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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

…to just put £20 in the card?

227 replies

Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:20

I’m going to a wedding in a couple of weeks of an old school friend, we have always stayed in contact but rarely meet up (confiscating diaries, lives really) but I think a lot of her.

She is alternative, as is her h2b (think no wedding dress etc) very low key wedding. I went on the hen which was brilliant as just drinks in the town we grew up in.

Money is tight (for everyone) but I do have a good job (which friend knows).

The couple have not asked for presents/money etc but mentioned some cash towards the honeymoon.

AIBU to put £20 in the card with a message like - ‘get yourself some cocktails on me?’ Or is £20 really a measly amount?? Advice please ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:21

*conflicting diaries 🤣 we don’t have our diaries taken away from us

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Mumdiva99 · 07/04/2022 10:24

You put in what you can afford and feels right for you. Doesn't matter what others say. Personally as most cocktails in the UK are around £12-15 then if that was your intention maybe a little more. Or just a message this is towards the honeymoon.... if its what you can afford.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:26

@Mumdiva99 thank you. Yeah it should be what I can afford, j mean I could stretch to a little more but it just seems to be one of those months the money is pouring out at all angles 🤮

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phishy · 07/04/2022 10:27

I think it’s fine.

No point in stretching yourself for someone you rarely meet up with, unless she attended your wedding and gave a present, in which case, I would match that.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:27

Just want an honest view (I’m not married so never had a wedding present/cash) not been to any weddings for years either. Those who are married would you honestly expect a bit more or are you all just grateful for any bits and bobs towards your honeymoon? X

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Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:28

@phishy thanks I’m not married, when my daughter was born (friend doesn’t have children) she sent a piece of artwork she does which was lovely.

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KylieCharlene · 07/04/2022 10:29

I'm on a low wage and really couldn't afford to put much money in the card but I have to say that, yes, £20 is measly for a good friends wedding and I'd be looking probably at £50.
Sorry.

Pookywooky23 · 07/04/2022 10:29

I think that’s fine - you don’t need to give anything a card is enough but if you want to give an extra I’m sure they will be grateful.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:30

@KylieCharlene thank you, I’m here for the honestly.

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phishy · 07/04/2022 10:30

What kind of wedding is it?

If it’s a low key wedding, £20 is fine. If it’s in a stately home or something then I would stretch to £50.

Cervinia · 07/04/2022 10:30

If you have a good job I think £20 is tight for a good friend. Where is the honeymoon? If it’s abroad and they want cash I usually buy euros or dollars or whatever. The different currency is less obvious if you cannot afford a big wad of cash and you get a few more euros than you do pounds! Also it looks like you’ve gone to some effort in sourcing it and thinking about their honeymoon.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:31

@phishy seriously low key, no stately homes, just working man’s club, everything in the same venue etc, no sit down meal. But this is perfect for them

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Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:31

@Cervinia this is a good idea as the honeymoon is in France

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phishy · 07/04/2022 10:32

We do give £100 for a family wedding, but they reciprocate with £100 too so it’s a bit transactional.

No way do you need to go that far.

At my wedding, some non-family gave £30, which was fine, and we had a very fancy wedding. (wish we had saved the money and put towards the massive mortgage).

BarbaraofSeville · 07/04/2022 10:33

It's absolutely fine. How much their wedding costs or the location is irrelevant to your budget, so don't worry about that.

Maybe just put 'have a drink on me' rather than cocktails if you're unnecessarily overthinking about whether the amount you give will stretch to cocktails.

phishy · 07/04/2022 10:33

[quote Narwhalelife]@phishy seriously low key, no stately homes, just working man’s club, everything in the same venue etc, no sit down meal. But this is perfect for them[/quote]
£20 is bang right then.

MoonbeamSprinkles · 07/04/2022 10:34
  • What kind of wedding is it? If it’s a low key wedding, £20 is fine. If it’s in a stately home or something then I would stretch to £50.*

Why would what kind of wedding it is change how much you give?

Are you a day guest or evening guest?

We tend to give £20 if we’re an evening guest and more for a full day.

However when we got married we got a while range of different amounts and we’re honestly just grateful for anything, peoples attendance was enough.

Give what you can afford and what you want to then don’t think about it again.

KhaleesiOfChaos · 07/04/2022 10:34

It's a lovely idea but think it should be more like £50 really.

Sorry if that's a struggle but presumably you've had a bit of notice or there is time to save over a few months?

Floralnomad · 07/04/2022 10:35

I think £50 is more appropriate, the type of wedding is irrelevant you are not paying them back for inviting you you are giving a gift to friends .

phishy · 07/04/2022 10:35

@MoonbeamSprinkles

* What kind of wedding is it? If it’s a low key wedding, £20 is fine. If it’s in a stately home or something then I would stretch to £50.*

Why would what kind of wedding it is change how much you give?

Are you a day guest or evening guest?

We tend to give £20 if we’re an evening guest and more for a full day.

However when we got married we got a while range of different amounts and we’re honestly just grateful for anything, peoples attendance was enough.

Give what you can afford and what you want to then don’t think about it again.

Well, why would you give more as a day guest than as an evening guest?

Everyone’s approach/perspective is different, there are no right or wrong answers.

MoonbeamSprinkles · 07/04/2022 10:35

Do people really give different amounts depending on what type of wedding it is??

I find that really shocking and mean.

Ponoka7 · 07/04/2022 10:35

Put what you can afford in. I always try to cover what I think my meal was, which is why the amounts might vary.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:37

@BarbaraofSeville thank you, yes that’s the plan i think just don’t want the couple to open it and think I shouldn’t have even bothered 🤣

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MoonbeamSprinkles · 07/04/2022 10:37

Well, why would you give more as a day guest than as an evening guest?

Because you’re usually not as close to people who you only attend the evening do of.

Original poster
Narwhalelife · 07/04/2022 10:38

@MoonbeamSprinkles it’s not meant to be mean, more of an indication that the couple are really chilled laid back and my friend isn’t expecting anything, but I want to gift something to them

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