Friends birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place ,aibu ?

[beeleecc]

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip /lunch.
It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both(as it's her birthday )
I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub.
So in my head I'm thinking £40 max.
Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub.
Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky ?
I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat.
I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all.

@beeleecc

Every month after bills /mortgage /food etc I'm left with around £600 spare so not rich by any means but not struggling I guess. I just don't want to spend £80 plus on a meal when I have other events plant in the next month.

Exactly, nor should you feel pressured to. You’ve been given lots of good advice @beeleecc, now’s the time to act on it.

You are buying gift, train tickets and lunch - for a "friend"? WHY would you do that?

This comes across like trying to buy or keep a friendship. A gift - yes - not the rest - it make no sense whatsoever unless you are stinking rich and she is an old friend living in a filthy bedsit on hard times - otherwise, it's just creepy spending so much.

[quote beeleecc]@MoiraNotRuby my birthday she treated me to a meal but she got 40% discount as her boyfriend works at the restaurant [/quote]
So you went somewhere she suggested for your birthday to suit her getting a discount, yet she can't do that for you, defo a CF?

I'd be saying what @Thehop says!

@MoiraNotRuby

£600 a month spare?!

FML where am I going so wrong in life!!!

Some people have ten times that amount. It's not the issue here.

Whatever money the OP has, she said she'd treat the friend to 'a pub lunch' which implies somewhere cheap and cheerful, not somewhere so expensive its caused her to worry about the cost and post on here.

It's not up to the friend to pick somewhere more expensive when she's not paying and expect the OP to pick up the cost, whether or not she has the money as that doesn't necessarily mean she can or even wants to spend so much on this occasion.

Tell her to jog on.

Return the gift and use the money for the more expensive meal

Pfff. I make six figures and I bought a friend a £70 dinner for her big birthday with no present/tickets etc and she was very grateful.

You're insanely generous OP!

I don't have a single friend that I couldn't be honest with in this situation. I don't think that's luck - it's skill that I have managed to see off the bad ones and keep hold of good people! Some of my friends are millionaires, some often find themselves without a pot to puss in - it wouldn't matter which camp they are from, I could be honest about my own finances with any of them.

We all need to get more comfortable say we can not afford things. Just tell her at the expensive places you’d need to go half’s. She can like it or lump it.

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?

No way does it make you look tight! You’ve already paid for train tickets (which are not cheap!) and a generous gift! Is this a special birthday op? You seem extremely generous. She is coming across as a CF!!

Also, she might not still be expecting you to foot the whole bill but you won't know unless you communicate clearly with her! YABU if you are upset with your friend and not telling her, thus giving her the chance to put things right

@beeleecc she spent practically nothing on you and your buying tickets, a pricy present and she wants a slap up lunch on you.

Why don’t you deserve the same as you’re giving her?

Why are you so desperate to have any kind of friend that you put up with this?

If you say pub lunch is on you, and she wants more but doesn’t offer to pay her way, then you say that you have £40 budget left for lunch and if she wants to go to an upmarket place then you’ll put in the £40, but she can pick up the rest.

You’re friends with Princess Cunt tbh.

Who are all these people who pay fancy gifts and experiences for friends' birthdays? A gift alone is more than generous. When my friends stopped buying for me - after I'd bought for them - I gave up.

Your friend is taking liberties and I'd have no hesitation bin telling her it's pub or halves in restaurant

You have already been really generous with train tickets and an expensive gift. If she wants to go to the Thai restaurant just tell her your budget and thst she will have to pay towards the rest. It sounds like you have organised a lovely day!

"Sorry that's more than I can afford, happy to go if we split the bill, or else we can stick to the pub as planned"

Honestly, if she reacts badly to the above she wasn't worth all the money you've thrown at her anyway.

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?

No. She chooses somewhere expensive, she pays her half.

Could you just say: 'Ok, lovely. I have budgeted a total of £40 for our lunch so I can put that in the pot if you fancy going there instead'.

Can't believe the cheeky cow picked somewhere expensive knowing you were paying. Plenty of good responses here OP, just so you know though, good friends don't act like this (her, not you) so don't let her take you for a ride. If she's a knob about it then I'd be dropping her like a hot potato

She's being a cheeky fucker.

I'd tell her unfortunately you can't afford that restaurant unless she goes halves on it with you. Bet she'll soon fancy the pub you suggested.

Just so you know, any good friend would try and reduce the price and suggest somewhere cheaper, not the opposite. This is really cheeky and would make me see my friend in a whole new light. Sorry OP but I would find this really distressing and obviously you have been anything but mean. Over-generous, if anything.

Plenty of good responses above to pick from.

I have a very generous discretionary budget and I would never think to do a large present, plus train trickets, plus a pub lunch for a friends birthday. Some years not even my husband gets that much. I don’t particularly care if people think that makes me tight. I think it just makes me responsible. It also means that I have the savings to really indulge a family member or friend if the perfect gift or perfect event ever comes along. I’d rather take my friend to a string of pub lunches and one year stumble upon the perfect, but ridiculously expensive gift, and be able to buy it for her because I was frugal the rest of the time.

@SpiderVersed

"I'd only budgeted for a pub lunch after the gift and train fares, but if you fancy somewhere posher we can go halves"

This is good.

She's taking advantage of you.

can you be my friend??

i thought friend budgets were max £30 to be honest 😂😂😂 i want a shopping trip and lunch at a pub

I wouldn’t worry about appearing tight if she isn’t concerned about overstepping. With all of my mates I’d have been able to say “oh that’s more than I expected, we can go there and go halves or we can go to pub as my treat?”