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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
Appolonia · 07/04/2022 23:18

OP, I get this.
My 2-year old twins have never tasted chocolate. I would like to be there the first time they taste it, to see their reaction.
So I guess ice-cream is similar (they tasted this last summer and hated it! Think it was too cold).

They had their first crisp a few weeks ago, and loved them - kept asking for "more kips"

runforyourdog · 07/04/2022 23:27

OP you are being a bit silly. Also about juice etc. Not like they are going to put a G&T in her bottle, is it?

Just relax, not worth it. All kids end up having a sweet tooth it's how they are programmed!! Make sure they eat their veg and run around plenty, have the love of their (extended) family. That's what's important.

SmellyOldOwls · 07/04/2022 23:28

@doeadeeer

Honestly it's just not an issue. You'll have loads of fun ice cream moment that your baby will actually remember. This isn't something to linger on.
Yes and as time goes on, wishing they would stop whinging for ice cream and then letting it drip all over the clothes/the house/ the car etc Grin
Nellle · 07/04/2022 23:36

God, I'd let grandparents take all the "firsts" if they provided weekly childcare.

RussianSpy101 · 07/04/2022 23:40

@Nellle this!

OP you’re happy enough for them to provide free childcare whilst you’re still on mat leave for a “break” so I think you have to accept they’re going to experience firsts. What about when you return to work? Chances are you are going to miss many things for the first time. Ice cream is not something to get worked up about. Nor is juice. If you don’t want them feeding your daughter new things as a baby then look after her yourself.

nuggetmum · 07/04/2022 23:43

Wow, what a negative response!
OP, I have had the same conversations with my MIL lately (baby is 8 months). Since DD was a few weeks old, MIL was desperate to feed her. We did end up weaning early at five months but not soon enough in her eyes. She would leave 'yummy foods' which would be all junk aside for her to try (which I would always say no and get eye rolls back). I dreaded leaving her with her, would check nappies if I did for any signs. It sounds ridiculous now but the main feeling for me was...will I miss out on something?
I understand and yes, even ice cream can be a milestone!
Let her know how you feel and if you need to - pack a lunchbox with clear labels. She'll soon get the hint

RussianSpy101 · 07/04/2022 23:44

@nuggetmum you were ok leaving your 8 month old with her but she isn’t allowed to make decisions around food?
Funny that.

surreygirl1987 · 08/04/2022 00:09

No, I think you're being really silly. If that was my biggest concern in life I'd be delighted! Just be grateful she cares about your child!

Silvers11 · 08/04/2022 01:45

Well, you can't help how you feel about this, so I can't say YABU - although you would be, in my opinion, if you were to tackle your MIL about what happened, which you have said you aren't going to.

I can understand how disappointed you were - maybe even jealous (?) that your MIL got to see the expression on your child's face when you didn't and then proceeded to be tactless and describe it all to you.

But I think, since they watch their grandchild and help you out a lot, you are going to have to try and relax and accept the fact that it is inevitable that your daughter may have many more 'firsts' while she is with her grandparents and you are out at work or whatever. You will be the one to suffer more hurt, if you can't do that. It's just the way things are I'm sorry

Kanaloa · 08/04/2022 02:25

@nuggetmum

Wow, what a negative response! OP, I have had the same conversations with my MIL lately (baby is 8 months). Since DD was a few weeks old, MIL was desperate to feed her. We did end up weaning early at five months but not soon enough in her eyes. She would leave 'yummy foods' which would be all junk aside for her to try (which I would always say no and get eye rolls back). I dreaded leaving her with her, would check nappies if I did for any signs. It sounds ridiculous now but the main feeling for me was...will I miss out on something? I understand and yes, even ice cream can be a milestone! Let her know how you feel and if you need to - pack a lunchbox with clear labels. She'll soon get the hint
Surely if you’re that worried and don’t trust the person then you have to make sacrifices and pay for professional childcare?
Billandben444 · 08/04/2022 07:04

Like broccoli
😂😂😂

mycatisannoying · 08/04/2022 07:16

You're being incredibly precious.

Barreness2022 · 08/04/2022 08:28

This reaction is common. If it is not about ice cream, it is about something else. I know lots of people who won't look after their grandchildren as they have their own lives to live and quite frankly the permanent babysitter of the past has changed. The snarky response would be to say, watch your own kid you are home anyway. The kinder response is to pick your battles in your own head. Some firsts, especially these small ones are special for grandparents who are not going to be around forever and who are choosing to give up their time because of their love for your child. I have noticed that the ik factor tends to happen when it is not the biological grandparent and a totally different reaction if their mother or father did it. Also, some mothers lists are so long of don't do this and don't do that I would without hesitation, watch your own kid and feel free to drop in for a visit. The sheer volume of drama some mothers bring to the table is endless. If there is an allergy fair enough, if there is a religious reason fair enough.

Staryflight445 · 08/04/2022 10:37

‘ Some firsts, especially these small ones are special for grandparents who are not going to be around forever’

I don’t understand this. Parents won’t be around forever either, and sadly in many cases grandparents outlive parents. Grandparents have already had the opportunity to experience firsts with their own children, it’s time for their children to enjoy that now.

‘ The sheer volume of drama some mothers bring to the table is endless’ - funnily enough, there’s never drama when a grandparent is respectful. You sound awful.

Viostep · 08/04/2022 11:13

I don't understand the hate you're getting OP.

I wouldn't be happy if someone gave my 9 month old ice cream. I certainly wouldn't feed someone else's baby anything sugary without checking first.

You are not being unreasonable and it's completely understandable that you're upset.

I can't wait for my 10 month old to try ice cream and cake for fhe first time. I also want to be the one to take her to the swings and swimming for the first time also. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Clearly I'm in the minority though and those things just aren't important to other parents.

HoneyFlowers · 08/04/2022 11:34

Have seen this story in the national papers now 😔

LBFseBrom · 09/04/2022 00:03

If that's the case, Honeyflowers, grandma will probably see it too and wonder wtf she did that was so controversial!

The baby wouldn't have eaten loads of ice cream, just a little bit, so hardly a sugar overdose. There's sugar in loads of things anyway: bread, pasta, fruit and veg. Tasting ice cream for the first time is also not a significant rite of passage, I doubt the baby gave it another thought :).

Blossomtoes · 09/04/2022 00:09

Clearly I'm in the minority though and those things just aren't important to other parents

They feel important now. In ten years time you won’t even remember. I wasn’t there for my son’s first steps and it felt like the end of the world. I look back now and it feels ridiculous.

SweetsAndChocolates · 09/04/2022 00:11

Unrelated to the actual thread, but saw this in one of the papers today (tabloid-friend commented so popped up on my Facebook 🫤)

WomanStanleyWoman · 09/04/2022 09:10

@HoneyFlowers

Have seen this story in the national papers now 😔
At least now the OP can have it removed because people don’t agree with her and she’s thrown a strop ‘it’s potentially identifying’.
Abraxan · 09/04/2022 09:21

I have. I idea who gave dd ice cream for the first time, where it was, when it was, etc. It was possibly nursery I suspect as we don't really eat much ice cream at home. It was such an insignificant aspect of DD's life.

My dd went to her grandparents once a week as a baby/toddler (their choice) and I assume they gave her some food/drinks and experiences for the first time. She also went to nursery twice a week so I assume they did the same.

It's part and parcel have child cared for by someone else occasionally - sometimes you get the first experience, sometimes they do. It's not like they've suddenly decided to have your child's hair cut for the first time, or something similar.

And what is all the being cross and upset about them trying BLW before you did, even though the baby was already weaning.

Isn't BLW just letting the baby hold some food no their hands to chew on? It isn't some special event is it? I'm sure from day 1 of weaning dd was sometimes given a piece of bread or vegetable to gnaw on at the same time, even though the BLW term wasn't really used back then.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 09/04/2022 10:03

I'm not sure what it is that you think you've missed. What do you think is going to happen when you give the baby ice cream?

Do you think she's going to burble, "Mum, really? I mean, ice cream is, like, so last week, yeah? Got the t-shirt, innit? Do you have any - I dunno - popping candy? Maybe a nice Sauvignon?"

Boof1 · 09/04/2022 11:03

Nah I’m with you on this one although, I probably wouldn’t say anything but I would be pretty upset honestly BUT I would get over it eventually. I’m one of those moms (and my husband is one of those dads) that want to experience the firsts with our child, especially our first child. Everyone saying that things like this happen, we get it. We know they can learn to sit or crawl or walk elsewhere we can’t stop them. But giving ice cream was a choice. Now what I would be more upset up truly is that I wasn’t asked. What if you had tried giving her ice cream and she had issues or allergies and she can’t have milk? (I’m in the US so milk isn’t recommended prior to 1 year here). That’s what I’m more upset and concerned about. I introduce my child’s food because I’m the one looking out for his health and having to deal with the aftermath should there be any, God forbid.

Now if it was just this instance I’d say let it go but the fact that she’s tried to do things her way before is unacceptable. She’s helping to care, not raise, therefore your parenting style and rules should be respected. I’m tired of people saying things like this should be let go and that she’s just excited. But so am I. I get that she is but this isn’t a “do over” baby.

Boof1 · 09/04/2022 11:06

I agree and feel the same way.

liveforsummer · 09/04/2022 11:07

No milk before 1? It's literally a baby's main source of nutrition. What about cheese? I'm pretty sure a grandparent that looks after baby on a weekly basis would be aware of a dairy allergy.

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