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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 09:08

You know, even if your opinion is that OP is BU, she is still allowed to feel sad about something she missed with her child. Her feelings are real, you can't tell her not to feel. it's not like she's told the MIL off about it. She just feels bummed. Totally reasonable for a mother to feel bummed about missing something with her kid. So many gaslighting, get a grip! A cold, thoughtless remark. I hope you are gentler on your children when they come to you admitting how they feel about something.

Theunamedcat · 07/04/2022 09:09

My mom cut my daughters first curl for her to keep she was shocked I noticed of course I noticed she only had 3 curls came home with two 😂 I was pissed off at her she tried getting her sisters to support her but they sided with me she didn't do it again

FeloniusGru · 07/04/2022 09:09

You will look back at this post in a couple of years and laugh. I don’t remember my baby’s first ice cream, it was a non-event. When you trust someone else to care for your child, you take the risk that they will do or see things that baby does for the first time. My son’s first steps were taken at nursery, it’s not a big deal.

dfendyr · 07/04/2022 09:12

@ABitDrunk

A lot of mumsneters quickly forget their pfb moments & become sneary twats.

I think this has happened to me. What ever should I do?

Have you forgotten your PFB moments? Have you become a sneary twat??

You may be entitled to some compensation ...

BellePeppa · 07/04/2022 09:12

You could maybe give her a different flavoured ice cream and see if she has a new reaction to that? If they gave your daughter vanilla then maybe a mango flavour and you’d probably get a unique reaction for that?

lljkk · 07/04/2022 09:13

Shouldn't post on aibu if you only want ppl to agree with you. Is that too radical a suggestion? OP said she was open to ppl saying YABU.

DC1 took first independent steps at nursery, I barely care about this.
I have no idea when he or other DC had 1st chocolate or ice cream.

Fairislefandango · 07/04/2022 09:13

So many gaslighting,get a grip!

How is that gaslighting?

Yes, the OP has been given a hard time (and probably got the message after a page of posts, so the next 12 were kind of overkill), but validating this kind of feeling isn't necessarily a good thing. The angst-ridden FOMO created by the obsession with seeing the most minor things as precious milestones is not a force for good imo.

Iamkmackered1979 · 07/04/2022 09:14

Why is her first ice cream important
I’m thinking back to my 4 boys and I know when they smiled, walked etc but no idea when they had their first ice cream or who gave it to them. Just ask your mil just to feed her the same stuff just in case she should actually let her try new things to eat and you miss it…if you want to be there for it all then do so buT your parents in law sounds lovely people who are helping you out. Hope your child enjoyed her treat

WhereHasSpringSprungTo · 07/04/2022 09:14

I thought u were going to say baby was 6 weeks old or something
Yabvu

ancientgran · 07/04/2022 09:14

I've got six GC, I've always followed what I thought was a rule, if baby does a first (standing up, sitting up, rolling over, saying mama) you don't mention it. I guess icecream could come under the same rule.

The only way to be sure of getting all the "firsts" is to be with them 24/7 for a few years. I'll be honest and say if I'm out on the local beach with some of my GC and I bought icecream for me and the older ones I'd probably let the youngest have a lick without really thinking about if it's a first.

BellePeppa · 07/04/2022 09:16

@EliyanahM

You know, even if your opinion is that OP is BU, she is still allowed to feel sad about something she missed with her child. Her feelings are real, you can't tell her not to feel. it's not like she's told the MIL off about it. She just feels bummed. Totally reasonable for a mother to feel bummed about missing something with her kid. So many gaslighting, get a grip! A cold, thoughtless remark. I hope you are gentler on your children when they come to you admitting how they feel about something.
I understand what you’re saying but that is the risk you take when you go on any kind of social media platform. Years ago you would gripe to your best friend who would be sympathetic and supportive but if you want a range of reactions from strangers then there’s social media 🤷‍♀️
ancientgran · 07/04/2022 09:16

@Theunamedcat

My mom cut my daughters first curl for her to keep she was shocked I noticed of course I noticed she only had 3 curls came home with two 😂 I was pissed off at her she tried getting her sisters to support her but they sided with me she didn't do it again
That is out of order. I was often tempted by the thought of cutting off 2 year old GDs long wavy hair as it was a torture to her but I did resist. With 3 curls you haven't even got that excuse.
whenwillthemadnessend · 07/04/2022 09:17

Never heard of first ice cream.

What is baby takes first steps and grandmas
First sentence
First wee in potty

It's all entirely possible you won't be there.

First ice cream is nothing compared so you need to get your head around this a bit in the nicest possible way.

MrKlaw · 07/04/2022 09:17

if you don't want them giving your child juice you should say so. Otherwise you can't be annoyed if they do. People have different approaches to feeding and timing of introducing things and they may not check everything with you if it seems natural.

Also how will you react if they happen to be at your ILs when they say their first word?

whenwillthemadnessend · 07/04/2022 09:19

Also once they are teenagers all the health crap goes out of the window so if I ever had another baby I couldn't get worked up about it.

Kaleidoscope2 · 07/04/2022 09:20

Yabu, I was the same as you though with my daughter and massively gate kept a lot of her firsts. Even bizarre ones that are definitely not a thing, I've chilled out a lot over time and don't feel so threatened by others experiencing those moments with her but that's only because she's now at nursery and I'm back at work so I've had to learn to chill. My mum has her regularly and I want them to have their own moments and things together. But I get it, but looking back I was defo being unreasonable about these sorts of things.

MaudieandMe · 07/04/2022 09:21

OP, you are clearly bonkers and I hope your MIL has lots of patience as she obviously needs it. 🤣

SVRT19674 · 07/04/2022 09:21

It´s just food. Maybe I am missing something. And I have a 3.5 year old. The only thing I wanted to do myself was her first haircut. The rest isnt exactly a milestone. The ice cream milestone...YABVU

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 07/04/2022 09:22

I'd be more concerned she didn't check with you first about giving her rubbish sugary food.
Not about it being her first though, like come on you're not going to experience every first. For one day of free childcare a week you have to accept she will do some things you don't like.

WomanStanleyWoman · 07/04/2022 09:24

OP said she was open to ppl saying YABU.

So many people say that - and then throw a strop about how mean everyone is when it happens.

brainhurts · 07/04/2022 09:25

What if other firsts happen when they are looking after her . Give her another ice cream her reaction will be the same .
If you want all the firsts look after her all the time

Phobiaphobic · 07/04/2022 09:25

@MissMaple82

Whoever thought ice cream would be a special milestone Hmm
This.
Cakeandcardio · 07/04/2022 09:26

I can understand why you would be annoyed as she's your first and special. What I would say is this: they are still doing you a favour by watching her so probably easier not to rock the boat. My PFB has had ice cream 3 times now. Honestly, his reaction has been the same all 3 times. Give her ice cream again in a month or two and it will be special for you. Maybe say to MIL not to make it a regular occurrence.

Dumbledoressister · 07/04/2022 09:26

This is crackers. You're lucky you've got such involved grandparents and so much help. Get over yourself.

twilightermummy · 07/04/2022 09:26

My ex mil gave my baby daughter her first haircut without asking me, whilst looking after her for a couple of hours. 7 years on and it still gives me the shivers thinking about it.