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Original poster

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

OP posts:
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5
AprilMae · 08/04/2022 15:16

@AWombleScorned white people wearing dreads isn’t cultural appropriation FYI dreads and braids were worn by people with light skin as well as dark in ancient civilisations. Less popular with white people now. Discrimination against popular black hairstyles is a massive problem but its incorrect to say light skinned people don’t have a culture of braids and dreads.

AWombleScorned · 08/04/2022 15:19

[quote AprilMae]@AWombleScorned white people wearing dreads isn’t cultural appropriation FYI dreads and braids were worn by people with light skin as well as dark in ancient civilisations. Less popular with white people now. Discrimination against popular black hairstyles is a massive problem but its incorrect to say light skinned people don’t have a culture of braids and dreads.[/quote]
I can tell you’re not black. Although I’m sure you’ll deny it

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 16:07

@AWombleScorned making this into a race argument is absolutely ridiculous. Just so you know. My friends (who dreads my hair) livelihood is making artificial dreads and doing people's hair. Black and white. Just stop.

AWombleScorned · 08/04/2022 16:16

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@AWombleScorned making this into a race argument is absolutely ridiculous. Just so you know. My friends (who dreads my hair) livelihood is making artificial dreads and doing people's hair. Black and white. Just stop.[/quote]
you’re a white woman taking part in the cultural appropriation I’m talking about so forgive me if I don’t take your opinion into account. and no, I won’t ‘stop’. If what I’m saying makes you uncomfortable, good

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 16:19

@AWombleScorned yeah. You're talking rot. I'm not in the least bit uncomfortable. My friend is black so I'll tell her about how naughty she is too.. I'm sure we'll have a good old laugh about it. Carry on!

TheKeatingFive · 08/04/2022 16:19

you’re a white woman taking part in the cultural appropriation I’m talking about

No she isn't.

How can any race lay claim to a hairstyle that has been popular throughout history with all kinds of cultures, black and white?

HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 16:20

@AWombleScorned There is no cultural appropriation. You are misinformed. Do some research. White people had dreads well before other races. This is not a racial or cultural appropriation issue.

TheKeatingFive · 08/04/2022 16:21

If what I’m saying makes you uncomfortable, good

It doesn't make anyone uncomfortable , it just doesn't stand up to any scrutiny

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 16:26

@TheKeatingFive

you’re a white woman taking part in the cultural appropriation I’m talking about

No she isn't.

How can any race lay claim to a hairstyle that has been popular throughout history with all kinds of cultures, black and white?

They can't!! This womble has obviously lost their marbles
AWombleScorned · 08/04/2022 16:29

I love it when white women tell black women to be quiet over something from our culture they’ve laid claim to Hmm

TheKeatingFive · 08/04/2022 16:30

something from our culture

It isn't unique to your culture. It's a feature of many cultures.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 16:30

@AWombleScorned

I love it when white women tell black women to be quiet over something from our culture they’ve laid claim to Hmm
🤣🤣
AWombleScorned · 08/04/2022 16:37

@TheKeatingFive

something from our culture

It isn't unique to your culture. It's a feature of many cultures.

Is it aye? i suppose although I can’t change your opinion I can enjoy knowing your hair is advertising your ignorance to everyone you walk past Smile
HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 16:41

@AWombleScorned Your ignorance is in full display. Dreadlocks originated as a white hairstyle. So if anyone appropriated anything, POC culturally appropriated dreadlocks from white people. Check your facts, your ignorance and misinformation on here is staggering. You are embarrassing yourself.

I say this as a (culturally and historically educated in a Degree in History and and minor one in Sociology) POC. And yes, I actually am one. Stop. Just please stop.

TheKeatingFive · 08/04/2022 16:41

Is it aye?

Of course it is. It's what happens to hair if you don't brush or style it, so I suspect all cultural backgrounds can lay some sort of claim to it.

suppose although I can’t change your opinion I can enjoy knowing your hair is advertising your ignorance to everyone you walk past

Who said I have dreads? I don't for the record.

Ironic for you to be talking about others ignorance however

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 16:44

@AWombleScorned do you say these things out loud? Please please share where you'll be next time you do.

My hair dreads itself! Naughty hair

CrossyRoad · 08/04/2022 16:48

How is telling a white woman she shouldn’t have dreads not discrimination?

greenmeansNogo · 08/04/2022 17:49

What's your natural hair like if the dead's are extensions? I'm confused is your hair dreaded but extended to be longer ? Or just have hair short hair. I really love the look, it's very cool.

Blanketpolicy · 08/04/2022 19:00

Honestly, I think you are a very attractive lady, but your hair looks "dread"ful. I think the picture a couple of posts above your picture looks amazing. But dreads are marmite, some will love and some will hate.

If someone I loved had them in your style, I would still think the hair looked dreadful but its nothing to do with me how they choose to have their hair. She either accepts you as you are or doesn't ask you to be a bridesmaid and you accept that.

chaosrabbitland · 08/04/2022 19:17

@AWombleScorned

I love it when white women tell black women to be quiet over something from our culture they’ve laid claim to Hmm
so when black women straighten their hair , how does that work then ? im just asking out of curiosoty because obviously caucasian people have straight hair .. so isnt that coping as well , iv always wondered this when ever this cultural appropitation stuff rears its head
WalkingOnTheCracks · 08/04/2022 19:20

It's a spiritual belief and it also states this in the bible.

So, having looked into this, dreads aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible.

There are many references in the Old Testament to not cutting off any hair.

But...

a) they all apply to men
b) there are also a bunch of instructions not to let hair grow long
c) all those instructions - both for growing the hair and not growing it - are directed at the Children of Israel. So, the Jewish people.

So who's culturally appropriating whom?

chaosrabbitland · 08/04/2022 19:22

@Purple1998

Wow, I can't believe how many responses this got! As you can see there's way to many to reply individually however I would like to clear a few things. I don't think my boyfriend is trying to stir shit or be malicious i think it's more the fact he doesn't want someone telling me what I can and can't do and loves me for me. I can see how it may come across but I don't think the goal is drama, plus that is something I personally want to avoid hence why I will just look into doing something else with my hair. I just wanted to know what the majority opinion was and if I was maybe over looking it too much? Because my partner got really upset over it.

Also as for "cultural appropriation" ... I am a white woman. However there's nothing racist or inappropriate about me loving and wearing dreads... a race doesn't own a hair style, I wouldn't dare tell a black person they're doing cultural appropriation for dying their hair blonde? Dreads originally came from Egypt, and through history have been worn by Christian's, vikings, and other ethnicities.

Some people have asked to see my dreads to see if they look nice so I've dropped a picture I think they do, which is my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️

My sisters comment about money buying taste was cheeky but it is okay because she's my sister but it did grate on me a bit because she meant it, she's always hated how I've dressed etc. to the point where years ago she bought me a hideous pencil flower dress for her first daughters christening that she wanted me to wear... (I always dress appropriately for occasions and I would like to add there's nothing particularly "out there" about my style other than my hair I spose. I'm quite a girly girl tbh. But yeah I think my bf has just had enough of her always wanting to mold me when she has an opportunity to, she comes across embarrassed of me most of the time. But tbh I'm not all that bothered. I can understand why he is though.

Thanks for sharing your opinions

aww i just revisited this thread and saw you put a pic up , you are really lovely in a bit of a nice hippy way , honeslty if my 14 year old wanted to model herself after your look when shes an adult ,id be perfectly happy and not bothered in the slightest , you are stunning and dont need to change anything until you want to
abc4321 · 08/04/2022 19:41

Having looked at your photos, I confess that I can see your sister's point of view. You're stunning but your hair style would look quite a strong statement as a bridesmaid, and for her wedding photos. Plus they're extensions so you can somewhat time when you take them on and off.

Sorry to go against the flow, I'm just being honest.

gamerchick · 08/04/2022 19:51

@abc4321

Having looked at your photos, I confess that I can see your sister's point of view. You're stunning but your hair style would look quite a strong statement as a bridesmaid, and for her wedding photos. Plus they're extensions so you can somewhat time when you take them on and off.

Sorry to go against the flow, I'm just being honest.

Then she shouldn't have asked her to be bridesmaid. You dont ask and then lay down the law
HulaTheHedgehog · 08/04/2022 19:58

@Blanketpolicy

Honestly, I think you are a very attractive lady, but your hair looks "dread"ful. I think the picture a couple of posts above your picture looks amazing. But dreads are marmite, some will love and some will hate.

If someone I loved had them in your style, I would still think the hair looked dreadful but its nothing to do with me how they choose to have their hair. She either accepts you as you are or doesn't ask you to be a bridesmaid and you accept that.

I agree with this. The OP is attractive, and I don't think dreadlocks are cultural appropriation, because as many people have said, many white people had them YEARS before POC.

BUT (and sorry @Purple1998,) I don't think these particular dreadlocks look good at all, and I can see your sister's point.

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