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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place ,aibu ?

290 replies

beeleecc · 06/04/2022 12:47

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip /lunch.
It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both(as it's her birthday )
I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub.
So in my head I'm thinking £40 max.
Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub.
Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky ?
I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat.
I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all.

OP posts:
KeepThinking · 06/04/2022 13:16

@beeleecc

I wish I was rich 😂 I've been saving so I could treat myself in Manchester to some new clothes. That's why it was only a £40 lunch budget
I mean if you can afford a £65 gift, the train tickets and lunch then I think you’re doing ok!!

If you’re worried about the friendship surviving you saying something as simple as ‘that’s out of my budget but I’m happy to go halves or pick somewhere else. There’s [this place] if you fancied Thai?’ the I’d be thinking this isn’t a good friendship at all and she’s probably taking advantage of you.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/04/2022 13:17

@SpiderVersed

"I'd only budgeted for a pub lunch after the gift and train fares, but if you fancy somewhere posher we can go halves"
This ^

You've already spent a fortune on her anyway between the gift and train

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/04/2022 13:18

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?
Um... No.

You've already bought her a generous present and funding lunch... You get to choose the maximum amount you'll spend.

Unless there's a huge back story where she paid for a house for your last birthday Grin

aleedebo · 06/04/2022 13:18

This reply has been deleted

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Datsandcogs · 06/04/2022 13:19

A real friend would be embarrassed to cause this situation. You already committed to a lot but she doesn’t know that yet.

Go back to her and say it’s beyond your budget at the moment and give her 2 options, somewhere else that’s cheaper or split the bill.

Carryonmarion · 06/04/2022 13:19

There are a million nice places to go for lunch in Manchester without paying a fortune and I am sure that she knows it. She is taking the piss.

lemongreentea · 06/04/2022 13:20

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?
No. You have already paid for train tickets and a 65pound present.
DoctorMarten · 06/04/2022 13:22

Makes her look like a leech. Doesn't make you look tight.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/04/2022 13:23

Send one the responses here...

Her answer should tell you all you need to know about her!

Anything other...tjan...yes the slug and sausage will be wonderful or no worries let's go Dutch on posh Thai...is utter CF behaviour

summerdayss · 06/04/2022 13:23

Is there a chance she's forgotten you're going to pay, for example did you say it a few days or a few weeks ago?
Or could it be that she knows you offered to pay but she's sort of brushed over that and when it comes to the bill she will be like "ohhh no don't be silly you have already spent loads" and then insist on paying?

I would maybe say awww those places all look lovely but I wanted to treat you and I can't afford them 🥺 so it's totally up to you, I would love to treat you to a pub lunch for your birthday but if you do fancy Thai instead I understand and happy to join you there too!
Does look gorgeous 😍 xx

Something like that 🤣

UnsuitableHat · 06/04/2022 13:25

Just tell her that's too expensive for you to pay all of it. Why wouldn't she understand/accept that?

KarmaStar · 06/04/2022 13:26

She's a c.f.!! I'm sure there will be some nice vegan burger band in the city centre op😀
Have a great day.

Chickychickydodah · 06/04/2022 13:26

No. Be firm with her and say you have spent enough . She pays or pub lunch

2bazookas · 06/04/2022 13:26

So that's your cue to say

" I can't afford that for two. So, do you want to go Dutch?

Otherwise we go somewhere cheaper, my choice, my treat. "

Silverclocks · 06/04/2022 13:27

I'm sorry, but if your financial situation is such that you need to "save" for the shopping trip (ie you're not awash with disposable income) why on earth are you spending £100 plus on a friends birthday in the first place? Especially one who will try and take more.

mam0918 · 06/04/2022 13:27

who spends over £100 on a friend's birthday gift and meal... I don't even spend that much on my kids or husband.

billy1966 · 06/04/2022 13:28

@AnybodyAnywhere

billy1966

Why on Earth is the OP making a fool of herself??

She is making a fool of herself by tolerating her "friend" demanding an expensive restaurant after train tickets and a gift.

She is making a fool of herself tolerating such rudeness and CFxxkery from someone who brought her to a restaurant where she got a 40% discount, when it was her birthday.

She is making a fool of herself by not speaking up and telling her friend that it is not happening.

She is making a fool of herself by allowing herself to be taken advantage by this person.

A real friend wouldn't dream of being so rude and presumptuous.

viques · 06/04/2022 13:28

It is not being mean to set limits! We recently took a group out to celebrate my birthday at a quite pricey restaurant, made it very clear that we were choosing from the three course set price lunch menu, rather than the a la carte.

LndnGrl · 06/04/2022 13:30

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?
No. She's cheeky as fuck.

If my friend said they'd pay for me I'd pick somewhere like Nando's or TGI's etc. Somewhere around the 20 quid mark.

glowingcandle · 06/04/2022 13:32

Blimey OP I think you sound incredibly generous. I don't buy birthday presents for any of my friends unless they're hosting a party. Even my best friend only gets a card!

Not at all cheeky to say that the restaurant she has suggested is out of budget.

Monr0e · 06/04/2022 13:32

Shes got a brass neck picking somewhere so expensive especially after the train fare and gift (has she had the gift yet?)

How long have you been friends? Does she have form for this? I'd be sending one of the messages already recommended. If she is a good friend then she will completely understand. Is you are worried about what her reaction will be, maybe she isn't such a good friend after all.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 06/04/2022 13:33

Get her a meal deal from Tesco.

I hope she got you a really nice present for your birthday.

Thejoyfulstar · 06/04/2022 13:33

I used to live I'm Manchester and frequented am amazing Thai called Phetpalin. It was small and cheap (byob) and still think about their green curry years later. I tried the other more expensive Thais and they weren't as good.

Your friend is BU btw. Neither I, nor my friends, would ever exploit eachother like this. I would look differently at this friend after this.

Mariposista · 06/04/2022 13:35

@beeleecc

Does that make me look tight?
No, it makes you look honest.
froufroufrou · 06/04/2022 13:36

Yikes! Who needs enemies when you’ve got complete mooches like this for a friend.

I’d put my foot down and then reconsider the friendship.

So rude and entitled.