To bring 3 month old baby to Trustee dinner?

[Twopandemicpregnancies]

Have had 2 babies since pandemic and have hardly taken them anywhere so not sure what is normal / socially acceptable?

I am a Trustee for a charity and have been invited to a nice dinner in the evening at a restaurant private dining room in London when baby will be 3 months old. Haven’t seen the other Trustees for over 2 years due to pandemic so it would be good to catch up in person, but am exclusively breastfeeding and don’t often pump or have much of a milk stash in freezer, have never tried to give baby a bottle (all seems like quite a hassle compared to just feeding baby direct from breast). It is also about 1.5 hours door to door for me on public transport each way so overall I can’t leave the baby with DP for what will be around 5-6 hours in total (DP will be at home looking after toddler).

Would it be ridiculous to suggest that I bring the baby with me to the dinner? I obviously won’t totally enjoy the dinner (and will be a bit of a hassle on public transport as it is a 20 minute walk from the nearest step free access station to the restaurant) as I will be attending to the baby, feeding etc as well as talking to everyone and eating. I am torn between not letting people down by just not going (it is a farewell for the outgoing Chair and a couple of other trustees), or going with baby and potentially being a pain for the adults who might not want a baby there! (Most of them have children but most of the kids are older than mine and/or grown up).

The baby is pretty chill as babies go but also tends to cluster feed in the evenings so is unlikely just to sleep through the evening in her pram.

So I probably just need someone to tell me it’s a stupid idea but am genuinely torn, as a feminist in 2022, whether I should carry on my life where feasible with baby in tow, or just stay at home this year and resume things like evening dinners in 2023 when baby is no longer breastfeeding?

I can’t believe people are saying they would be annoyed at this. Should women stay at home then if they’ve had a baby?
I’ve got two kids - both ebf. I think more people need to be doing things like this to make it normal. Breastfed baby needs to be with their mum and you also need to be able to do what you want. People saying this would snoopy them need to get a grip! She wouldn’t be asking you to change a nappy or wind the baby or something?
I think it’s great and should be what people are doing moving forward. Breastfeeding women don’t need to be hiding away or not living how they want. I say take your baby!
I don’t know anyone in real life that would have an issue with this?!

“ People are always delighted to see babies, except the obvious grousers on here, miserable gits. Babies are part of life (for us lucky ones).”

I love babies, children, dogs, kittens, etc., but not at an adults evening function. People have probably spent a lot of money on the dinner, outfits, taxis, etc., and are looking forward to an evening of adult company.

Children are a part of life full stop, whether you are lucky or unlucky, but they don’t need to be included in every occasion. It’s not like having a disability that you would hope to be catered for. I wouldn’t bring a child to an event they weren’t invited to, same as I wouldn’t bring my cat or dog. I can’t bring my children or pets to work - and for good reason.

Being a mum doesn't mean you can't go out in the evening. But it doesn't mean you can take your baby everywhere you go. If you know that you will want some freedom, you make sure your baby can take a bottle if you're not there (not a bad idea anyway, what happens if you are taken ill and spend a week in hospital?)

I would not be impressed if someone was sitting next to me with a baby. I am not interested in other peoples' babies but that's not socially acceptable and you have to coo and say how cute and possibly hold it. No. That is for friends and family, not business associates (which this effectively is).

It does depend on the event, a lunchtime event might be less formal and stuffy but I'd still be a bit miffed if a baby was there.

Also it sets a precedent for people to bring their dogs. After all, they're "part of the family" too. Again, might be ok if it's for the Battersea Dogs Home or a pet charity.

Breastfeeding women don’t need to be hiding away or not living how they want

I don’t agree. Absolutely no need to hide away, I BF in many public places including restaurants. But when you chose to BF you are accepting that unless they will also have a bottle from time to time then that places certain restrictions on your life for a short period of time. Or do you think it’s acceptable to take a baby clubbing if it’s where the mum wants to go? Or that it’s ok to take a baby on a hen do?

Or do you think it’s acceptable to take a baby clubbing if it’s where the mum wants to go? Or that it’s ok to take a baby on a hen do?

The issues there would be with baby's welfare. Noisy, crowded venues would be problematic.

But other public places, where people are sitting down, eating dinner, I see no reason whatsoever why a sleeping/feeding baby couldn't be there. Other than sheer misogyny.

Why is it misogyny when women, mothers and non mothers, on this thread, are saying no, it's not appropriate? Or is anyone who disagrees with women who think they can lug their babies anywhere regardless of appropriateness, other peoples feelings and professionalism an automatic misogynist?

In which case I think you must have led very sheltered lives to not understand what it really is like to deal with misogyny.

Why is it misogyny when women, mothers and non mothers, on this thread, are saying no, it's not appropriate?

Because internalised misogyny is very real unfortunately, clearly demonstrated by this thread.

What great threat to 'professionalism' do we think this tiny baby poses btw? What are you afraid of?

I’d decline saying baby is still breastfed so unfortunately can’t leave him. Might open up an offer to come with baby without you having to ask. If not, never mind.

@TheKeatingFive

Why is it misogyny when women, mothers and non mothers, on this thread, are saying no, it's not appropriate?

Because internalised misogyny is very real unfortunately, clearly demonstrated by this thread.

What great threat to 'professionalism' do we think this tiny baby poses btw? What are you afraid of?

Bollocks. There is a time and a place for babies. Formal dinners are neither. Outside of the baby bubble many people here are obviously still in people understand that.

Professionalism means being able to concentrate on ones job. Would I, as a GP, be professional if someone came into my consulting room to discuss something sensitive and scary like they may have cancer, but I was too busy breastfeeding my baby to pay them attention. Or they wanted to discuss their problems conceiving, but I have my baby on my lap.

There is a time and a place for babies. Formal dinners are neither.

Why though, if they're just sitting there?

Professionalism means being able to concentrate on ones job.

She's going to a dinner, not performing an operation. What do you think the baby will prevent her from doing in her professional context while eating dinner with her colleagues?

As a charity trustee myself I wouldn't have the slightest issue with you bringing your baby to a dinner like that.

Some incredible hyperbole and misogyny on this thread.

Shocking to read in 2022.

@TheKeatingFive

There is a time and a place for babies. Formal dinners are neither.

Why though, if they're just sitting there?

Professionalism means being able to concentrate on ones job.

She's going to a dinner, not performing an operation. What do you think the baby will prevent her from doing in her professional context while eating dinner with her colleagues?

I gave a pretty good example from a law society dinner I went to, on the last page…

I gave a pretty good example from a law society dinner I went to, on the last page

That struck me as a very specific example that could absolutely have been contained if anyone wanted it to be. Nothing in the OP suggests that she's looking for attention. she just wants to go to a dinner and by necessity has to have her baby with her.

@TheKeatingFive

I gave a pretty good example from a law society dinner I went to, on the last page

That struck me as a very specific example that could absolutely have been contained if anyone wanted it to be. Nothing in the OP suggests that she's looking for attention. she just wants to go to a dinner and by necessity has to have her baby with her.

But we’re no longer talking about the specific OP, but generally. I had a feeling you’d say that she was the only woman on the planet who’d behave in such an odd way, but you asked for an example and I’ve given one.

I ebf all four of mine and have no problem with mums breast feeding in public but really don’t think it’s appropriate for you to take a baby who cluster feeds in the evening to a formal dinner.
It’s all very well people saying that you should go and enjoy it, but the reality of the evening will be very different to the rose tinted view some people seem to have about whipping your breasts out in public and feeding a baby.
Babies cry, need nappies changing and to be fed and settled, and you will have to deal with all of these things whilst trying to socialise, eat and enjoy your meal. Even the logistics of getting there and back are not exactly straightforward.
I’m sure that some of the trustees will be tolerant of your baby’s needs and be more than happy to lend a hand but do you really want what could be a restless baby passed round strangers, and will you really feel comfortable feeding in front of them perhaps while trying to eat your meal at the time?
My advice would be give your apologies and save yourself a bucketful of stress. Your fellow trustees will understand and probably be grateful that they don’t have to share the evening with a baby.

I had a feeling you’d say that she was the only woman on the planet who’d behave in such an odd way, but you asked for an example and I’ve given one.

It struck me as pretty hyperbolic if I'm honest. What are the chances the OP's dinner would end up like that? Practically zero I'd wager. There are attention seekers everywhere, that was the issue with the woman you referenced, not the fact that she had a baby. 🤷‍♀️

I mean, people can make an evening all about them for any reason. A personal experience in my own professional life is when a colleague just got engaged and wanted to make that the news of the work function. But we wouldn't extrapolate from that that all women who've just gotten engaged are going to derail any professional event they go to.

I mean, people can make an evening all about them for any reason. A personal experience in my own professional life is when a colleague just got engaged and wanted to make that the news of the work function

Unless the DP wanted to sit there sucking the girl’s boob in the restaurant all night I’m not sure I see the connection here?

Agree with the poster who pointed out that these women who think it's fine to work with a baby in tow are doing two things badly rather than just womaning up and picking what they want to commit to. Caring for a baby is a high demand task, not something that can be effectively multitasked, so either you are not caring for the baby properly or not doing the work related task properly. If you chose to have a baby you are chosing that parenting will have to be your focus for a while and letting go of other things accordingly, that's not antifeminist, anti-feminist would be suggesting that women aren't competent to make such a decision and live with the consequences.

And there is too much ettiquette and expectation around babies for you to go around inflicting them on peole at events that traditionally aren't for babies. I don't want to have to deal with it shitting and puking everywhere and having to go 'ooh so cute' or be thought of as a bitch for not buying into the 'babies are perfect' and 'motherhood is so superior' fantasy.

Unless the DP wanted to sit there sucking the girl’s boob in the restaurant all night I’m not sure I see the connection here?

People disrupting the 'professionalism' of a work social event with something personal in their own lives.

Agree with the poster who pointed out that these women who think it's fine to work with a baby in tow are doing two things badly rather than just womaning up and picking what they want to commit to.

The OP isn't working though. It's a work social event.

@TheKeatingFive sorry bad sarcasm on my part I think!

Really don't understand all the joyless people on here saying how inappropriate it would be and how annoyed they'd feel. Seriously?? If your baby is chilled out and happy just feeding, I really don't see the issue. If it's what you want to do, go for it. Having said that, the travel does sound like a massive hassle and I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable trying to chat to people and eat a nice meal whilst dealing with a cluster feeding baby - just sounds really stressful to me, so I think I'd probably give it a miss personally.

sorry bad sarcasm on my part I think!

😂

It was quite the image