Friends birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place ,aibu ?

[beeleecc]

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip /lunch.
It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both(as it's her birthday )
I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub.
So in my head I'm thinking £40 max.
Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub.
Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky ?
I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat.
I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all.

Just be totally honest and say it’s out of your budget, tell her where you were thinking of instead. Easy.

YABU
£40 for two people to eat out is assuming that you're going somewhere on the extremely cheap end of the market - that budget wouldn't even cover starters/main/dessert/drinks at nandos let alone a nice country pub! If you wanted to only go to cheapo chain places then you should have specified.
If you really can't afford it then retract the offer, but it was your mistake to offer something you can't afford don't blame her.

@nosyupnorth

YABU £40 for two people to eat out is assuming that you're going somewhere on the extremely cheap end of the market - that budget wouldn't even cover starters/main/dessert/drinks at nandos let alone a nice country pub! If you wanted to only go to cheapo chain places then you should have specified. If you really can't afford it then retract the offer, but it was your mistake to offer something you can't afford don't blame her.

£40 is about right for a Nandos type restaurant in my experience, it might stretch to about £50 but it certainly wouldn't be £80-100.

I'd do what others say and just say it's a bit out your budget and suggest going halves or find a cheaper alternative restaurant option saying it's got good reviews, looks great and is less expensive. If I discuss restaurants with others, birthday or not, it's normal to be able to say 'gosh that looks an expensive place' and joke like 'what's the starter gold bars' that kind of thing haha. Many people I know watch their money so it's more about lack of willingness to spend too higher prices then no willingness to spend that much on your friend. On a side note this year I realised I've gradually become more and more the mother hen who feels a sense of moral obligation to pay for everything for friends or else I'll feel anxiety they will think I'm tight or unkind. I would buy really nice presents even for people I'm not sure even deserve it. I also became the office leaving present organiser even for people who haven't been kind to me! I realised this is a form of people pleasing and most of what I've done was completely uneccessary and purely down to having an anxiety. I've been watching a lot of youtube videos on people pleasing and feel a whole lot more balanced in my thinking. People really don't expect so much and often a smaller gesture to a good friend is better than a big one anyway. I organised a similar trip to yours and was anxious the whole time as my friend didn't really recipricate e.g she said lets go halves on lunch and when we bought wine in a shop even though I'd paid for so much else. It can dominate your thoughts. Far better to save big days out for someone you trust 100 per cent like your mum or husband if they are similar to you. It's a relief for that obligated feeling to lift as you end up feeling a mug for being overly generous and taken advantage of and at times a bit over the top in your gestures which can feel a bit awkward. If you are like me watch those youtube videos! Whatever happens enjoy your trip :-)

OP, what happened, people are waiting to know the outcome!

Hope it went well

.

YANBU. She sounds cheeky

I think she is taking the pi ss because you have already paid for a lot. Now grabbing it for all its worth. Need to stand up for yourself. If you can't afford it then it's a no.

I think it’s fine for her to want to go to a more special pace and to her tastes for her birthday (if a bit cheeky). HOWEVER, it’s not what you offered and of course it’s fine then to tell her as much and for you to go halves

Just say you have chosen a nice place but it's a surprise. Then pick one in your budget

I'd say ' Sorry, no can do. It's out of my budget but I'll stretch to one of those dine in for two dinners from M&S and I'll throw in a nice bottle of vino. There's the choice, pub or M&S'. 😂

Seeing as this keeps coming up on my posted on thingy ZOMBIE THREAD KLAXON!!! This was posted last month and has been and gone!

So what happened, OP ?

< wilfully ignoring @misskatamari >

oh fgs I thought there was an update