Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL gave baby first ice cream

703 replies

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP posts:
Harvey3 · 07/04/2022 08:22

YABU. Be grateful that they will look after her one day a week, that's incredibly generous of them. If you want full control over what she eats and does, then look after her yourself.

Montague22 · 07/04/2022 08:23

YANBU

Of course it’s a special moment otherwise she wouldn’t be explaining how she reacted to you. If it wasn’t special there would be nothing to say.

The fact that she is telling you all about means she knows, I think it’s a little mean.
Not terrible but a little mean.

I’d be aware that she has form for this and may try and do first Easter egg hunt, Christmas outfit etc which some would not give two hoots about, but others value as ‘firsts’

Overall it sounds a great set up currently. She is very lucky to have a whole day with her grandchild. You are lucky to have some tome for yourself.
You can be grateful, but so can she. So don’t worry too much about honest conversations.

Jammybadger · 07/04/2022 08:24

DDs grandparents are a bit crazy for firsts too! But it works out quite well long term so stick with it… want to buy her her first bike? Sure. First laptop? Great, thanks. First big bed? Be my guest! - so you kind of have yp suck up some other firsts. Her really significant firsts (walking, crawling, first words etc) were all with me.

cantbecoping · 07/04/2022 08:25

A MIL who was taking care of her grandchild while her DIL stayed at home to clean the gaff and put the washing machine on gave the child her first taste of ice cream in a bizarre act of defiance yesterday.

The Child's mother Miss Maloney sobbed "Everyone knows that the first lick of ice cream is such a huge milestone in a child's life. It's up there with first words, first steps, first poo in the potty. How could she steal this from me, I am just livid and so upset. I feel utterly robbed of a special moment that is now tainted because no matter how many ice creams my daughter will have in her life, I will not be the first to give it to her and knowing that is such a hard blow"

COP on, absolutely mortified for you making an issue out of something like this.

Happierthanever91 · 07/04/2022 08:26

Classic Mumsnet responses that everyone has to act as though you're being absolutely insane because something has upset you.

I completely understand what you mean about being sad to have missed it, I would be the same as I'm quite sentimental about stuff like that. Just think thought, there's so many other exciting food stuff you get to try and be there for (lemon for example was my personal fave as my DD didn't even wince haha, she loved it!)

Lunificent · 07/04/2022 08:31

I’m nearly always pro mum in the MIL threads but not sure here.
The only thing I’d have a concern about is that if you have given fairly specific advice about feeding to the in laws, then this may be an indicator that they’re sometimes not following it.

Montague22 · 07/04/2022 08:31

My son learnt to crawl with me.
At 7 months 3 weeks he commando crawled, then exactly a month later at 8 months 3weeks he was up on all fours crawling properly.

My mil cared for him 1 day a week from 9 months.
I mentioned his crawling milestones when discussing his siblings milestones 8 years later.

My mil told me the 2nd date was wrong. He did it first at ‘her house’ and she wrote in ‘her diary’.
Goodness knows what fabrications are in that diary! She delighted in taking over firsts and arguing with me!

I recall when he first climbed up the stairs at her house we took a pic (he had done it elsewhere). She leapt past him went to the top and outstretched her arms so the photo showed him crawling towards her 😂🤣🙈 She’s not even on Instagram.

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 08:32

Classic Mumsnet responses that everyone has to act as though you're being absolutely insane because something has upset you.

to be fair it is classic "how people answer PFB stuff since the dawn of time"

Most of us have PFB moments, which embarass us down the line. There is no harm in pointing those out to people who ask when it happens to them.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 07/04/2022 08:32

This is really nothing. Having a first taste of ice cream is no big deal. It's not like the stories you hear on hear of MILs cutting GC's hair or having their ears pierced.

You probably won't even remember it in 20 years. If you do you will probably roll your eyes at your past self. That being said, if these things are important to you atm I'd give your D.C. their first bit of chocolate this weekend - just to be on the safe side!

JinglingHellsBells · 07/04/2022 08:33

I can't quite believe what I've read.

I never knew that ice cream was a milestone in a baby's s development to be witnessed only by their parents.

I think it would be sensible for anyone looking after a baby to ask its parents beforehand what was okay to give them to eat, but I 'd never see any first-time food as being so 'special' a parent had to there.

I'm afraid i think you are overreacting.

Mouk · 07/04/2022 08:33

YABU - it's a taste of ice-cream and if you are not bothered about the sweet aspect where's the problem in them giving your child some ice-cream.

They are very generous to mind your child 1 day a week while you catch up on housework. Especially as you are on maternity leave.

You're lucky they are involved grandparents. My ex's family barely see my children.

HailAdrian · 07/04/2022 08:34

'Baby's first ice cream' 🤣🤣

LizzieSiddal · 07/04/2022 08:35

YANBU

I look after my granddaughter one day a week too. I would never give her a food which she hadn’t had before, when she’s under 12 months, you don’t know if she may react badly to an ingredient.

The fact she tried BLW without your permission is dreadful. That should be your place to decide when she starts weaning.

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 08:36

My baby's great grandmother gave her a cornetto at 9 months too! I just accepted it because quite frankly my nan is an utter narcissist and it's easier not to argue with her.

stripeyflowers · 07/04/2022 08:37

Ah . . . I sort of understand . . . but really . . . YABU.

MummyGummy · 07/04/2022 08:38

YABU. If witnessing every ‘first’ is that important you’ll have to stay with her all the time. What if she says her first word while at Grandmas?

feelingdizzy · 07/04/2022 08:40

When Dd who is now 20 had her first ice cream she got the most appalling shits ! So definitely not a perfect moment .

There are a million lovely and amazing moments as your kids grow up , and it's often not in the places you thought they would be . And loads when they aren't babies , I've adult children now and the joy of seeing them do something new is amazing .

You can't and probably shouldn't be there for all these moments just relish them when you are .

Patchbatch · 07/04/2022 08:40

Classic Mumsnet responses that everyone has to act as though you're being absolutely insane because something has upset you.

Or to be more accurate, not everyone blindly agrees with the OP and provide a different perspective. Someone posting about a grandaparent who looks after their child once a week whilst they are on maternity leave who has given them a touch of ice cream is not going to be full of people affirming how unfair and how cruel that is.

Ravenglass83 · 07/04/2022 08:41

@maloney123 I would be thrown by this too, as the first ice cream taste is a big deal to me and something I'm looking forward too. I can empathise with the 'weaning journey' approach too, DP and I both love trying new foods ourselves, it's a big part of our lives and this approach made most sense to us. Maybe it's just something associated with our particular approach as the body of the responses on here seems to be going clearly in one direction Grin However I also wouldn't be impressed that she'd gone against what I'd asked, regardless of childcare arrangements.

Polyanthus2 · 07/04/2022 08:41

Part of it is that if ANyONE helps you with childcare they can do what they want as you are so grateful (or should be so grateful) for the service.

BellePeppa · 07/04/2022 08:42

I thought you were going to be upset at MiL introducing sweet stuff without your permission. My kids got their first taste of fizzy drinks when they were about 4/5 because that was all that was on offer at a child’s birthday party and I was pretty annoyed at that as they were forever wanting it after (they’d never had before the party). Ice cream is not a milestone and you are BU.

Excited101 · 07/04/2022 08:42

I’ve lost count of the amount of threads where the op gives up replying because of so many sneery twats who just want to dig and bully someone.

I can see why you feel a bit put out op, but you are being unreasonable. When you give your child over to someone else to care for, there will be things that you miss, that’s just how it is I’m afraid, and ‘first ice cream’ isn’t really a typical milestone. I’m not sure what you mean about ‘tried to do BLW’ though, do you just mean they gave her some food to eat herself?

Ponoka7 · 07/04/2022 08:42

@maloney123, I get why you'd want to see the facial expressions. My DD would video my GC for me to see. I'm very hands on, overnights from a few months old etc but I wouldn't have done that. However I don't see the issue in starting BLW from the start, it's better for development.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 07/04/2022 08:43

My lovely MIL gave my DD her first chocolate-she was 10 mos old at her brothers birthday and it was a bit of cake

MIL died a few years after so didn't get very many firsts with her darling granddaughter and I still look at those pics of both of their faces full of joy and feel happy

I think there are plenty of firsts for everyone and you need to be glad so many ppl love your baby.

I admit I did think your disappointment was for the instagram pictures

EliyanahM · 07/04/2022 08:43

@EliyanahM

My baby's great grandmother gave her a cornetto at 9 months too! I just accepted it because quite frankly my nan is an utter narcissist and it's easier not to argue with her.
Just to add, the only things baby had eaten up until then was vegetables and fruit, so I thought jumping straight to sugar-laden ice cream was a bit inappropriate.
Swipe left for the next trending thread