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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
Kite22 · 09/04/2022 21:13

@Nan49

Yes, I have to agree with most people on this: YABU. A nuance, though, this is your MIL, and the relationship, even if good, can never be the same as with your own mother. I speak as a gran who was privileged to look after my daughter's 2 very frequently during their baby and toddler years, (I was fortunate to be retired at 60.) We can be very frank - usually - with each other, which is more difficult with in-law relationships. She did let me know when she wasn't happy about something I did but also expressed appreciation, as I'm sure you do too. What I noticed with baby no 2 was that she was far more relaxed about things , so maybe your sensitivity about some issues can be attributed to this being your first child. We all imagine that perfection is attainable, especially with the first! Enjoy your mat leave while you can and God bless you.
What a lovely post Smile
typingcake · 09/04/2022 21:18

We were hanging off till our boy was 1 for ice cream and we were almost there when the week before, his daily report card came back from nursery and they had given him some after lunch 😂 we realise that nursery must have seen so many ‘firsts’ and we are ok with that. It probably comes down to how much of a chill person you are. If I had a free day of childcare each week from either set of grandparents they they could take him on his first trip to the zoo or ride a steam train! Must be lovely to have that. I don’t even have a babysitter so we can go for a meal.

CrankyFrankie · 09/04/2022 21:34

I can see why you felt miffed, she’s only 9mo! And often first ice creams are really funny to witness. I think they’d be better not to tell you these things, it’s kind of insensitive, and you should lay a couple of ground rules (but pick your battles). It’s hard sharing them sometimes.

ShamedBySiri · 09/04/2022 21:43

I do understand OP, but I'm afraid being a mother will involve many such moments. Perhaps it is part of gradually learning to let go of that fierce all encompassing closeness and protectiveness we all feel for our new babies. As they grow older we have to loosen the ties to let them have freedom and independence. And that starts with entrusting their care to others, be it grandparents, childminders, nurseries, schools...
We can't be there for every new experience, good or bad in their lives.

I don't know why I'm rambling so.

But I will say I could write a book on similar events when I became a new mother.

My childminder cheerfully told me how funny it was to see the look on my baby daughter's face when she gave her some lemon to suck on. I was a bit bemused, not because I thought I'd missed out on a special moment but because (and this was a wonderful childminder who I knew, loved and trusted implicitly) but it seemed a bit of a mean joke. Anyway I didn't make a thing of it, and my daughter continued to have lovely days with the childminder. She loved going there.

My mother gave her the first chocolate. When I really wanted to put off the whole sugar / chocolate love.
And later we had the "I want ribena like Grandpa makes it" (50/50 ribena/water unlike my 2 drops ribena full cup of water)

DH and I agreed we wouldn't be taking our children to McDonalds but a friend took them as a "treat" along with her son on a day out.

One of the more annoying, which really wasn't my Mum's fault as she wasn't to know, but DH and I had agreed Grease was a highly unsuitable film for our young daughters and they wouldn't get to see it but Mum bought the DVD for them to watch as a treat when they were staying there one weekend.

And don't even get me started on school.

I could go on.

There will be more occasions like this. Pick your battles carefully.

ShamedBySiri · 09/04/2022 21:46

And @CauliflowerBalti sums it up well.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 09/04/2022 21:54

Sorry OP but YABU. Your not going to remember most firsts in 10 years time, it’s not like walking or a first word.

Bmh54 · 09/04/2022 21:54

Think you are being OTT...tbh
My parents fed my first child strawberries -& ice-cream and told me how funny it was.
At 9 months old. Obviously there are going to be lots of milestones you might miss, bit just enjoy the many you won't.

cazba26 · 09/04/2022 22:02

Did u tell MIL u wanted to give the first ice cream treat? I think you're over reacting.

MonicaMomo · 09/04/2022 22:20

I get it, I'm looking forward to seeing my baby have her first sweet thing and I too am not feeding her sweet things when I start to wean her off the breast - so it is a special thing. So missing that moment would be sad for me.

I agree with the other posters to an extent as well, you're not going to get everything you want with your daughter, and so I wouldn't stay upset about it, and I would focus on the moments that you do get going forward.

Good on you for making your wishes to your MIL known. You are your daughter's mum, you deserve to be heard, even if it's not everyone's opinion.

At the same time, you sound grateful for your MIL's help, and so you should let her know that too (which I'm sure you have). The relationship is bigger than just this one event.

I hope that makes sense.

shrinkwrappt · 09/04/2022 22:33

@maloney123, I suggest you bookmark this thread and put a reminder in your calendar to re-visit it in 10 years time. I guarantee you will cringe.

Owl55 · 09/04/2022 22:34

Get over it! YABU

Frenchtoastie · 09/04/2022 22:37

Why do you ask a question and then reject the resounding YABU response

What was the point in asking

Ann30567 · 09/04/2022 22:39

It is bullying when lots of people are piling on and having a go. Lots of horrible and cowardly women on here as they would never say it to her face. And to the woman who said would the poster want to be there for her daughter’s first sexual experience. How fuckin sick?!! I have a seven month old and I’m loving all the firsts. I’m with you OP. And to hell with the bitches.

RainbowLollipop · 09/04/2022 22:55

I mean I kind of get what you mean because with all three of my DC I wanted to see their face and how they'd react to tasting something so cold for the first time. Would I have been upset about it if I weren't there? Probably not.
I'm sure you'll be there to witness many actual milestones like their first steps etc
It's not worth losing sleep over this as I think it's minor. There's so much more to look forward to in your child's life Smile

LavenderBrownWeasley · 09/04/2022 22:57

I would have been disappointed too!!!

cazba26 · 09/04/2022 23:01

Your post has made it onto Edinburgh Live on Facebook🤣

CeCeDrake · 09/04/2022 23:11

I think you can turn this around OP - how special for you to enable your MIL to have this wonderful ‘first’ moment with her first grandchild ☺️

You have so many wonderful firsts with your baby and so many more to come, she’s had this one and she will forever be grateful for it I reckon ☺️

Isittimeformynapyet · 09/04/2022 23:25

@Theunamedcat

My mom cut my daughters first curl for her to keep she was shocked I noticed of course I noticed she only had 3 curls came home with two 😂 I was pissed off at her she tried getting her sisters to support her but they sided with me she didn't do it again
Punctuation
RiyaJ · 09/04/2022 23:29

You're over reacting. No big deal. If you start taking these small things personally then you will have a difficult life ahead of you.

Life is too short to waste on petty little arguments or hurts.

Trixyvix · 09/04/2022 23:58

Yabu

Belinda500 · 10/04/2022 00:01

I think it's sad that your mother in law can't just relax, within reasonable limits, and enjoy her grandchild. Would you be so precious with your own mother? You are being unfair and rather controlling.

LindosDreams14 · 10/04/2022 00:07

I can see why this would get to you but I'm sure your MIL didn't even think it would be an issue, she just wanted to see the joy in your little ones face.
The way I see it now is (my son is 5 and his Grandma is 76), who knows how many firsts or milestones they will actually get to see? Grandma might not be around when my son goes to high school or graduates or has his 1st driving lesson, gets his 1st girlfriend or buys his first house. I'd say let Grandparents have these little pleasures 💜

Anele22 · 10/04/2022 00:08

Well I think it’s a shame they gave her ice cream. My parents always talked about my sister’s first taste of ice cream and her reaction. It was a special moment

Serialbreeder · 10/04/2022 00:20

I’d be so pissed off at that, that’s very different to an ice cream 😂

LibbyR79 · 10/04/2022 00:20

I totally understand. I really cherished the first moments with my children. I feel mil has just forgotten how important these things are. I'd try to remember that your baby won't remember. To them the 2nd time tasting ice cream will be very special too, plus a 1st for you. Also there will be many more first times. Maybe try to speak to your mil again, at the same time telling her how much your appreciate her. Try not to let it get you down. Every moment with your baby is precious and new xx