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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
Chasingaftermidnight · 07/04/2022 09:26

Some of these posts are a bit unpleasant. I do think OP is BU but equally I think every parent is guilty of an utterly irrational PFB moment or two. I remember crying when nursery told me my son had walked up to some shoes and said ‘shoes’ for the first time. It wasn’t his first word. He was in nursery so I obviously wasn’t going to be there for every single new word he said. I still don’t know wtf my problem was.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 07/04/2022 09:26

Give PFB a chocolate liqueur at Christmas and quickly take a photo of the face. Priceless

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/04/2022 09:28

I'm going to have words with my mum. At no point did I undergo a Weaning Journey and I now feel massively disadvantaged Grin

LuluBlakey1 · 07/04/2022 09:30

YABU. It is trivial and means nothing. Get a grip.

Calandor · 07/04/2022 09:30

Honey... as nicely I can say this you need to get over it. It's ice cream. Not their wedding. It's not a big deal.

Staryflight445 · 07/04/2022 09:31

Of course yanbu. Just because other people wouldn’t be bothered by this it doesn’t mean you can’t be either.

My mil was very aware my son was very close to smiling, I’d asked her to stop so I could get first dibs (I was miserable and exhausted, I did every night feed and everything by myself) and she pushed and pushed and got the first smile.

Probably wouldn’t bother most but it did me and just because it wouldn’t bother many it doesn’t invalidate how it made me feel.
(He wasn’t my first born either fwiw).

I have a friend whose MIL took her child to Clark’s to get her first pair of shoes, without asking. First friend knew was when she picked her child up and got the photo Clark’s give you and saw her child with shoes on.

If you feel she’s overstepped, tell her. If you’re not comfortable to be honest, then she shouldn’t be looking after your child unattended.

saraclara · 07/04/2022 09:31

I'm a grandma who does the occasional day of childcare. I'm very careful to check things with my DD, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to not offer my DGD a bit of ice cream in case it's a first.

And yes, while I wouldn't mention first steps or first word, it doesn't occur to me not to excitedly share something new to me that DGD has done.

If you're going to leave baby or toddler with someone who loves them dearly, I think you need to expect that they'll want to share their pleasure with you.

DogsAndGin · 07/04/2022 09:32

Yabu

MegaClutterSlut · 07/04/2022 09:32

ice cream Confused I really couldn't get wound up about this

HomeHomeInTheRange · 07/04/2022 09:32

@BellePeppa

You could maybe give her a different flavoured ice cream and see if she has a new reaction to that? If they gave your daughter vanilla then maybe a mango flavour and you’d probably get a unique reaction for that?
Our children are not performing sea lions.
Jobhelpplease · 07/04/2022 09:34

I think it might feel like a big deal just now but a few years down the line not so so much...

That’s not to say your feelings aren’t relevant just that perceptions change with time.

The first couple of years every first seems special and I remember being so upset when my MIL had my DD do her 1st drawing when she was with them and I also remember a rather heated Christmas when they bought her first bike without consulting. I was absolutely beside myself, Christmas was ruined I didn’t want to see them.

Fifteen years on with another 2 DD’s after I think why?! Was it really that big a deal, probably not!

There are so many 1sts over the years, more than plenty to go round and they keep coming, long after grandparents, let them cherish them while they can.

VerveClique · 07/04/2022 09:34

My SIL gave my DD a taste of a fruit ice lolly at 6mo, I turned around, it was done. It was a hot day, she would have done the same with her own kids I'm sure. My DM bought slippers for my DD and put them on her one day when she was looking after her. She'd never had any shoes on before that.

I was a bit miffed about both - but then I love my SIL and DM and so I got over it within about one second each time.

There will be so many more firsts. Enjoy your DD and honestly, in a few years they will be snorting haribo at all of those 4/5/6 year old birthday parties. Don't sweat the small stuff.

melj1213 · 07/04/2022 09:36

YABU - "First ice cream" is not a standard milestone so how the hell is your MIL supposed to be aware that a) you had decided it was one and b) they weren't to give your PFB any if you didnt communicate?

Communication is key - if your MIL hadn't told you that she had given the baby some ice cream you would have been none the wiser, and when you gave them their "first" ice cream and they weren't bothered because they had had it before you would have been disappointment not to get your "dream reaction" but you don't want to get into the habit of questioning everything and veto-ing any "firsts" because that could lead to your MIL lying to you to just keep the peace, which sets a bad precedent.

I worked in a nursery for a while and the amount of times we saw children take their first steps/say their first words etc was massive, but we didn't tell the parents about it so they could experience rhe "first" steps/words without the guilt of feeling like they missed their "important" milestones because they had to work etc but things like trying new foods/new words/new skills we would celebrate and tell parents about because we wanted to show their child's progress.

Hertsgirl10 · 07/04/2022 09:37

Have you ever said to MIL that you want to be the first to give her things like ice cream? If it means so much to you.

It wouldn’t bother me but I get why it would bother you, especially as it’s your 1st baby so want to experience certain things and just cos it’s not a usual milestone doesn’t mean it can’t be one for you.

I wouldn’t say anything other than in future can we stick to the usual food plan.

BellePeppa · 07/04/2022 09:37

HomeHomeInTheRange

I was just trying to help, no need to be nasty.

Otherpeoplesteens · 07/04/2022 09:43

Give baby her first barbecued sardine when the weather gets a bit better. ILs would never be able to take that away from you; remind them of it ad nauseam.

Hertsgirl10 · 07/04/2022 09:46

@EliyanahM

You know, even if your opinion is that OP is BU, she is still allowed to feel sad about something she missed with her child. Her feelings are real, you can't tell her not to feel. it's not like she's told the MIL off about it. She just feels bummed. Totally reasonable for a mother to feel bummed about missing something with her kid. So many gaslighting, get a grip! A cold, thoughtless remark. I hope you are gentler on your children when they come to you admitting how they feel about something.
@EliyanahM Exactly. Some very unnecessarily rude comments on here about this.
CaraherEIL · 07/04/2022 09:47

There is babies first taste of ice cream compilation on YouTube that has had 1.2million views plus a few others. It’s also the first food type that comes up in a search for Babies first taste. So the OP is not the only one who sees ice cream first taste as a thing.

Juniper68 · 07/04/2022 09:47

@twilightermummy

My ex mil gave my baby daughter her first haircut without asking me, whilst looking after her for a couple of hours. 7 years on and it still gives me the shivers thinking about it.
Now that IS something to get angry about!!
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/04/2022 09:47

Ice cream is a ‘Mile stone’? Dear god, give your own head a wobble. You sound ridiculous.

Ps: free childcare? Don’t risk losing it. Set out your expectations very firmly and say ‘thank you’. A lot.

Sunnierdays · 07/04/2022 09:48

If that’s all you have to worry about you’re doing pretty well! Read the news and this may put the ice cream dilemma into perspective!

dfendyr · 07/04/2022 09:50

@Staryflight445
My mil was very aware my son was very close to smiling, I’d asked her to stop so I could get first dibs (I was miserable and exhausted, I did every night feed and everything by myself) and she pushed and pushed and got the first smile.

? What was she doing that you asked her to stop doing? (tickling?)

HangingRock25 · 07/04/2022 09:54

OP in a few years time you will look back on this thread and cringe at how irrational you were to be upset at this. It really is bizarre. Utterly bizarre to care about something as absurd and self-absorbed and silly as this.

You asked if YABU, and everyone is saying yes. Instead of lashing out at people, take the hint and grow up a bit. This is classic Precious First Born syndrome.

loveliesbleeding1 · 07/04/2022 09:56

Did you just call another poster “babe”

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Farawayfromhere · 07/04/2022 09:56

YABU

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