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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
AnastasiaRomanov · 07/04/2022 08:45

As long as it’s not that chemical Mr Whippy stuff which is not ice cream at all. I watched someone feeding it to a young baby the other day and shuddered.

Couchbettato · 07/04/2022 08:45

How was MIL to know that she shouldn't have given her icecream if a) it's not even a milestone that people are bothered about and b) you didn't tell her?

Be annoyed all you want but it's irrational.

TheHumanSatsuma · 07/04/2022 08:45

I missed my son’s first steps. He was in nursery because I was working.

It was a bit sad but if you need childcare for whatever reason there are going to be things you miss. It’s a trade-off. He’s taken lots of steps since being a strapping 30 year old now.

pleasejustgjvemeabreak · 07/04/2022 08:46

If that's your only worry in life you're lucky!

There's people in this country who can't afford food. There's a war going on in Ukraine with children being killed.

It's an ice cream!!!

You need to put this into perspective, get a grip and grow up!

Regularsizedrudy · 07/04/2022 08:46

First ice cream is not a thing. Get a grip.

Opaljewel · 07/04/2022 08:48

Get a grip

BellePeppa · 07/04/2022 08:48

@Corcory

I've never ever heard that a baby's 'first ice cream' is a special moment. Give yourself a wobble for goodness sake! As they look after her so often there may be many firsts she does when with them, better get used to it or look after her 24/7 and watch her for each 'mile stone'!
I love that phrase “give yourself a wobble”😁 to be honest apart from walking and talking for the first time I can barely remember any other firsts.
rarge · 07/04/2022 08:48

@Patchbatch

Classic Mumsnet responses that everyone has to act as though you're being absolutely insane because something has upset you.

Or to be more accurate, not everyone blindly agrees with the OP and provide a different perspective. Someone posting about a grandaparent who looks after their child once a week whilst they are on maternity leave who has given them a touch of ice cream is not going to be full of people affirming how unfair and how cruel that is.

There's disagreeing then there's pretending you have noooo idea why she'd be upset. I'm sure we can imagine why, even if she is still BU, so no need for posters to dig their heels in.

Also, grandparents looking after grandkids isn't some massive deal. It's one a week. In my cultural upbringing it's the norm for grandparents to want to see their own grandkids but there you go.

escapingthecity · 07/04/2022 08:49

Put the milestone thing aside and it sounds like you do need to be quite clear with MIL about the food she's giving your DC, or ask her to check with you what she's planning to feed them first. I don't think that's unreasonable if you want to limit their sugar/processed food intake (we are v much the same).

Franklin12 · 07/04/2022 08:50

Honestly get a grip. I suspect you work and the GD's are helping (and saving you stacks of childcare costs).

I worked and just accepted that sometimes things happen to others that you actually wanted to see yourself. Give up work, be there 24 hours just in case you might miss something or book a nursery. It wont stop them seeing something you feel you should have seen first but there you go...

rarge · 07/04/2022 08:51

People are so miserable here. Did op even confront her MIL? She just vented anonymously. Some of you are clearly the overbearing MILs- maybe you should get a grip prevailed rather than piling on. We get it she's unreasonable. I think op probably gets it now.

Bournetilly · 07/04/2022 08:51

YABVU

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/04/2022 08:51

@MissMaple82

Whoever thought ice cream would be a special milestone Hmm
Quite.
Hersetta427 · 07/04/2022 08:53

Their first ice cream is a bit special?

Give your head a wobble.

Newyearnewme2022 · 07/04/2022 08:53

My mother gave my daughter her first taste of ice cream when she was year old, I felt the same as you, I wanted to see her first reaction to something so sweet and delicious. 25 years later I’m not bothered. I mean this in the nicest way but don’t sweat the small stuff.

CatkinToadflax · 07/04/2022 08:54

I mean this kindly OP, but I’m certain you’ll look back and realise what a small non-event this is. I had a very difficult relationship with my MIL for years, and when my boys were about 4 and 1 she did baking with them and fed them four cupcakes each in one sitting. I was absolutely livid. They are now 16 and 13 and are still alive and well! MIL and I get on superbly well. I really value the lovely relationship I have with her now and I know she’d be devastated to think how upset and angry I was at the time.

BertieBotts · 07/04/2022 08:55

Let them know about the juice, and squash if you don't want them to give that. When we were young it was normal to give young children sweet drinks so they may not realise that advice and your preference has changed.

trainnane · 07/04/2022 08:55

If you use childcare you'll miss firsts like foods that they haven't had before. It's a bit of ice cream. Non event. If you are stressing / upset over this you do need to let go a bit.

BeeDavis · 07/04/2022 08:57

You are being absolutely ridiculous!!!!!

beattieedny · 07/04/2022 08:57

If you don't want to miss firsts, you're in a for many disappointments, lol. Even when I was a stay at home mum I missed loads because eg son decided to smile at daddy, not me, or at big bro. It's not a thing, really. If this is all you need to worry about, then, like me, you are very very blessed!

2anddone · 07/04/2022 08:58

@maloney123 I understand where you are coming from. My dc are now 13 and 16 but when my mum used to look after them when they were younger (rarely and not once a week) she would always make a huge thing about what they had done or how much they had enjoyed something which used to make me feel really guilty that I had missed out on either the experience or their reaction. As they got older dad also went through a phase of saying everything that happens at nanny and grandads is a secret and you don't need to know what we do, and got most offended when I pointed out that secrets are not good as could be a safeguarding issue if strangers tell them to keep secrets and they think it's ok because they are used to it from them....nanny and grandads secrets were usually extra sweets or extra half hour before bed!
I would have also been annoyed if my parents had given the ice cream first not because I had missed it but because they would have gone on about it so much I would have felt so guilty for 'missing' it as though I had missed graduation or something much more important.

Synchrony · 07/04/2022 08:59

I hyped up the moment my child would first eat chocolate and was disappointed when they were given it by someone else. I was being silly because it was a total non-event - the child ate it, reacted as they do to most other foods, and moved on.

I'm sure your MIL would avoid some foods if you specify to her what they are.

yellowsuninthesky · 07/04/2022 08:59

@MissMaple82

Whoever thought ice cream would be a special milestone Hmm
Indeed.

Anyway, unless you spend 24 hours a day with your child, they will always experience certain things without you.

Most of us have to work for a living, so we use childcare and accept that we will not see every "milestone" (real or imagined).

Livebythecoast · 07/04/2022 09:02

@Franklin12

Honestly get a grip. I suspect you work and the GD's are helping (and saving you stacks of childcare costs).

I worked and just accepted that sometimes things happen to others that you actually wanted to see yourself. Give up work, be there 24 hours just in case you might miss something or book a nursery. It wont stop them seeing something you feel you should have seen first but there you go...

The OP is still on maternity leave - MIL looks after baby one day a week so OP can catch up on laundry etc Grin
Mariposista · 07/04/2022 09:07

@pleasejustgjvemeabreak

If that's your only worry in life you're lucky!

There's people in this country who can't afford food. There's a war going on in Ukraine with children being killed.

It's an ice cream!!!

You need to put this into perspective, get a grip and grow up!

Couldn’t have put it better myself. This post is precious and immature.