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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired · 07/04/2022 14:18

@Hollywolly1 what is it about my post that is upsetting for you?

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 14:19

I'm getting irritated at comments mocking the phrase weaning journey. If it's not for you then just deal with it. For many mums it is a journey, full of ups and downs, starting and stopping, allergic reactions, back and forths to the GP. If someone wants to describe any long process in their life as a journey they can. Don't be so rude.

Cutie18327 · 07/04/2022 14:24

@Kanaloa there's a lot of issues at play here that I don't really need to or want to justify. I work, earn a good wage and support my MIL financially with my husband and house her. This was always an agreement between us, I am just making it work for me. She has no problem with it.

GeminiTwin · 07/04/2022 14:25

WTAF

Ice cream as a mile stone 😂😂😂😂

Heard it all now

GeminiTwin · 07/04/2022 14:26

If someone else gave your PFB ice cream I doubt you would've posted

Typical it's about a MIL

This can't be real 😂

YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired · 07/04/2022 14:27

Remember when everyone was on about #bekind.
This poor woman has come here to express that she is upset about something. Just to share it and get it off her chest. Not asking if she should cut contact, or confront MIL. Just talking about a thing that made her sad. She is entitled to her feelings on the matter regardless of how others would feel in the same situation. She isn't hurting anyone. Some of the responses on here on the other hand are quite mean.

axolotlfloof · 07/04/2022 14:29

Sorry but "having your first treat food/ice cream" isn't a thing.
I would ask your inlaws not to give her processed sugar if you want to avoid it.
Give her some ice cream if you want to see her face.

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 14:31

@Cutie18327 don't justify yourself. I also dropped my daughter off with a pack up and snacks for the day. My nan was thankful for it because she struggles with thinking of what to feed her and even now that she's 4 year old still calls me up occasionally for suggestions of what to make her. Nothing weird about sending food or a list of items.

Ineedaduvetday · 07/04/2022 16:47

I wanted to watch my cat the first time she walked on snow. Waited ages then she did it the second my back was turned.

ArcheryAnnie · 07/04/2022 16:56

"First ice cream" isn't a thing. You asked, so I'll answer: yes you are being unreasonable. And ridiculous.

Moonface123 · 07/04/2022 17:08

You are so bloody ungrateful, l have raised two sons single handedly, no help from MIL or my own Mum, you dont know your born.

immigrant002 · 07/04/2022 17:20

Are you serious ?? Wtf Hmm

Pixiedust1234 · 07/04/2022 17:24

@Ineedaduvetday

I wanted to watch my cat the first time she walked on snow. Waited ages then she did it the second my back was turned.
Cat being a meanie asshole versus MIL being a meanie asshole. Think its a tie.

Now I feel like a meanie asshole. Maybe my future inlaw will post about me on here Grin

monicagellerbing · 07/04/2022 17:31

Christ alive 🤣🤣🤣 get a bloody grip OP

Happierthanever91 · 07/04/2022 17:44

@YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired

Remember when everyone was on about #bekind. This poor woman has come here to express that she is upset about something. Just to share it and get it off her chest. Not asking if she should cut contact, or confront MIL. Just talking about a thing that made her sad. She is entitled to her feelings on the matter regardless of how others would feel in the same situation. She isn't hurting anyone. Some of the responses on here on the other hand are quite mean.
Completely agree. I doubt many would speak to anyone like this in real life.
jenandberries · 07/04/2022 17:45

They are having her every week so you may well miss her first steps and other milestones that’s just part of taking their offer of free childcare and time to yourself

VyeBrator · 07/04/2022 18:00

Remember when everyone was on about #bekind.

Yes, thank goodness most people have stopped that sexist shit.

elliesmummy19 · 07/04/2022 18:06

YABU. It's ice cream. It's not a milestone.

Kanaloa · 07/04/2022 18:11

@VyeBrator

Remember when everyone was on about #bekind.

Yes, thank goodness most people have stopped that sexist shit.

Be kind seems to have taken on the same inflection as ‘shut up.’

The fact is if you want to do everything with your baby and not have anyone else do it, it’s probably not the best idea to use someone for free childcare. You have to either be with your baby all the time, or accept that the child will spend time with other people and will experience other things with them. Or a third option, pay for a nanny and micromanage her extensively, including ensuring that the baby never does anything with the nanny she hasn’t first done with you. Presumably gagging the child so it doesn’t speak without mum being there.

Vanderpump · 07/04/2022 18:18

There will be lots of first that you are there for and some that you will miss

I always went with " what happens at grans stays at grans"

luxxlisbon · 07/04/2022 18:24

YABU since when is ‘first ice cream’ a milestone.

If baby is with then a full day a week then there will be plenty of actual milestones potentially missed, that’s just part of the deal with childcare.
First steps, first point, first time saying X,Y, Z etc
There are also lots of treat foods your child will have for the first time, it’s insane to think you can make sure you are there for every single one.

kierenthecommunity · 07/04/2022 18:38

Oh bless you.

I will be honest, I agree that ‘first ice cream’ isn’t a thing I’m aware of. However I do think sone of these replies are a bit mean. I’m sure I had similar PFOAOA* moments that I’ve chosen to bury away

There are so many good firsts that I genuinely wouldn’t get upset about missing one. My son is 9 and had his first jalapeño moment today. That was amusing Grin

*precious first one and only adopted. And as he’s adopted we missed loads of firsts. Literally matters nothing now Smile

The issue here is you are putting your baby into their care once a week for a full day😱not a great idea because if it was your own mum its different as you can tell her your concerns and she will listen or most of them do

You’ve never met my mother. She bought my son his first bike before he could even walk. And that was just her grandstanding. That made me as mad as hell at the time, but again, got over it now

Member869894 · 07/04/2022 18:43

You're being ridiculous

Bedsheets4knickers · 07/04/2022 18:48

Beyond silly .

Blossomtoes · 07/04/2022 18:56

Anyone else miss their pfb’s first steps or is it just me?

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