what you like. Fact is op married her husband and they had shared interests in going out and spending this king of time together. He has got boring prematurely. It’s not fair on her. That is the issue.

This!

There's nothing wrong with preferring to stay in. But when you've had a shared interest and one of you suddenly decides they don't want to do that thing anymore, it's unfair to expect the other not to be sad about it. It's also unfair not to compromise occasionally - I'm guessing OP spends most of her evenings as home, so her DH going to a gig with her say, a couple of times a year wouldn't seem to be such a big ask.

Using age as an excuse is also just that - an excuse. As we've seen from this thread, some people loathe nights out in their 30s while others in their 60s are social butterflies. Thinking you're too old to do something is incredibly sad. Age is no barrier!

@Keeponmoving2213

It would seem OP perhaps that you haven’t built up much of a crowd of friends?

@Keeponmoving2213

Or maybe she would like to go out with her husband?

Especially seeing as they used to enjoy this kind of outing together and both like this band etc

Im sure op will have more friends than her husband in any case seeing as he has stopped going out with them too

* But it really doesn’t matter what you like. Fact is op married her husband and they had shared interests in going out and spending this king of time together. He has got boring prematurely. It’s not fair on her. That is the issue.*

I find gigs boring

He hasn’t “got boring”. His tastes have changed.

Yes the age thing is something of a red herring. What matters is finding that space where you are both happy. It’s quite normal as people age to feel that time is shorter and not wanting to waste it, but since the pandemic I have heard and felt much younger people also say the same. Being confined with lockdowns made many of us introverts realize that FOMO is bullshit and we are better off staying in if that’s what we need to recharge, and made extroverts realize how much they need these interactions outside of the home. Can you have a conversation with him along those lines about what compromises might be made? On the basis that it’s still good for introverts to get out once in a while and for extroverts to have quiet time.

It’s started to happen to me (same age.) I love gigs and live music but I’m making excuses not to go as it feels like such a hassle when it never used to.

Post-covid is definitely partly to blame (extra queues, booking everything in advance, complicated apps.)

LOl Typical
😂

I don’t even think you’re 50.
You’re behaving as if you are 12.

But as you were, keeping calling someone something despite repeated clarifications, and no actual written Evidence anywhere to support this.

Maybe go back and revisit some Magic key books to brush up on your comprehension - you could
do with it.

Am done playing chess with this pigeon that’s for sure!