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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum spanked DD whilst I'm in hospital

516 replies

wantthisbabyout · 08/04/2022 22:43

Currently in hospital after my c-section apologies if this is all over the place as I'm half asleep!

Mum stayed over last night and complained this morning that she hadn't slept all night. We left at 6:45 this morning and she was up. She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

I FaceTimed her today with the kids and DD was upset saying grandma hurt me and my mum said oh it's ok it was only a little spank on the hand as she hasn't been listening.

My DD is the sweetest little girl ever, yes she is very stubborn but you just need to have patience with her.

AIBU to feel like my mum has just lost her temper and probably felt a bit angry and spanked her? I feel so upset about anyone touching my kids.

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

OP posts:
Tilliegirl · 09/04/2022 18:04

Agree..what a fuss...ffs

Nennypops · 09/04/2022 18:05

@brainhurts

These are older children, trusted to plug laptops/ tablets into charge . Old enough to remove safety plugs . If saying no don't do that didn't work , why would please give me the paper clip .
Wouldn't it be simpler just to point out that it's dangerous and they'll hurt themselves?
Nennypops · 09/04/2022 18:06

@speakout

How do the smackers feel about hitting elderly or vulnerable adults- is that OK too? Or just small people who are too young to fight back?
Strangely, they're all avoiding that question.
Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 18:07

They also won't answer if it has to hurt to be a deterrent, because they're cowards.

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:07

@Nennypops except many of them aren't children who are smacked
So you are just making a huge assumption
I know people who don't smack but also don't have other boundaries and there children are poorly behaved

toomanydogsandcats · 09/04/2022 18:08

I'm not pretending to be amused, I genuinely think you are very entertaining

lljkk · 09/04/2022 18:08

@wantthisbabyout

I think it was seeing DD so upset which just triggered me to be honest and my mum saying oh it was just a little smack on the hand. I'm a bit emotional at the moment too so don't think that helps.

Think i best get some sleep Blush

What are you thinking now, OP?
worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:10

@Pumperthepumper but they get electrocuted instead , its not for you to judge anyway

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:12

@Jannt86 if she was in the parents house its up to the parents to put in safety plugs
I never had safety plugs past about 3/4 as mine didn't touch them

brainhurts · 09/04/2022 18:13

@Nennypops
As I said we don't know what caused her to be smacked, was she playing up and gran lost her temper, was she doing something dangerous.
I don't condone the losing temper but can relate to the knee jerk reaction of gran seeing dander and child not listening.

Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 18:14

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper but they get electrocuted instead , its not for you to judge anyway [/quote]
Well, we don't know that because that poster didn't even try to take the paperclip away. Just straight to the tap, or the smack, or the hit or whatever word they used. Taking the paperclip away would have stopped the electrocution without anyone being hit.

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:15

@Jannt86 in your opinion but you don't get to judge others and call them crap parents even if you think you do have the right , you really don't

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:16

@Pumperthepumper she swatted the hand away which would be quicker and a reflex action
Trying to grab it could result in more of a struggle , again your judging a situation without being there
Sometimes we react quickly

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:17

@Pumperthepumper I once grabbed my son by his jacket to stop him walking in the road and he was left with a mark from the zip
Maybe I should of grabbed elsewhere or shouted stop but I reacted there and then in the moment

Tothepoint99 · 09/04/2022 18:17

@KitKattaktik

My dad spanked me. Even when it wasn't my fault, he spanked us hard. Irrespective of who's fault it was.
Same. This was the 80s. But even so, as a mother now I cannot comprehend how he could do it.
Amybelle88 · 09/04/2022 18:18

I would be furious.

I was brought up when everyone got a smack if they were naughty and whilst this didn't affect me negatively, I wholeheartedly don't agree with it.

Smacking a child doesn't teach the child anything, it is merely an outlet for an angry adult.

I'd have serious words and probably refrain from leaving them alone together. I know your mum is an older generation and it was the 'norm' for her, but it's not now and it is nobody's place to ever lay a hand on your child. Ever.

Cherryblossoms85 · 09/04/2022 18:20

Eh? She tapped her hand. Not a particularly great parenting technique, but also not abuse or against the law. I think I'm just too old for this site.

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:21

@Jannt86 so also how comes many of us have grown up quite well adjusted adults
My parents prob smacked us maybe 3 times ever , I don't remember the occasions personally just what my mum has told me as they were not regular smackers , im not damaged by it and we have a great relationship and they have a good one with my dc as well
Sometimes people react without thinking

worriedatthistime · 09/04/2022 18:22

@Tothepoint99 but that is abuse if they hit you hard and for no reason thats very different to a tap in the hand once

Jannt86 · 09/04/2022 18:22

[quote worriedatthistime]@Jannt86 in your opinion but you don't get to judge others and call them crap parents even if you think you do have the right , you really don't
[/quote]
I didn't say anyone was a crap parent. I said the act of hitting a child is widely acknowledged as crap. There is a difference. Of course we get to call out abusive and unhelpful parenting. In fact it's our duty as a society to call it out within reason. What do you think cps are there for?

Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 18:24

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper I once grabbed my son by his jacket to stop him walking in the road and he was left with a mark from the zip
Maybe I should of grabbed elsewhere or shouted stop but I reacted there and then in the moment [/quote]
Did you smack him afterwards?

Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 18:24

[quote worriedatthistime]@Tothepoint99 but that is abuse if they hit you hard and for no reason thats very different to a tap in the hand once [/quote]
Does the tap have to hurt?

brainhurts · 09/04/2022 18:26

@worriedatthistime

Pumperthepumper she swatted the hand away which would be quicker and a reflex action
Trying to grab it could result in more of a struggle , again your judging a situation without being there
Sometimes we react quickl

Thanks @worriedatthistime
It was a knee jerk reaction, I saw the child ( an older child allowed access to paper clips and allowed to put laptop on charge )told them to stop they didn't , so rather than ask for the paper clip and seeing how close it was to being in the socket I swatted/ pushed / jotted/ moved there hand .
But my bad

Gowithme · 09/04/2022 18:26

I guess all you can take from this is that your kids are too much for your mum to look after on her own. Maybe she could cope with one at a time, maybe not. Although they are her grandkids they're still not her kids, raised with her routines and with her knowing all their likes and dislikes.

I would tell dd that it was not ok for her gran to spank her but that she needs to listen her her gran and do as she is asked. I would also tell your mum that you feel having more than one child is probably a bit much for her and so you will avoid that situation in future but you do not want her to physically punish you children. If she is not coping then she needs to call you.

Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 18:29

[quote brainhurts]**@worriedatthistime

Pumperthepumper she swatted the hand away which would be quicker and a reflex action
Trying to grab it could result in more of a struggle , again your judging a situation without being there
Sometimes we react quickl

Thanks @worriedatthistime
It was a knee jerk reaction, I saw the child ( an older child allowed access to paper clips and allowed to put laptop on charge )told them to stop they didn't , so rather than ask for the paper clip and seeing how close it was to being in the socket I swatted/ pushed / jotted/ moved there hand .
But my bad [/quote]
Enough that they said they would tell their parents? Some swat.

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