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MiL gave baby first ice cream
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maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP's posts:
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Cakeandcoffee93 · 10/04/2022 00:36

Ignore the weird comments. This happened with me and I was devastated as it’s the first time and they got to experience it with my baby and not me. It meant a lot to me- so I would say please please gently ask them to let you know what they will be doing with baby. I ended up sobbing as they took mine to the beach for the first time and my bf thought I was being ridiculous. But I wanted to experience it for me seeing her walking into the sand etc. your only a mum once with these experiences so speak up but in a nice way. Be like I was gutted I missed out on this please ring me and I can be there first! Honestly they will understand they are just super excited as much as you are but you are babies mum!

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Newhousesad · 10/04/2022 03:24

Yeah, YABU

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Monster80 · 10/04/2022 06:45

If such small details bother you, pay for professional childcare of which you can clearly set rules without seeming so ungrateful. My mother in law sees my little one once every 6 months. So things like first ice cream really didn’t ever seem important/flash on my radar.

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Fez148 · 10/04/2022 06:48

I completely agree with you. First ice cream is special (the face!!!!), my 4 year old still has only had ice cream a few times on days out, it is a real treat. 9 months is faaaar to early for sweet stuff like that, why not give her plain yogurt instead???? I would be quite upset. There is no reason to give a 9 month old ice cream, completely unnecessary. especially without checking with mum!!!

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WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/04/2022 08:03

[quote YouTubeRabbitHole]@WalkingOnTheCracks yes the OP asked AIBU but 23 pages of mainly negative comments and being called names by those giving their opinions would upset most people. Posters can answer without the abuse and insults.[/quote]
And you call that ‘hate’.

What word do you use for…well….hate?

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WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/04/2022 08:20

@YouTubeRabbitHole

...though having said that, I agree that people often overstate their case on MN. These discussions can get a bit...binary. You're either totally this or totally that.

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italianways · 10/04/2022 08:39

@maloney123
i am in a minority here I expect but I do sort of see what you mean
i did give my DS his first taste of something-that-wasn’t-very-boring when he was about five months old and I will never forget the look on his face. I am very glad it was me who gave it to him. Ice cream didn’t happen for at least another year however, and while it was quite funny it wasn’t the thing I will remember and I wasn’t so bothered about it.
The other reason I have some sympathy is that some GPs don’t know where the line is between grand parenting and parenting, and start making decisions which aren’t really theirs to make (because they think they know best). I am not saying that handing out ice cream is the worst decision on earth but when something like this happens it can make you wonder what else they will decide to do which might not be something you want to happen.
The only real solution, if you can afford it, is to pay professionals to do the childcare and make your preferences known to them. It is much easier without all the family dynamics, emotional blackmail, obligations etc.

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berryhol · 10/04/2022 08:58

Honestly, my son has a life limiting condition, no one can look after him apart from us due to his complex needs, what I wouldn’t give to have him eat ice cream at his grandparents house. Please just stay grateful they adore your child and look after him and look to bigger things to worry about

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Mez14 · 10/04/2022 09:16

Hi Maloney
I get where you are coming from as I would have felt a bit upset too with my babies but now I am a mother in law and I also see it from the other side and how in the moment they would have just been caught up in the excitement. And you’ve posted on here because you are trying to make sense of your feelings - and would like the support of fellow moms.

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ChangefortheBetter88 · 10/04/2022 09:46

How about you stop being ungrateful? You scream helicopter parent. You are very lucky to have such kind and caring in-laws looking after your baby. I can’t wait to see your reaction when she walks for them first.

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Bollindger · 10/04/2022 09:51

Do I remember my child's first bath? No.
Do I remember my child's first drink if juice.? No.
Do I remember my child's first taste of chocolate. ? Yes because it made me laugh as my mum gave her chocolate . One day you will see, the very reason you were not there will be why you always remember ice cream . Stop beings an idiot. Stress the big things. And claim this memory and own it.

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rainbowmash · 10/04/2022 10:12

It's very telling that OP mentions seeing the "ice cream moment" in a movie.

OP, you've come here to hear opinions but you seem to be primed to see everyone to disagree with you as mean and rude.

I don't think it's appropriate to comment on you as a person, but rather your thought process and behaviour here, which is, frankly, cringe.

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YouTubeRabbitHole · 10/04/2022 10:13

[quote WalkingOnTheCracks]@YouTubeRabbitHole

...though having said that, I agree that people often overstate their case on MN. These discussions can get a bit...binary. You're either totally this or totally that.[/quote]
You’ve hit the nail on the head @WalkingOnTheCracks
I’d hate to be on the receiving end of the type of comments in this post. Whether the OP regrets the question, who knows…..they’re keeping schtum.

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Elfblossom · 10/04/2022 10:19

OP - i totally get it. ... I do.

I had 3 daughters who were 16, 13 & 11 when I had my son (he's now 13.)

For his whole life, his sisters never wanted to miss out on any of his 'firsts'

Whether I saved a 'first until we were all together or took video or video called, so long as none of the sisters missed the experience altogether, that was the aim and it was because we ALL loved him and marvelled in everything about him!

For those of you who read this and think he's been molly coddled by the 4 women in his life, ... hahahahahaha, NO.

But he does know how much periods suck & will bring you chocolate & a hot water bottle without prompting & he can sew and cook AND change a plug & use power tools ... I digress!

OP It's okay to feel a bit sad that you missed seeing your first child's first taste of ice cream, feel sad for a bit and then move on though.

Maybe give baby her first taste of ... CHOCOLATE! and video/photograph for grandparents & say 'I took these because I know uou wouldn't want to miss out on any 'firsts', if you try any new foods when she with you, I'd love it if you'd record it for me too.'

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Carrick27 · 10/04/2022 10:33

My ‘kids’ are 23 & 20 I can’t remember when, where or who gave them their first ice cream. Honestly in the great scheme of things it won’t matter by the time you’ve got them to adulthood….trust me.

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WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/04/2022 10:38

....people often overstate their case on MN. These discussions can get a bit...binary. You're either totally this or totally that.


@YouTubeRabbitHole

You’ve hit the nail on the head @WalkingOnTheCracks*
I’d hate to be on the receiving end of the type of comments in this post.*

Maybe people would be less extreme if the voting system weren't so 'this or that'.

They should have a slider, so you can vote on the level of AIBUness.


YABU YANBU
----^----------

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WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/04/2022 10:41

....damn. That attempt at a graphic didn't work right at all.

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WonderWheels22 · 10/04/2022 10:57

Ok so if they gave baby say vanilla ice-cream why don’t you you give baby some lemon or chocolate ice-cream? It tastes so different so you will be able to have your own first! This maybe a little of a compromise but it’s the best you have and I’m sure you’ll get the reaction you want to see.

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LaMarschallin · 10/04/2022 11:33

rainbowmash

It's very telling that OP mentions seeing the "ice cream moment" in a movie.

I felt that too. Also describing it as "a cute milestone moment for a baby" (my underlining).

I know the OP said it was nothing to do with Instagram or similar, so fair enough, but it's understandable that some people felt it was all about the likes.
And perhaps "likes" are more important than I realise 🤷‍♀️

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Mocha20 · 10/04/2022 11:39

Ignore the rude comments , I totally understand as much as ice- cream isn't a huge thing for me it's the fact she's done this above you without asking. I really wouldn't want my 9 month getting ice cream yet or at least ask prior. I'd definitely mention asking you before giving you child anything especially something new so young. I've had the same issues and struggling to address it with MIL , don't end up like me upset and now unsure how I can address it as ive let too many things slide. X

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Glammeup · 10/04/2022 13:36

Agree . So what if they gave her first ice cream . As the other poster said maybe you should do the childcare 24/7 so you can monitor all her firsts . You should be happy that she shared the special moment with her grandparents and that they got to enjoy this with her . It sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do . You may not like the responses but they are true and you asked .

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Glammeup · 10/04/2022 13:38

Grin
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threatmatrix · 10/04/2022 16:45

I think you are being a bit pathetic.

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lashesandflashes · 10/04/2022 18:45

I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s ok to feel this way but you do have to let it go. Babies at this age live in the moment so you’ll get to enjoy it as a first too!

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