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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 09/04/2022 11:15

Isn't BLW just letting the baby hold some food no their hands to chew on? It isn't some special event is it? I'm sure from day 1 of weaning dd was sometimes given a piece of bread or vegetable to gnaw on at the same time, even though the BLW term wasn't really used back then.

Also this. I remember when Dd1 stayed with dp's for the first time after weaning. I came to collect her the next morning and she was happily gnawing on a bit of toast. I thought oh what a good idea I hadn't thought of giving her that. (Again this was before giving baby's finger food had a name). I think I if you want to have absolute control over her diet you need to stop the babysitting. It's tiresome to stick to rigid rules and have to check every last thing (and worry you might forget etc)

Chikapu · 09/04/2022 11:25

Did you really say weaning journey 😳 omfg!

Kittykat93 · 09/04/2022 11:37

You're being ridiculous. First ice cream being a milestone ffs 🤦

liveforsummer · 09/04/2022 11:46

@Chikapu

Did you really say weaning journey 😳 omfg!
Social media has a lot to answer for 😆

If anyones seen Place Beyond the Pines there’s a really cute bit where the parents give the baby his first taste of ice cream. Thanks for responses anyway

Fwiw your baby will react the same the second time. Apparently they need to try things around 17 times for it to become an established taste. That's why you don't give up on the first try when they appear not to like something.

longwayoff · 09/04/2022 12:00

I think my baby may have seen the midwife before he saw me. AIBU to feel deeply traumatised and to sue the hospital?

brainhurts · 09/04/2022 13:13

@longwayoff

I think my baby may have seen the midwife before he saw me. AIBU to feel deeply traumatised and to sue the hospital?
My baby was given to me , fully clothed ( dressed by a lovely midwife) had an emergency c section and by the time I had recovered the midwife had spent more time with DD than me .
triptrop · 09/04/2022 13:23

My favourite bit was 'weaning journey' 😂

luciferWasAnAngelToo · 09/04/2022 17:46

YANBU for feeling you’ve missed out.
You WBU to have said something to MIL

Hand over a slice of lemon for a reaction shot 😉

clynneand · 09/04/2022 17:49

I think people are being a bit mean here. My mum gave my daughter her first ice cream when I wasn’t around, and described it to me as though I had missed some magical event, and I was a bit pissed too.

I think you wrote your comment nicely and are not making a mountain out of a mole hill. It’s ok to be a bit miffed sometimes, it sounds like you appreciate your MIL and want to be present for the nice moments!

justlliloleme · 09/04/2022 17:51

So sorry but get over yourself its an ice cream. It's really not that important in the big scheme of things

Sudoku88 · 09/04/2022 17:57

Omg, you need to get a grip of yourself!!!

Thisisnotreallymyname · 09/04/2022 18:00

Shock ! Horror ! Yet another awful Mother In Law commits a heinous crime.
Obviously child will be irreparably damaged for all future events. Probably not get into Oxbridge now.
Grow up for God’s sake !

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 09/04/2022 18:00

YABU. If you want every first, you need to be with them 24/7.

YouTubeRabbitHole · 09/04/2022 18:01

@maloney123 I’ve read a few of the negative comments and I’m sorry you’re getting so much grief. You asked a question, didn’t request a character assassination. Don’t worry about the ice cream there will be plenty more. Ignore the haters Flowers

a1poshpaws · 09/04/2022 18:03

What does PFB mean, please?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 09/04/2022 18:05

[quote YouTubeRabbitHole]@maloney123 I’ve read a few of the negative comments and I’m sorry you’re getting so much grief. You asked a question, didn’t request a character assassination. Don’t worry about the ice cream there will be plenty more. Ignore the haters Flowers[/quote]
Ignore the haters

Or, as they might also be called, 'the disagree-ers'.

Or even 'the-disagree-ers-who-let's-not-forget-were-asked-to-contribute-an-opinion'.

Not as pithy as 'haters' certainly, but a tad more accurate.

MyDogWillo · 09/04/2022 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Kanaloa · 09/04/2022 18:07

@clynneand

I think people are being a bit mean here. My mum gave my daughter her first ice cream when I wasn’t around, and described it to me as though I had missed some magical event, and I was a bit pissed too.

I think you wrote your comment nicely and are not making a mountain out of a mole hill. It’s ok to be a bit miffed sometimes, it sounds like you appreciate your MIL and want to be present for the nice moments!

But you have to balance things. You can either definitely ‘be present for the nice moments’ or you can have a whole day every week to yourself, no work or childcare, for free. Expecting both is unreasonable.

So of course op could say ‘ok I would be heartbroken if my daughter had her first taste of ice cream anywhere but in our home, so probably best I don’t use free childcare one day a week.’

She could keep her child with her 24/7, or pay for a nanny who she could micromanage one day a week - perhaps having the nanny list out everything the child is going to eat and do in the day for her approval. But you can’t tell someone ‘yeah you can take my child for a full day each week. No payment, and make sure you don’t do any of the nice stuff with her. That stuff’s all for me. You’re welcome.’

HowFascinating · 09/04/2022 18:07

I missed my PFB having his first Smarties.
Unfortunately, he was only 3 months old and was fed them by his 3 year old cousin.

Jeannie88 · 09/04/2022 18:13

YABU, sorry! It's a given grandparents spoil their grandkids and u are lucky to have such doted ones and time to yourself. U do need to let this go and lighten up as that's what they do! Please don't make them feel guilty or they will likely feel tense and over cautious, which isn't fair. X

LaMarschallin · 09/04/2022 18:15

Presumably it's only the "cute" milestones that are important?
Not "Baby's First Nuclear Nappy" for example.

WorkCleanRepeat · 09/04/2022 18:22

First child? I'm sure you wouldn't give a hoot otherwise. Give her her first lemon instead.

mdh2020 · 09/04/2022 18:24

I feel sorry for your MiL. I have never recovered from my son’s diatribe when I mentioned I had given 9 month old GD a taste of yogurt and she pulled a funny face. GD is now 17. I just used to hand my babies over to my mother with gratitude. I have no idea what she fed them and didn’t care.

Bard6817 · 09/04/2022 18:26

I guess if it’s important to you, so be it. As far as i can see, the rest of us think you’re being a bit precious. I’m sure bubba will enjoy ice cream the second time…. Unless it’s really the ‘first’ aspect about it, rather than the enjoyment aspect.

MyCatIsAJerk · 09/04/2022 18:27

I feel like you’re being irrational, but my mum sobbed over missing picking me up from the airport when I was 18.

It’s hard for me to criticise you, @maloney123, for caring too much — but please be careful not to alienate your in-laws.