To want MIL not to always take DD to her house ?

[nattichix]

Let me start by saying, I DO NOT rely on my MIL or in laws for child care. My DD is two and a few months and goes to full time nursey.

When my in laws want to spend time with her, THEY contact me to ask if they can pick her up from nursey or pick her up from my house at the weekend etc.

They rarely come to visit her here, they're always keen to just take her away to her house to ' give me a break '. So they say. I suspect they just like to be alone with her in their own home.

Generally it's OK for me. But sometimes I would rather they just spent time with her here in my home, whilst I'm also here. My DD is getting to the age now where she's really starting to learn a lot and I really want her time to be used well. I want her to have fun, but I do want everyone to do their part to teach her songs and not just spend time speaking to her in a baby voice and giving her kisses. It's super cute and we do it a lot, but if she's going to spend a lot of time at their house, I would like for them to do some educational stuff with her, which I think they don't really do. They also let her get away with murder and never tell her not to do stuff. Sometimes they want to see her once to twice a week, so she can spend a bit of time there. It's variable though, sometimes they don't have her there for a couple of weeks. It depends on their schedule.

There may be a period coming up where they'll ask to have her round more and I'm concerned how it will impractical her.

In that case, if I am also there sometimes, I can suggest activities or encourage everyone to try teaching her certain things I'm working on - like body parts or colours etc. whatever it might be I'm trying to teach her.

I just don't like that they always want to snatch her away and are unwilling to spend time with her here.

Like I say, sometimes is fine, but it shouldn't be the expectation every time they want to spend time with her.

What does everyone else do when their children see grandparents ? Is it always on the grandparents terms at their house, without you there ? Or do you all spend time together ?

Has your DD had a hearing test? My DD’s speech was behind at that age & often ignored instructions - turned out she had bad glue ear & needed grommets.

As far as the in laws go, I wouldn’t make stand until you’ve had the baby & feel more mobile. The best thing you can do is to make sure they have age appropriate toys at their house for her to play with.

Learning how to build relationships is vital at this age. Be grateful you get given a break, a lot of people don’t.

OP don’t get sucked into comparing your child to anyone else’s. They all mature at different rates and you honestly don’t need to be doing anything structured educationally at 2.

Be grateful your child has GPS who seek time out with their grandchildren and are confident enough to take her off your hands for a bit. That relationship is so hugely valuable and it’s one that so many kids don’t get.

OP you don't sound unreasonable. It's your child and if you say she comes home then she comes home. There does not need to be any discussion. I think you will only need to follow up once to make your point.

As for the educational activities, I wouldn't worry as long as they aren't putting her in front of a screen. Given a variety of toys a 2 year old will find their own entertainment. Basically they are doing science experiments all the time, or role play, or looking at books.
If you want to do educational things with your daughter then follow her interests. If she doesn't care about body parts but loves painting, let her do more painting. You can look up painting related activities online to add more variety. At some point she will get interested in something else and you can just follow her lead.
Talking about everything that you are doing is the best way to help with language. Again follow her interests in what things she wants to talk about. Let her choose her own books at the library. Have you heard of Montessori parenting?

OP I think you should do a new thread about dealing with your in laws reaction to your boundaries. On this thread people are replying to your original post and not reading all of them. Your MIL's reactions are not normal.

For what it's worth while you are heavily pregnant and with a new born you probably need all the help you can get so may not want to fall out but in the long term you will need to sort out this issue.

She’s 2 OP. Chill out

I'm in two minds..... on one hand I always preferred when my children were minded in my own home. They had their own beds, toys, and everything had been baby proofed.
However, my parents did mind mine while I worked, and it was always in their house. They (parents) were more comfortable in their own house.
Mil never showed an interest in having them, so if she had, I'd probably have jumped at the chance of children getting to spend time with her, regardless of location.

Being in a situation where I have no family nearby I would be hugely grateful for MIL to spend time with kids. This relationship
Is so important. Kids learn as they go along . Chill out

My In-Laws only wanted my DS at their house from newborn. Never to visit him at our house. We said no, they could come to our house or all of us visit theirs. They sent a letter saying they wanted no part in his life as "it's all on your terms". Nobody is entitled to alone time to your child. If you're uncomfortable with it I'd just ask them if they wouldn't mind visiting him at your house too

@LavenderBlue95

My In-Laws only wanted my DS at their house from newborn. Never to visit him at our house. We said no, they could come to our house or all of us visit theirs. They sent a letter saying they wanted no part in his life as "it's all on your terms". Nobody is entitled to alone time to your child. If you're uncomfortable with it I'd just ask them if they wouldn't mind visiting him at your house too

Bloody hell, they sound really, really strange! Have they never seen him then? I can’t get over how odd some people are. And of course it’s on your terms, it’s your child!

@Keithlovessmash They saw him when he was tiny. The overbearing started when I was pregnant. They have treated me like shit since. Neither of their children have any contact with them. It’s all my fault obviously

[quote LavenderBlue95]@Keithlovessmash They saw him when he was tiny. The overbearing started when I was pregnant. They have treated me like shit since. Neither of their children have any contact with them. It’s all my fault obviously [/quote]
And the only people they have ruined it for is themselves. It’s madness.

I don't blame your in laws for wanting to go to their house with her. You sound extra

Oh bless you, OP. I can’t quite work out whether your behaviour is sweetly demented or mildly concerning. In any case, I quite understand she her sitting grandparents want to spend time with her at theirs (though disrespectful on tbe one occasion you mention)

Good luck with your second - and I think you will look back on this time further down tbe line and inwardly Rome your eyes at yourself

As has been said, your poor MIL and daughter. For most kids, visiting grandparents is a real joy as they get spoilt and have a different set of people doting on them in a different way. Your attitude to this sound overbearing, abnormal and not healthy.

Wow you must have some issues to come to this conclusion based on what OP wrote.

Ignore that and focus on your daughter and her milestones.

You are right, in that they are like little sponges at this age, soaking everything up, but they do learn through play and experiencing different things, so no need to worry about teaching specifically. Also do not worry about her being behind some of her peers at this age, they do develop in varied timescales, my oldest son was ridiculously advanced, and I thought it was because I was SuperMum but when I had a second child, he was much slower, needed speech therapy at 5, was average at primary school, but went off like a rocket at 15, and always worked hard, and exceeded his brother in education and career.
Your child will be OK, because you care, and you notice her development and are prepared to give her the attention she needs, but other family members have different things to contribute, so let them.

As has been said, your poor MIL
That 'poor' mother in law disrespected OPs boundaries, lied to her (said she would bring her home then took her back to their house) and has form for shouting at OP and calling her a bully when OP dares to implement some boundaries. But of course SHE'S the victim

She goes to full time nursery. I think you need to chill out and let the grandparents be fun.

My 2 year old knows there's different rules at home to nanny's house. My mum lets her do thing that I wouldn't want her doing at home. But she knows the difference.

My mum picks my daughter up from school twice a week when I am working till 5. One of these days she stays over, the other she just goes for tea. In the holidays, my mum looks after her occasionally and it will be a combination of playing here, at her house or going out.

I won't let my inlaws have her alone but this is because they have shown me they can't be trusted to look after her properly.

Dear God, do you not want your child to have any fun. Not every second of every day is a learning opportunity. Having said that, children learn much through play, observation and varied interaction with lots of people.
I loved the time I spent with my grandparents (generally the whole of the summer holiday and easter), especially as I was away from my parents. Chill out a bit please!