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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum spanked DD whilst I'm in hospital

516 replies

wantthisbabyout · 08/04/2022 22:43

Currently in hospital after my c-section apologies if this is all over the place as I'm half asleep!

Mum stayed over last night and complained this morning that she hadn't slept all night. We left at 6:45 this morning and she was up. She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

I FaceTimed her today with the kids and DD was upset saying grandma hurt me and my mum said oh it's ok it was only a little spank on the hand as she hasn't been listening.

My DD is the sweetest little girl ever, yes she is very stubborn but you just need to have patience with her.

AIBU to feel like my mum has just lost her temper and probably felt a bit angry and spanked her? I feel so upset about anyone touching my kids.

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

OP posts:
worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 15:01

@Pumperthepumper shouting can actually be quite damaging as well if in excess

brainhurts · 10/04/2022 15:07

[quote worriedatthistime]@Nennypops its not english gcse my grammar is irrelevant but if it makes you feel better to point it out , then so be it
Im used to it what with being dyslexic etc so go for it [/quote]
👏👏👏 fellow dyslexic, I understand you perfectly, funny how those who presumably have a better grasp of English don't 🤷‍♀️

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 15:11

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper shouting can actually be quite damaging as well if in excess [/quote]
Yes, I know that. But a sharp shout to stop a kid crossing a road is less damaging than smacking them afterwards.

brainhurts · 10/04/2022 15:17

@Pumperthepumper
Why would you smack a kid for crossing a road ?
If your child was about to step out Into the road would you just shout stop ? Or grab there hood and worry about child abuse after ?

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 15:21

[quote brainhurts]@Pumperthepumper
Why would you smack a kid for crossing a road ?
If your child was about to step out Into the road would you just shout stop ? Or grab there hood and worry about child abuse after ?[/quote]
But you’re confusing two things there - punishing a kid for you not paying attention is shitty parenting.

brainhurts · 10/04/2022 15:29

How's it punishing the child or bad parenting ?Your stood waiting to cross , your child is obviously close enough as you can grab the hood , child goes to step out , you say stop , your parental instinct is to stop your child going into the road .
Bad parenting is your child being way ahead of you and you just saying stop and hope for the best , punishing is then telling them off .

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 15:47

@Pumperthepumper who smacked anyone ? I grabbed his hood which caused a mark as it was zipped right up
I certainly never smacked him but i did unintentionally hurt him

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 15:51

@Pumperthepumper and it wasn't shit parenting he was right next to me , but someone came round the round fast , not indicating
I grabbed him as that was a guarantee to keeping him safe , if i had shouted stop and he hadn't of listened i would dread to think what would happen
Anyway he is 18 now and a pretty well rounded young man so we must of done something right

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 15:52

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper who smacked anyone ? I grabbed his hood which caused a mark as it was zipped right up
I certainly never smacked him but i did unintentionally hurt him[/quote]
So then how is that story relevant to the OP?

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 16:02

its just down to if you believe that spanking or smaking a misbehaving child is or not , already stated i was spanked on 3 occasians by my mum and i hardly feel i was assaulted by her , in fact i deserved it if i remember rightly esp the case when i had sworn at her . and yes regardless of all that its the ops fault . when the nan stated shed had no sleep and wished the kids were normal that should have been when she said ok mum you need to go home get some sleep , dave or whatever husbands name is can look after them now . it was obviously then really getting to the nan and shed clearly had enough by then

Of course you didn't deserve to be hit, @chaosrabbitland. You possibly deserved to be disciplined, but no child deserves to be hit by an adult for misbehaving. Did you mother go around hitting any other children she came across who weren't behaving?

The comment about the children not being normal was the day before, i.e. when granny was presumably reasonably well- rested. The remark about not having slept was the next day, as OP was leaving the house for major surgery, i.e. before granny had even started looking after the children. Therefore it seems unlikely that she had already "had enough" - if she really felt unfit to look after them, she should have said so. But, goodness knows, thousands of us on MN have managed to look after small children whilst feeling lousy after no sleep without hitting them.

And why was it up to the 9 months' pregnant woman on her way out to have surgery to sort this? Do you think she may just have had other things on her mind?

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 16:07

[quote worriedatthistime]@Nennypops its not english gcse my grammar is irrelevant but if it makes you feel better to point it out , then so be it
Im used to it what with being dyslexic etc so go for it [/quote]
As someone who is very familiar with dyslexia, I am well aware that things like failure to use full stops and use of "would of" are not the result of dyslexia; in fact, it's quite offensive to dyslexics to claim otherwise.

You felt entitled to go for it by slinging insults at other posters like "clueless", so I'm happy to accept your invitation and point out that pots maybe shouldn't call kettles black.

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 16:11

[quote worriedatthistime]@Nennypops was you there ? No thought not , so you have no idea if it was a tap or more do you [/quote]
Clearly it wasn't a tap. (1) The child said she was hurt; a tap doesn't hurt. (2) Why would granny just use a tap which the child would barely notice?

The reality is, as people have pointed out, that it is always those who are in favour of smacking children who refer to it as a tap. The very fact that they feel that they have to try to minimise the seriousness of what is happening is extremely revealing.

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 16:14

fellow dyslexic, I understand you perfectly, funny how those who presumably have a better grasp of English don't

Sadly, however, you don't understand what I wrote., @brainhurts. Nothing that I said could remotely be interpreted as a claim that I didn't understand @chaosrabbitland. I simply pointed out that she wasn't really in a position to accuse another poster of being clueless.

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 16:16

I grabbed my son and caused a mark when he went to step in a road , I could of shouted stop but if he hadn't ? So grabbing him was a safer option

But that has nothing to do with smacking, does it? You weren't using corporal punishment.

whowhatwerewhy · 10/04/2022 16:28

Congratulations on your new baby.
Maybe ask both DD and your mom the reasons behind the slap .
You can then judge if your mom simply doesn't have the patience to look after your children.

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 16:33

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worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 16:34

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worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 16:35

@Nennypops also get the names right for someone that is so particular you have @ at someone for my comment

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 16:39

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worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 16:42

@Pumperthepumper it was relevant to an earlier post where you told someone they should of shouted stop rather than swipe a hand out of the way
Sometimes a reaction is quicker is what I was getting at
None of you actually know what fully happened with the OP mum and daughter but many of you have put your own narrative on it
Funnily enough the OP hasn't even cone back
Prob had a discussion with her mum and sorted it all

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 17:06

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MNHQ
ClaraMumsnet · 10/04/2022 17:09

Hi, we've deleted a number of posts on this thread which are personal attacks. Please do stick to our Talk Guidelines - disagreeing is fine, personal attacks are not.

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 17:13

[quote worriedatthistime]@Nennypops also get the names right for someone that is so particular you have @ at someone for my comment [/quote]
Oh dear. The only other people I addressed comments to were brainhurts and chaosrabbitland, and in both cases my comments directly responded to theirs.

You also need to familiarise yourself with what is and isn't trolling. Clue: it isn't disagreeing with a person, or pointing out when their insults addressed to other posters aren't appropriate.

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 18:35

huh , you have lost me with that one lol , maybe its time for an afternoon sunday nap for you !

@chaosrabbitland you said you deserved to be hit by your mother. You didn’t. She shouldn’t have done it.

chaosrabbitland · 10/04/2022 19:09

@Pumperthepumper

huh , you have lost me with that one lol , maybe its time for an afternoon sunday nap for you !

@chaosrabbitland you said you deserved to be hit by your mother. You didn’t. She shouldn’t have done it.

no i really did i was shouting at her and called her a bitch , im glad she did raise me the way she did as i grew up to respect her and others unlike a lot of kids today . its not for nothing that many of the old generation complain about the terrible behaviour of kids today and the fact they talk to their parents like shit