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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fussy eaters and expensive restaurants

202 replies

PacificState · 08/04/2022 08:39

I know Mumsnet hates fussy eaters so here goes...

DP's family have two birthday celebrations coming up. For each, a fancy restaurant has been booked. Me and DP said we'd go.

Restaurant 1 (£100 per person without booze) has four choices for starters and mains. I really don't fancy any of them although I could probably make myself eat the veggie options.

Restaurant 2 (also £100) the same except in this case I really don't fancy the veg option either!

We've asked R2 (fancy gastropub) if we can have something from the bar menu instead (while still paying their super special £100 fancy price) and they said... no?? Great customer service guys, well done.

Anyway I've had a sulk and decided I have to go, having said we would, and we need to learn a lesson about not saying 'yes' without checking menus. Will be £400 between us down the drain on food neither of us want. (Affordability - it won't kill us but good god I'd like to spend the £400 on something else!)

I'd be very happy to do the legwork to find more inclusive restaurants in the future but two of the family group, including one of the oldest, really love this sort of super-expensive fancy restaurant experience and are likely to be a bit sneery about anything we suggest. (I don't mean a Harvester by the way! I'm not that fussy - I like Vietnamese and Thai and Italian and Chinese and Indian and fusion and Italian etc etc - just not rare meat, which is de rigeur in the places they choose, and not that keen on fish or seafood).

So. What do we do in future? Do we offer to find somewhere else? Or just politely say we don't fancy anything on the menu so won't come/meet them for coffee or something afterwards? These are big family events so don't want to be a dog in the manger (and the people involved are lovely and good fun to be with). But spending this money on food I hate is making me very, very grumpy indeed...

PS I've said 'we' throughout because DP has roughly the same objections that I do but is more likely to go along with it forever while quietly sulking afterwards. I'm the one who is heading for a tantrum
PPS Yes I know these are incredibly expensive restaurants and this is a first world problem. Family of high earners - not including me!

OP posts:
IEatChocolateForBreakfast · 08/04/2022 12:24

[quote PacificState]@DropYourSword yeah sorry I am a 'well done. No, I mean burn it, seriously' sort of person. No chicken on either menu, chicken is usually my safe space in these situations!

To be clear, I don't want to force anyone to go anywhere - my q is how to I get out of going next time without being a pain. But maybe there isn't a way to do it.[/quote]
Just say you have covid😂

yellowsuninthesky · 08/04/2022 12:27

I am fussy and don't eat red meat either.

However, I will say that things that I usually wouldn't like very much like artichoke or aubergine taste very different when cooked well at a fine dining restaurant. So it might be better than you think.

I don't think I've ever spent as much as £100 for one person at a restaurant though! That's mad. DH and I go for lunch when we go (for a special big 0 birthday or similar), and although it would cost more now, we've never spent more than £150 for a 3 course lunch and wine for two of us.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 08/04/2022 12:31

As someone who likes their meat identifiable by it's dental records, I feel your pain OP.

FinallyHere · 08/04/2022 12:39

If they pick very expensive places they can't complain if people can't afford it.

That's why the host chosen the venue snd pays the bill works better than sharing the bill each time. More convenient too

I know I'm repeating myself but no one has picked up on this and I really feel it's pretty important.

nokidshere · 08/04/2022 12:40

I've never been to any restaurant, fine or otherwise, that won't accommodate meal preferences. Even Raymond Blanc was happy to rustle up a pizza for my fussy teenager while the rest of us tucked into lobster.

As for steaks there are millions of people who order 'well done' I can't imagine why it would even be a thing.

Nowstrong · 08/04/2022 12:42

My daughter enjoys her meat extremely well cooked. Rather rare here (excuse the pun). When no other options are available, she has found that the best thing is to inform the restaurant beforehand. They really do appreciate this and will understand. Therefore your meat will be cut appropriately so that it can be cooked enough for you to enjoy. Give this a try. Enjoying well cooked meat, and being perhaps a fussy eater is nothing to be ashamed of, just let them know. Hope you manage to enjoy your meal.

Kfjsjdbd · 08/04/2022 12:45

Totally get this. I’m vegan but the places my PIL like are super fancy French restaurants where if you don’t want some kind of completely rare meat you’re a pariah. Drives me crazy. I hate spending a huge amount on food I won’t eat.

rookiemere · 08/04/2022 12:45

I get the impression that the OP can afford the meals out, but would prefer to spend her disposable income on something she prefers. Nothing wrong with that, but harder to justify a decline when the person arranging knows you could afford the meal, but just don't want to go.

Beautifulmonster87 · 08/04/2022 12:48

wow you're getting a lot of stick!

I'd be fuming having to spend that much money on food I don't like! To me it's rude for people to assume you have that/want to spend that much money on food to celebrate their birthday! I think i'd have to not go in future and meet the birthday person seperately to celebrate! I mean whoever's birthday it is could have a lovely gift instead and your company!!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 08/04/2022 12:57

Actually @PacificState you are one of the few picky eaters that hasn’t sent me into a silent internal rage. It’s quite refreshing that you know you are, you are open to suggestions to attempt to make the situation better, but knowing you’ll suck it up on these two occasions.

No other advice besides what’s been given about calling ahead of time (although I might lay on the praise for the restaurant a little thick “My family are so looking forward to dining here, we’ve all heard nothing but great things about the food and service. Was wondering if you could help me out with a small problem that I don’t want to bring up while ordering….(insert bit about well done meat here). If possible I’d like arrange this now so it’s not a thing while we are all ordering.”

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/04/2022 13:09

[quote PacificState]@Obelisk I can try that (and maybe I will in this case) but in my experience these super fancy places are really, really snotty about doing well-done meat and usually just don't - they bring it black on the outside and still bleeding inside. It's like they want to punish you for having poor taste.[/quote]
That really isn't very classy of them!

People have different tastes... The eye watering places we got to (all to rarely.) bend over backwards to ensure everyone loves their served food.

I'd deftinely try asking te bar option again... Was it the owner /manager who said the 'no bar meals:

luckylavender · 08/04/2022 13:13

@Teeturtle

No you don’t offer to find somewhere else just because you are a fussy eater and can’t find anything on a menu with four choices, which is a perfectly normal number of choices in any fine dining restaurant. Very self centred of you to expect your complex dining needs to come before everybody else.
Hardly complex. I'm with the OP. I loathe fine dining restaurants. They're so snobby and limited. Who wants to waste money feeling out of place & annoyed?
tkwal · 08/04/2022 13:16

A lot of restaurants like the ones you are going to be going to have private dining rooms for larger table sizes and, I'm guessing would be only too happy to accommodate special requests for someone whose party bill will be at least £2k plus wine

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 08/04/2022 13:20

I don’t think the OP is saying she wouldn’t eat some of the food if it was the only food left on earth - rather that it’s a bit steep to pay £100 for something she doesn’t really like.

How much of an issue probably depends on if OP can afford it or not. If she’s looking at the food thinking god I could have had heating last month instead of this then it’s a problem.

However this time you’ve already accepted so you may have to go.

In future I’d check menu and if it’s really not for you just say that you don’t much like the food at x place and therefore it’s not really ideal to spend the money on it so would they like you to meet you afterwards or similar ?

MayMorris · 08/04/2022 13:36

@Ragwort

Actually no I wouldn't go ... but I can't really imagine the situation where someone chooses such an expensive and exclusive restaurant and expects everyone to pay for it. In our family the host would pick up the bill so even if I didn't like it much at least I wasn't paying ... or we celebrate at home - is that an option?
This. I can’t understand why someone would select a £100 a head restaurant and expect everyone else to stump up. It’s an obscene amount of money. There’s a Michelin star place near us that does set lunches less than that…and if I wanted to take family to it to celebrate my birthday I’d pay. It’s fine asking everyone to pitch in if
  1. You’re hard up and can’t pay for your guests meals
  2. You keep price down and go somewhere modest remembering you are one asking them to pay to attend .

Only if guests were arranging it would it be ok for guests to pay really and then there’s needs to be consensus amongst those paying on how much per head is acceptable

FinallyHere · 08/04/2022 13:59

Absolutely agree, host invites the rest of the family, chooses the venue and foots the bill. Everyone ends up paying for their own choice.

Simples.

NewName9273 · 08/04/2022 14:18

I have a really picky eater friend who would always pick the most boring places. We stopped inviting her out.

Original poster
PacificState · 08/04/2022 15:04

Ok, I can't find the menu for restaurant 2 now (and it's a few weeks away so will probably change anyway) but here's the choices for Restaurant 1 for those asking:

Starters: mushroom ravioli with truffle. Not a huge fan of truffle and it pains me slightly to spend £25 on five ravioli, but this is what I will probably have. Other options: crab custard , steak tartare, cod's roe
Mains: celeriac (makes me fart like a bastard, but this is what I will have); cod; turbot; hogget ; venison. Actually I've never had venison. But it's £50, whereas my flatulence option will be £30. Just need to schedule in a brisk walk about an hour after eating it.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkle · 08/04/2022 15:07

Hogget is a fancy word for lamb

Original poster
PacificState · 08/04/2022 15:08

Money - I can just about afford it and tbh DP (who can definitely afford it) would pay for me if I couldn't. And if neither of us could his parents would pay for us both, which he really doesn't want.

I see the logic of getting the 'chooser' to pay the whole bill but it's just not how they do it, and I don't think anyone has a problem with it except me. So unfortunately logic won't get us anywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
PacificState · 08/04/2022 15:09

@JemimaTiggywinkle

Hogget is a fancy word for lamb
Aha!
OP posts:
rookiemere · 08/04/2022 15:10

Ooh @PacificState no help to you, but I'd love that menu. Love anything truffly and steak tartare is one of my favourite dishes ever.

Mind you having said that I'm also quite tight so whilst I enjoy fine dining we tend to stick to Six by Nico these days which has 6 courses for £32.

rookiemere · 08/04/2022 15:12

Well actually if you and DP are paying separately then go to first one - because menu isn't as bad for you - and skip second one, tell DP you have a bit of a sore stomach and don't cope well with these rich foods so you're going to duck out of the foie de gras dinners for a bit.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/04/2022 15:15

Hogget is meat from a sheep that is 1-2 years old. Like lamb on steroids.

Venison is very nice so why not try that?

On that menu I'd struggle to choose as I'd like all the starters and the cod, hogget or venison, so it would depend on what they accompaniments are but I'd probably go for hogget because you don't see it very often.

Sunnytwobridges · 08/04/2022 15:19

I feel like if you're a fussy eater then sometimes you have to just suck it up. I dated someone who had a kid that only ate a certain amount of foods. Very limited so whenever we went out it was always catered to what she wanted which was annoying as I our the rest of the people with us never got a choice to get a variety of foods. And we would spend an hour going round and round about where to eat because she would reject all the suggestions. It was utterly annoying.

I don't like sushi but whenever someone suggests sushi i always eat before going out then just eat the rice or whatever. So you might need to eat something light before and then find something small like an appetizer that you can eat at the restaurant.