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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring 3 month old baby to Trustee dinner?

332 replies

Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/04/2022 09:20

Have had 2 babies since pandemic and have hardly taken them anywhere so not sure what is normal / socially acceptable?

I am a Trustee for a charity and have been invited to a nice dinner in the evening at a restaurant private dining room in London when baby will be 3 months old. Haven’t seen the other Trustees for over 2 years due to pandemic so it would be good to catch up in person, but am exclusively breastfeeding and don’t often pump or have much of a milk stash in freezer, have never tried to give baby a bottle (all seems like quite a hassle compared to just feeding baby direct from breast). It is also about 1.5 hours door to door for me on public transport each way so overall I can’t leave the baby with DP for what will be around 5-6 hours in total (DP will be at home looking after toddler).

Would it be ridiculous to suggest that I bring the baby with me to the dinner? I obviously won’t totally enjoy the dinner (and will be a bit of a hassle on public transport as it is a 20 minute walk from the nearest step free access station to the restaurant) as I will be attending to the baby, feeding etc as well as talking to everyone and eating. I am torn between not letting people down by just not going (it is a farewell for the outgoing Chair and a couple of other trustees), or going with baby and potentially being a pain for the adults who might not want a baby there! (Most of them have children but most of the kids are older than mine and/or grown up).

The baby is pretty chill as babies go but also tends to cluster feed in the evenings so is unlikely just to sleep through the evening in her pram.

So I probably just need someone to tell me it’s a stupid idea but am genuinely torn, as a feminist in 2022, whether I should carry on my life where feasible with baby in tow, or just stay at home this year and resume things like evening dinners in 2023 when baby is no longer breastfeeding?

OP posts:
SonicBroom · 10/04/2022 21:47

Also. Sorry. Tbh…. No one really wants babies or young children at a work related event. No matter what the circumstances. Ever.

Cascais · 10/04/2022 21:52

@SonicBroom

Also. Sorry. Tbh…. No one really wants babies or young children at a work related event. No matter what the circumstances. Ever.
Is that true?
LuckySantangelo35 · 10/04/2022 22:34

@Cascais
Pretty much yeah

Meadmaiden · 10/04/2022 22:47

Wow, a lot of internalised misogyny here.

Also, a lot of people who clearly hate babies, for a forum for mothers!

As a charity trustee I see no issue with this either, though I suggest asking first to check no one has an issue.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2022 22:50

Meadmaiden

Wow, a lot of internalised misogyny here.

Also, a lot of people who clearly hate babies, for a forum for mothers!“

Alternatively, experience and real life?

Meadmaiden · 10/04/2022 22:55

@MrsSkylerWhite

Meadmaiden

Wow, a lot of internalised misogyny here.

Also, a lot of people who clearly hate babies, for a forum for mothers!“

Alternatively, experience and real life?

Real life that people hate babies, and hate women for bringing them out?

Not my real life experiences, or many others, but maybe yours. In which case, I am sorry for you.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2022 23:07

Meadmaiden

Real life that people hate babies, and hate women for bringing them out?

Not my real life experiences, or many others, but maybe yours. In which case, I am sorry for you. “

Not what I was saying at all but you know that.

Distressed babies/business meetings: not compatible.

Nothing wrong with mum/dad taking a few months out whatsoever. If you felt you had.no choice but to attend meetings with your three month ins, I an sorry for you.

Business was the last thing on my mind as we basked in our three month old. I did t feel I had anything to proce, though.

Each to their own.

saraclara · 10/04/2022 23:08

@MrsSkylerWhite

Meadmaiden

Wow, a lot of internalised misogyny here.

Also, a lot of people who clearly hate babies, for a forum for mothers!“

Alternatively, experience and real life?

Who hates babies?

I love them. I wouldn't appreciate one at a fairly formal, much anticipated private dining room event though.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2022 23:10

I didn’t say that, Meadmaiden did.

I agree with you.

NameChange30 · 10/04/2022 23:22

"in 2022 in theory it should be possible for a woman to bring a breastfed baby to this sort of event."

Of course in theory it's possible but in practice it's a 3 hour round trip with a 3 month old baby for the sake of a dinner which you won't be able to enjoy because you'll be focused on looking after your baby. Seems madness to even consider it.

I'm a feminist and I've breastfed both my children, btw (still breastfeeding my youngest). But just no!

Meadmaiden · 10/04/2022 23:25

@MrsSkylerWhite

Meadmaiden

Real life that people hate babies, and hate women for bringing them out?

Not my real life experiences, or many others, but maybe yours. In which case, I am sorry for you. “

Not what I was saying at all but you know that.

Distressed babies/business meetings: not compatible.

Nothing wrong with mum/dad taking a few months out whatsoever. If you felt you had.no choice but to attend meetings with your three month ins, I an sorry for you.

Business was the last thing on my mind as we basked in our three month old. I did t feel I had anything to proce, though.

Each to their own.

We aren't talking about distressed babies here.

Neither did I say I attended work meetings with my baby.

I am shocked by your attitude towards mothers and babies, particularly as you claim to be a mother. Fortunately, this is not reflected in my real life experience.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2022 23:47

am shocked by your attitude towards mothers and babies, particularly as you claim to be a mother. Fortunately, this is not reflected in my real life experience“

How dare you. I don’t “claim” to be a mother, I am mother to a beloved 27 year old woman, a 19 year old man and grandmother to a nearly two year old.
I was also a professional woman and three month old babies would have been inappropriate at meetings. Which is why my husband cared for them on those days I was required.

Cascais · 10/04/2022 23:53

Times have changed a bit

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2022 23:54

Babies haven’t.

MenopausalMomcat · 10/04/2022 23:55

Can’t believe you have to ask if it’s acceptable 🙄
P.S. It’s not.

aurynne · 11/04/2022 01:18

"I've just seen your post saying its a maternal and newborn health charity - in which case I'd be really surprised if anyone objected!"

I am a midwife, I work with pregnant women and newborn babies, but when I go out for an adult dinner I prefer if people didn't assume I want to cuddle their babies and look at their vaginas, please and thank you.

icanonlydosomuch · 11/04/2022 01:25

YABU

I would hate to go out for the evening to a nice dinner in a private dining room and find a baby there.

As much as I love my own kids, I would be looking forward to a night without kids. I'd therefore be unhappy to have to spend an evening with someone else's!

icanonlydosomuch · 11/04/2022 01:28

@MrsWinters

Just no. And when people say that they take their baby and everyone loves it- they’re wrong-most people hate it but are to polite to say anything

This!

sunlight81 · 11/04/2022 01:30

You're asking the wrong people. Ask the other trustees and see what they say.

Personally no issue, unless the other trustees mind

saraclara · 11/04/2022 07:51

@sunlight81

You're asking the wrong people. Ask the other trustees and see what they say.

Personally no issue, unless the other trustees mind

And I won't how many people would be honest and say "actually I'd rather you didn't"? Very few I reckon because they know they're basically telling her she can't come. And also that she'll come back with "but we're a mother and baby charity".
Sometimeswinning · 11/04/2022 08:41

I’d do it. I’m a trustee and it would probably be the highlight of the dinner for our board grin - everyone would want a few cuddles…

This comment at the start gave me hope that this thread wasn't going to be full of miserable, selfish adults. (I've skipped to the last page as I have a feeling it would be)

cigarettesNalcohol · 11/04/2022 08:52

Not appropriate at all. Sorry op. Sadly exclusively breastfeeding a 3 month old does mean missing out on adult evenings no matter how progressive we try to be.

pamplemoussee · 11/04/2022 08:54

If a mother and baby charity can't be baby friendly in their events then that says a lot ...

Society in general isn't baby / child friendly which is pretty sad really

cigarettesNalcohol · 11/04/2022 08:54

Errr hang on I take back my comment! Just read it's a mother & newborn charity so absolutely ok for op to bring her baby. If it bothers the trustees then they are hypocrites.

Foxglovers · 11/04/2022 09:48

@Meadmaiden

Wow, a lot of internalised misogyny here.

Also, a lot of people who clearly hate babies, for a forum for mothers!

As a charity trustee I see no issue with this either, though I suggest asking first to check no one has an issue.

exactly what I was thinking!
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