Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 08/04/2022 20:07

Love your dreads @Purple1998, they suit you.
On the cultural appropriation comment, I always thought that dreads weren't necessarily a black ownership thing, I just thought they were a symbol of being connected to the Earth? In black people its about being connected to the land their ancestors were taken from, and with white people it was back to earth hippy, rather than try-to-look-black. Whatever race or reason, I think they look fab, a good friend in their 40s has been growing them since their teens.

clpsmum · 08/04/2022 20:23

@PutinIsAWarCriminal

I absolutely HATE dreadlocks, they are disgusting as a minimum. how to offend a whole culture ...
Could you be a bit more racist ffs
clpsmum · 08/04/2022 20:24

@heartofgrass

Hmm I'm torn on this one.

On one hand I don't think it's reasonable to ask someone to change their look but on the other I think FAKE dreadlocks tend to look awful (85% of the time?) and not only do they look awful, i feel they're bordering on cultural appropriation (I'm assuming you're a white woman). So yes, i would also suggest to my sister that perhaps she might want to change up her style as I wouldn't want other guests at my wedding to be offended or to snigger at my bridesmaids hair.

Why are you assuming she is white?
HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 20:24

@clpsmum As has been explained on this thread, it has nothing to do with race whatsoever.

clpsmum · 08/04/2022 20:26

@Barkingmadhouse

I can see her point of view, dreadlocks are awful and will affect the photos. Do you think she felt forced (probably by family) to have you as a bridesmaid but doesn't actually want you as one because of your look? Would you not being a bridesmaid create issues with the wider family for her? I know of I had a sister with dreadlocks I wouldn't want her as a bridesmaid
Do You realise how racist this makes you sound.
clpsmum · 08/04/2022 20:28

@ElenaSt

I wouldn’t want somebody with dreadlocks as my bridesmaid if I’m honest. But there’s ways and means to go about asking nicely if they would have a different hairstyle at my expense for the occasion.
So You realise how racist this makes you sound
HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 20:30

@clpsmum Do you realise how ignorant you sound when you wrongly bring race into it and call other posters racist?

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/04/2022 20:31

clpsmum

Barkingmadhouse
I can see her point of view, dreadlocks are awful and will affect the photos“

Really?
Have you seen Walking Dead? Michonne’s hair is nothing short of magnificent.
Ezekiel’s is glorious, too.

No way can either of those people’s hair be described as awful in any way.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 08/04/2022 20:57

@23clpsmum

PutinIsAWarCriminal
I absolutely HATE dreadlocks, they are disgusting as a minimum. how to offend a whole culture ...*

Could you be a bit more racist ffs

Errrm, are you calling me racist or the pp I was quoting? Just in case anyone jumps in, the hating dreadlocks comment was copied into my post because I was calling their remark offensive!!

SquirrelG · 08/04/2022 21:26

White women wearing dread locks is not overly common. So let's not pretend like it is.

I live in a rural town in NZ and have seen plenty of white women with dreadlocks.

Also, dreadlocks have been around forever, and were worn by people of all colours, so give over with all this "white people shouldn't have them" rubbish. Maybe do a bit of research?

inmyslippers · 08/04/2022 21:57

so when black women straighten their hair , how does that work then ? im just asking out of curiosoty because obviously caucasian people have straight hair .. so isnt that coping as well , iv always wondered this when ever this cultural appropitation stuff rears its head

^^ straight hair doesn't just grow out of white peoples heads though....

XenoBitch · 09/04/2022 00:00

Your sister is BVU. She ought to be focused on getting married, and what both herself and her groom look like. Is she really going to be throwing her wedding album into a fire when viewing it in years to come.. because of your hair?
She sounds like a total Bridezilla. I know someone who was asked to get rid of his blue hair.. and he was not even in the wedding party. Was just a guest.

lightisnotwhite · 09/04/2022 00:18

@Thenose

"You want her to be happy, and you know it will make her happy, so no reason not to do it."

What a weird position. Are you saying that we should do something whenever it will make someone else happy, regardless of our own feelings about it?

Well yes if you are invited to someone else’s event.

If you don’t agree with the invitees invitation, don’t attend. It’s a request not a summons.

clpsmum · 09/04/2022 08:01

[quote PutinIsAWarCriminal]@23clpsmum

PutinIsAWarCriminal
I absolutely HATE dreadlocks, they are disgusting as a minimum. how to offend a whole culture ...*

Could you be a bit more racist ffs

Errrm, are you calling me racist or the pp I was quoting? Just in case anyone jumps in, the hating dreadlocks comment was copied into my post because I was calling their remark offensive!![/quote]
@PutinIsAWarCriminal no sorry I was calling the person you were quoting racist. I was agreeing with you although I can see I wasn't clear sorry

clpsmum · 09/04/2022 08:02

[quote HangingRock25]@clpsmum Do you realise how ignorant you sound when you wrongly bring race into it and call other posters racist?[/quote]
Not ignorant at all. People saying they find a hairstyle that is predominantly worn by a race of people disgusting IS racist

HangingRock25 · 09/04/2022 08:08

@clpsmum It is predominantly worn by WHITE people. You are confusing dreadlocks with braids/cornrows.

milkyaqua · 09/04/2022 08:19

Dreadlocks have been, in my view, appropriated from Rastafarians.

clpsmum · 09/04/2022 08:46

@milkyaqua

Dreadlocks have been, in my view, appropriated from Rastafarians.
I agree
clpsmum · 09/04/2022 08:47

[quote HangingRock25]@clpsmum It is predominantly worn by WHITE people. You are confusing dreadlocks with braids/cornrows.[/quote]
No I'm
Not I know the difference between dreadlocks and braids. Dreadlocks are predominantly worn by black people

HangingRock25 · 09/04/2022 08:51

@clpsmum You are very misinformed. As someone with a History degree, and minor studies in Sociology, I can tell you that dreadlocks are predominantly worn by white people, and were originally a white hairstyle going back earlier than Cleopatra. Dreadlocks, are a WHITE person's hairstyle. Also, I say this as a POC. You are misinformed.

clpsmum · 09/04/2022 08:54

[quote HangingRock25]@clpsmum You are very misinformed. As someone with a History degree, and minor studies in Sociology, I can tell you that dreadlocks are predominantly worn by white people, and were originally a white hairstyle going back earlier than Cleopatra. Dreadlocks, are a WHITE person's hairstyle. Also, I say this as a POC. You are misinformed.[/quote]
Apologies in that case. Sorry for any offence caused

Momicrone · 09/04/2022 08:56

I really fail to see how hair can ruin a photo, is some one really going to look back at their life and think their wedding photos had been ruined because of a hair style?

TheFutureIs · 09/04/2022 09:02

Will she be putting dreadlocks in for your wedding? No? Why does she get the monopoly on demanding how people style their hair? Shouldn't have chosen you to be a bridesmaid if she doesn't want dreadlocks in her wedding pics

AprilMae · 09/04/2022 09:36

@clpsmum that is historically incorrect. They were around long before Rastafarianism. My Dad is a white Christian and had had dreadlocks for 30 years he certainly isn’t trying to appear Rastafarian.

clpsmum · 09/04/2022 09:37

[quote AprilMae]@clpsmum that is historically incorrect. They were around long before Rastafarianism. My Dad is a white Christian and had had dreadlocks for 30 years he certainly isn’t trying to appear Rastafarian.[/quote]
Which is why I apologised

Swipe left for the next trending thread