Friends birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place ,aibu ?

[beeleecc]

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip /lunch.
It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both(as it's her birthday )
I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub.
So in my head I'm thinking £40 max.
Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub.
Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky ?
I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat.
I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all.

@QuidditchSwitch

Who are all these people who pay fancy gifts and experiences for friends' birthdays? A gift alone is more than generous. When my friends stopped buying for me - after I'd bought for them - I gave up.

I don’t even buy friends cards, a text saying happy birthday is about it. I’ve too many financial obligations and so do they to be spending on a friend.

My friend was going to take me out for my birthday, however money was tight so she said she'd cook for me. Which was perfectly fine by me, I was just happy not to be cooking!

If your friend doesn't understand why you can't pay that much she's not much of a friend.

No, you don't look tight. It casts her in a bad light with her suggesting the expensive place when she knows you offered to pay and her not suggesting putting money towards it, etc. I can understand why she might want a special place for a meal for her birthday but she should've addressed the money side of things, not left you in this situation wondering.

You could just say that's fine but we'll need to go halves as it's obviously a lot more expensive.
I hope it all works out OK for you.

@SpiderVersed has it nailed on the head! Perfect.

I wonder if she thinks the meal is the gift? Does she know about the other things too? Either way, I am a bit startled at the CF.

I would just tell her, its out of my budget. You can choose out of x, x or x?

If she's a good friend just reply along the lines of
"erm, I love you lots but that's a bit out of budget for lunch, was thinking about £40 with drinks"

Or return her gift.

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?

But you are tight. Tight for money, or you wouldn't have hesitated.

I don't blame you. A few hundred pounds laid out for a friend's birthday sounds ludicrous to me. I don't spend that on DH.

What did she get you for your birthday? Is this in the same vein?

Maybe take her present back? I don't think she'll be expecting an outing, lunch and an expensive present?

@Totalwasteofpaper

Rosas thai is nice.

Id just book that and say the expensive place was fully booked when you called.

She is very cheeky though.

this is mad - be honest or she'll keep doing the same thing

You're not tight. Not wanting to pay for an expensive meal because you don't have much money isn't tight.

As pps have said, tell her you would have to go halves at that place or you could go to somewhere cheaper.

She’s very cheeky. With me and my 2 best friends we’ll go out for a meal and drinks and there’ll be a present but generally I spend £30 on a present and same back. For big birthdays we split it and get a joint present so spend £50 approx. There’s no way I’d be paying for travel there!

A close friend (brother’s ex GF) who I don’t see much but is SAHM/W I’m treating her to afternoon tea at a cat cafe for her birthday for a special treat. Have added extras. She’s travelling by train from 1 hour approx away but of course she’s paying train fare and we’ll go Dutch on lunch/street food lunch beforehand. I’m looking forward to seeing her not going to the most expensive place!

I’d be blunt and clear but in a nice way with this friend and if she pushes it just say “x Thai/pub is in my budget”. And no discussions.

And no you are not tight, you’re very generous.

Return the gift, and pay for lunch.

She doesn't know that you've spent £65 to be fair.

@Octomore

Tbh, this makes me feel really out of touch as to what is considered an appropriate amount to spend on a gift these days!

No-one in my friendship circle would spend £100 on a friend's birthday unless it was a significant milestone birthday.

You're not out of touch, I wouldn't get my friends a birthday present at all unless it was a "big" birthday

Text back "If we got to Thai place you OK to split the bill?" If it's her preference I'm sure she'll be fine with that. If she's a dick take her present back and get a refund.

Please be frank with her about your budget, plenty of suggestions here how to do it.

Just tell her OP it's out of your budget and if she wants to go there it'll have to be split...she sounds a bit grabby! are you sure she's a great friend...

What a cheek.

Funny how people tend to be more likely to pick somewhere expensive/something expensive when someone else is paying.

My DD used to do this. She had an 'allowance' from around the age of 13, to buy frivolities (we bought necessities.) Whenever I went out with her, I would sometimes get her to buy her own coffee and cake or something, just to teach her the value of money, and when she had to pay for herself, she had tap water and a 99p cookie. When I was paying, she would pick £10.00 worth of food and drink.

Same when she brought a friend with her. If I got them to pay for their own (when they were 14-16,) they'd spend £2.00 each, but if I offered to pay, they'd get fancy snazzy drinks with marshmallows, and squirty cream, (and always a large,) a pack of sandwiches, and a cake, and a cookie. Sometimes cost me an extra £20!

This is why I started to give her an allowance, and made her buy SOME stuff out of it. To teach her the value of money, and how much stuff cost!

It took a while!

As people have said @beeleecc just tell her if she wants to go to somewhere expensive, you will go halves.

Your friend is a chancer.
Just be honest- tell her if you go to the expensive restaurant, you need to pay your own way or offer to buy just her main and she needs to cover anything else she wants.

You have spent £65 on a gift which is generous in itself. You recommended a pub knowing what type of budget you had. Your friend preferring to go somewhere more upmarket, does not mean you should now fund this.

You either:
A. Go to pub as you suggested and pay for friend
B. Go to Thai restaurant and your friend pays for herself

[quote beeleecc]@MoiraNotRuby my birthday she treated me to a meal but she got 40% discount as her boyfriend works at the restaurant [/quote]
So just a meal (nearly half price) not a meal AND train tickets x 2. Did she buy you a gift?

She sounds like a proper CF!

You do not have to declare bleeding poverty either. Your budget is your budget, it matters not if you have savings, a high income, mortgage paid off etc. Your friend may not like it but does need to accept it.

Blimey, you are already spending well over £100 on her! I don’t even spend that amount of money on my children. Off the top of my head I can’t think of a time I’ve spent more than 30 quid on a friends birthday. And I would never want one of my friends spending that amount of money on me!

Eeeek. Honestly your friend sounds cheeky!

If my friend took me on a day out, lunch paid for, tickets paid for i'd be making it very clear that WAS the gift and certainly wouldn't be expecting an actual gift. I'd also choose a restaurant bearing in mind someone elses budget and would be considering the cost to them. No way would I pick somewhere expensive or have expensive drinks on someone else.