To hate DH working hours

[StaceHu23]

So my husband earns lots of money and has decent job which he has worked his way up to, I am very proud of him, however, this has all come at a price, he works quite late, until 8pm or later some nights

although he does finish early 2 days per week to when I am working too. I feel like I am doing most of this on my own.

He also has hobbies that he goes to 2 nights per week and if he goes put on a weekend it feels as if there is no family time.

He thinks IABU, please tell me if I am.

Yes, he will have to facilitate like you said as I helped him, without me he wouldn’t have been able to do it. I’m hoping with. It’s kids at school, breakfast, after school clubs, mum and MIL helping and With DH pulling his finger out I will manage it.

It is definitely a him problem,

We too are both management (based in the NE hence the £33k each for ft)

As I said prior we are home for dinner etc but we do regularly log back on in evenings and weekends to keep up to date or finish things off. But we both prioritise being at home for dinner together at least 3 week nights a week sometimes dh plays golf, sometimes I meet friends for dinner, I run three times a week

We allow each other the same downtimes, he does the same number of baths and beds as I do - I do drop offs on a morning but he leaves an hour before I do.

You need balance, respect and for him to want to do it

With the kids at school*

@StaceHu23

Yes, he will have to facilitate like you said as I helped him, without me he wouldn’t have been able to do it. I’m hoping with. It’s kids at school, breakfast, after school clubs, mum and MIL helping and With DH pulling his finger out I will manage it.

Exactly and now it’s your turn to work your way up the career ladder, it’s a juggle but it’s worth it. I wasn’t trying to be negative, it’s a brilliant career it just takes a lot of support and I really hope he can provide you with that.

Im on about a PP who said that is what she earns, just curious what it is she does haha

@groeggmeg no completely understand what you meant 😊

@StaceHu23

I’m a Finance Manager. Not sexy or glamorous but flexible and child-friendly. Certainly necessary as I have two children with additional needs.

I recently reduced my hours to get through the EHCP process for my youngest and will go back to 30 hours in September.

I’ve decided not to get anything ready for tomorrow. I have a feeling the kids will have greggs breakfast, McDonald’s lunch 😂😂

@Merryoldgoat the money is great too! How did you get into that?

I feel like such a failure because I haven’t established my career…surely this is quite common?

@StaceHu23

I learned on the job after dropping out of university - started as a temp receptionist (MANY moons ago), took a job in the accounts department, learned from the manager, got an accountancy qualification and worked my way up as I moved jobs and companies.

I could have a far more impressive job if I a) could be arsed and b) didn’t have children with Autism. I just don’t have the headspace for more right now.

You are so far from a failure it’s untrue. Just work out what you want and make a plan.

So many things going on. But number one and most importantly.

You are not a failure.

You have to children that you clearly love and care about deeply.

You have a job.

You have a career ambition and a potential way of achieving it.

You just don't have a supportive husband.

And I wonder if he realises how unhappy you are with the current set up. You do need to talk to him calmly about options and how it's going to work when you train as a midwife

@Merryoldgoat wow well done you!!! You sound amazing! You have achieved so much x

@Dishwashersaurous yes I think I we do need to talk..although he is out tonight 😂😂

Could you schedule a date night dinner? Maybe your mum could babysit and even if younwent out at 8 it would be a neutral venue to discuss

Oh Christ I’m really not but you’re very kind.

My DH is my rock. Neither of us nor our relationship is perfect by any stretch but it’s fair, kind and loving.

We care about each other and our families and work together to have as nice a life as we can.

Have a proper talk with your husband. If he can’t or won’t understand and make changes then you have a decision to make.

It’s not a true partnership if you can’t support each other and he’s not pulling his weight right now.

From everything you've said here OP, I suspect when your friends and family comment your DH is never home they are really meaning you are being left to parent your children yourself and he is not pulling his weight in your relationship and supporting you (other than financially)

I trust my parents, my mum brought me a take away earlier and told me I shouldn’t be on my own so much, I can’t work out if I should tell them to butt out or cry haha

Ok, DH was out from 9am until 2am yesterday and this evening going to watch sport and apparently now I’m unreasonable

So what are you going to do?

I need to know if I am being unreasonable? I just want to be appreciated, I feel like he doesn’t understand

9am until 2am. What was he doing and why?

That’s absurd

You are unhappy @StaceHu23 that comes out in every post. You aren’t happy with the way things are and how it is.

Does anything else actually matter - because it seems that every time you try to say anything he shuts you down with a controlling or unreasonable comment. And that just isn’t on

You need to be very clear to him how unhappy you are and how unreasonable it is for him to simply ignore that or bring it back to you.

Because I think if he doesn’t recognise that what relationship have you got to save

This is your life you only get one try at this so you need to really make it clear you don’t want to continue it this way.

Out for somebody’s leaving do at work, It was located somewhere else so struggled with travel etc but if I go out at 7 in the evening, I’m home way before 2 so I just don’t get it at all