…to just put £20 in the card?

[Narwhalelife]

I’m going to a wedding in a couple of weeks of an old school friend, we have always stayed in contact but rarely meet up (confiscating diaries, lives really) but I think a lot of her.

She is alternative, as is her h2b (think no wedding dress etc) very low key wedding. I went on the hen which was brilliant as just drinks in the town we grew up in.

Money is tight (for everyone) but I do have a good job (which friend knows).

The couple have not asked for presents/money etc but mentioned some cash towards the honeymoon.

AIBU to put £20 in the card with a message like - ‘get yourself some cocktails on me?’ Or is £20 really a measly amount?? Advice please ☺️

Are you attending as a couple or on your own?

If it’s a couple £10 each sounds cheap.

Try to find a comfortable amount for you. You sound uncomfortable with £20 otherwise you wouldn’t have started the thread.

Don’t spend the day cringing because you felt you gave too little - give more of it makes you feel better and have a better day.

I’m on a very low wage but I would be quite embarrassed to only be able to give £20, so I would at least double that in your shoes.

I would actually think it a bit weird to get £20 in a card off somebody that I know is not extremely struck for cash. I would think it less weird to get nothing to be honest. You wanted honesty, so I will be honest, I’d be embarrassed to give a good friend £20 for their wedding.

If covering your head become the new norm I won’t be attending. Weddings already cost enough, I’m not going to pay £100 a head for some dry chicken to.

I should have added, if it was a struggling friend, I wouldn't want or expect anything at all. Just a nice card.

£20 does seem a bit low. £30 even would look better but I'd go for £50

It's a pretty small amount but then I'm in Ireland and we tend to give a lot for wedding presents. I don't know with the standard amount in the UK is.

If I'm entirely honest and you could stretch to it, I'd go for £40 worth of Euros.

McDonalds for 4 of us comes to over £20.

If it impacts your ability to eat, stay warm, pay bills, etc. then stick to the £20 though as no way would I want anyone putting themselves in that position for my wedding.

Give what you can afford. £20 is fine.

@Rewis

I think for cash I'd go for a bit more. If I could afford £20 then I might buy something instead if cash. Like nice bottle of wine or champagne.

Not sure you'd get a nice bottle of Champagne for £20

Think it also depends on if you're going alone or with a partner. If latter, I think £20 would be really tight. Tbh I think it's a bit stingy for you alone... sorry.

When ever I've attended a wedding, that months expenditure has gone up quite a lot, even in years when I was really broke. If this is a good friend and you say you have a god job I would give more and economise next month. Doesn't need to be loads but I think I would be going for £40 as a minimum. If you really can't stretch to that how about the £20 and a bottle of prosecco. That way you have contributed to the honeymoon fund and they can still have a celebratory drink on you.

£20?? Wow. That is so cheap! I would be embarrassed to give £20. I wouldn’t attend if I couldn’t afford a gift.

I think cash in the card is fine. If you have a good job, then £20 does feel a little measly to be honest....

@MoonbeamSprinkles

* What kind of wedding is it? If it’s a low key wedding, £20 is fine. If it’s in a stately home or something then I would stretch to £50.*

Why would what kind of wedding it is change how much you give?

Are you a day guest or evening guest?

We tend to give £20 if we’re an evening guest and more for a full day.

However when we got married we got a while range of different amounts and we’re honestly just grateful for anything, peoples attendance was enough.

Give what you can afford and what you want to then don’t think about it again.

Agree with this, you are not paying to attend the venue or event, you are giving a gift. The value should be appropriate whatever type of wedding it is. Personally, if she is such a good friend I think £20 is not enough. I think £50 more appropriate but I don't know your circumstances and what you can afford. If of course putting in more means you do not have enough money to cover you til payday then of course you put in less (what you can afford).

For those of you questioning if you can get a nice bottle of Champagne for £20 - try this award winning gorgeous stuff …

www.waitrosecellar.com/champagne/waitrose-brut-nv?gclid=Cj0KCQjwl7qSBhD-ARIsACvV1X35AHzoVS66Ks5Mzr7E_8ECNGzQEcYTChntCo9S234TFRFQA0h6VisaAnXdEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

For the pp saying it depends on the type of wedding (unless abroad), why does this change what you would give?

The couple make a decision on what they want their wedding to be like. My gift to them depends on what I want to give, not how much they’ve spent on a venue. If you went to a birthday party, you wouldn’t spend more on a gift if it’s at an expensive venue instead of a party at home so why would you do that with a wedding??

I think it's fine, says a lot if someone is put out by not getting "enough" money. I'm glad I don't have any weddings to attend if people are just judging how much is given/received, feels sad that gifts are scrutinised so much when it's not meant to be about how much you can get. I'd say, if you need the cost of the meal back, don't have such a big wedding.
Although your friend sounds a lot more laidback OP, and more that she just wants her friends there regardless of how much money they can or can't offer.

Thanks everyone! I think il probably do the euros thing, €50.

To answer some questions, I’m going alone to the wedding, it’s very small, no DC or DP invited which is a bit odd (not so much no kids as I get that part!) but I want to support her.

No sit down meal.

I think the set up is small late afternoon ceremony then straight to the dance floor & buffet. But again I’m not married and haven’t been to many weddings (maybe 3 in my life) so im not judging this in anyway, but I think compared to big white weddings this will be quite different.

Instead of gifting money why don't you buy them a couple of nice picture frames so they can put their wedding photographs on display if they wish.

Jeez, we were just happy to have our friends turn up for our special day! No expectation of money/gifts and, of course, some insisted but we didn't think less of those that didn't. What a horrible way to view people/ life.

I always give a £50 note I get from the bank (it just seems a bit more special) if I’m going to the full do. £20 would be for an evening do only.

£20 is plenty for a guest to give.

I'd put in at least £50. I'd feel a bit tight putting in less unless I couldn't afford it.

Sorry but yes I think £20 is tight especially as you say yourself you have a good job and your friend knows that. You'd like to hope the wedding will be a one off - i.e. she won't be doing it again. I think getting Euros is a good idea. Could you run to 50 euros perhaps?