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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
sassyduck · 07/04/2022 06:51

YABU

ComDummings · 07/04/2022 06:51

YABU but I kind of get it. When you have a child you have to learn to let things go. This is one of those things you need to let go.

ConfusedbyCovid · 07/04/2022 06:55

@berksandbeyond

You’re being PFB sorry. But then I also think it’s ridiculous they’re doing a full days childcare while you’re on maternity leave🤷🏼‍♀️
This!

It’s only ice cream… can’t even remember when any of mine had their first taste.
You’re getting a full day of childcare and time to yourself… do you even realise how lucky you are?! I still don’t get this TEN YEARS ON!!

alexdgr8 · 07/04/2022 06:57

but how was MIL expected to know that it was a thing for you.
you have to trust her to care for the child appropriately, or else do it all yourself. you can't have it both ways.

firstbabyworries · 07/04/2022 06:57

I dont think you're being UR @maloney123
I actually totally understand. I have felt exactly the same about a lot of things with my boy. Also you said you won't mention it which I probably wouldn't either, you just want a rant- fair enough. In an ideal world we would be there to see everything, however it's not possible, or healthy! It's a constant internal struggle for me, maybe you also.
You be annoyed if you want, have a rant, then have a big cuddle with your baby 😊

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/04/2022 06:58

You need to try an find some perspective on this as you've lost it I'm afraid.

Secretroses · 07/04/2022 06:58

I am going to stick up for OP as I would feel the same if grandparents had given my baby ice cream first. It was a special moment for us when our baby first had ice cream and remains a very cute memory. Maybe others aren't as sentimental but some of us are and it doesn't make our feelings any less valid.

Georgeskitchen · 07/04/2022 07:03

Your being precious. It's ice cream not her first steps which god forbid I hope she doesn't take when with her Granny 🤣🤣🤣

DotBall · 07/04/2022 07:03

@Holidaycountdownbegins

Create your own moment by giving DD her first pickled onion monster munch. I recall that being very entertaining.
Best answer on thread 😁
CuntyMcBollocks · 07/04/2022 07:03

I don't think your baby will look back in years to come and fondly remember that her first ever taste of ice cream was given their grandparents. They won't remember any of it.

findingsomeone · 07/04/2022 07:06

I would feel similar. But my MIL and I don't really have much of a relationship. If you want a day to yourself on mat leave you have to accept things like this, which is why YABU. I also couldn't have gone a day a week without my DD at 9 months, I just wasn't ready.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/04/2022 07:06

Dear God 🙄 and wtf is with everyone being on a journey for everything the do now?

Patchbatch · 07/04/2022 07:07

! You do know that smoked anything is very high in salt and therefore shouldn’t be given to babies? Smoked fish is as harmful as cake.

No it isn't, smoked fish is packed with nutrients whereas cake is not (both have a place in a balanced diet though). Yes you need to be mindful of salt, but unless they're having a massive piece and regularly it'll fit within their salt allowance.

OP I'm sure your little one will be excited and enjoy ice cream next time you give them one as well.

mummabubs · 07/04/2022 07:08

@Holskey

If I were looking after someone else's 9-month-old, I would definitely ask if it was okay before giving ice cream or similar.

I was fascinated by my pfb's first taste of ice cream too, so I do get it.

Though I do think if you want all the firsts you can't have someone else look after pfb so regularly. Just how it is.

This is what I was going to say. For me I wouldn't have been happy for my 9mo to receive ice cream if all they'd had before was 'healthy' food, so that would be an issue, but seeing my baby have their first treat wouldn't be a thing for me.

But I think the thing is if you want in-laws to look after your DD this regularly then they are going to end up making choices without consulting you on a day-to-day basis. If you're not happy with this then I think they shouldn't have her so regularly?

FourChimneys · 07/04/2022 07:09

My DC are in their 20s.I have no idea when they had their first ice cream or who gave it to them.

Maybe you could offer your baby some jelly or chocolate mousse if you want to give her a similar treat.

amidsummernightsdream · 07/04/2022 07:09

Honestly i think some of the responses on here are bizzare and this is obviously one of those mumsnet things where people love to act competitively nonchalant about because they are so laid back and love to be incredulous about how you feel.
Op i understand this bothering you. I think feeding our babies is emotive and if baby hasnt has sweet food, despite what people are saying on here it is a milestone and one you would expect to be a part of.

As you can see not everyone thinks the same way, so maybe your MiL didn't either.

Its up to you if you want to tell her you were upset. I suppose it depends what you want to get out of it- eg her asking you about things in future.

Its hard when they are doing you a favour with childcare though. If you dont trust them to fully respect your wishes maybe end the childcare arrangement.

Its ok to be upset about it though

Morph22010 · 07/04/2022 07:12

I think if you want to dictate to them to this extent then you shouldn’t rely on them for childcare. But even at a nursery life is going to be full of little firsts then you’ll be abit disappointed to have missed, it’s just part of life is you can’t be a full time sah mum. What is she starts taking her first steps at your mil’s, what would you expect her to do?

Littlescottiedog · 07/04/2022 07:12

BBQ crisps. That's the food my son gave the best reaction to. I videoed it and have made a nice little meme for him to enjoy when he's 21 😂

OP, I've only read your posts and at the beginning it did sound as though you wanted to give the first ice cream just for the reaction. But honestly, there are so many foods that you could give to watch her reaction that I'm not sure why ice cream is so special? Find a different food.

I think if you're lucky enough to have your in-laws taking your child for a whole day a week then you just need to accept they're going to feed your daughter and do activities with her and you won't be there to see.

Lovemyheathershimmer · 07/04/2022 07:13

Your going to be that mother!

mumofEandE · 07/04/2022 07:13

@maloney123

Let me rephrase I guess…she’s only had plain / sensible foods so far on her weaning journey. The sweetest thing she’s had is fruit. For me ice cream is different to avocado or or broccoli or something like that…I don’t know I just wanted to give her her first “treat” food I guess. If anyones seen Place Beyond the Pines there’s a really cute bit where the parents give the baby his first taste of ice cream. Thanks for responses anyway!
Good Grief! PFB completely and yes I agree with the the other poster that it does sound as if you wanted an insta moment! Wait until she decides to walk on the day that she is at her grandparents! If you are that bothered give her a different flavour and call that her first!
Cupcakegirl13 · 07/04/2022 07:14

This is the second thread I’ve read about MIL and childcare tonight - if you don’t like it pay for childcare but I think you’ll find nurseries do ice cream too 🤣

Harrysmummy246 · 07/04/2022 07:15

Yabu.
You're still on mat leave and they have her a day a week. That's a very lucky position to be in.

mumofEandE · 07/04/2022 07:16

@ABitDrunk

A lot of mumsneters quickly forget their pfb moments & become sneary twats.

I think this has happened to me. What ever should I do?

Have an ice cream !!Grin
GrandPrismatic · 07/04/2022 07:16

Wait until your baby takes their first steps while your MIL is looking after them!

(Both mine took their first steps at nursery!)

NiceTwin · 07/04/2022 07:16

Ah bless you op. I get you're upset but saying something to your mil will probably upset her, so I definitely wouldn't say anything.

There will be plenty more firsts that you will have along the way, try not to over think this one.