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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place ,aibu ?

290 replies

beeleecc · 06/04/2022 12:47

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip /lunch.
It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both(as it's her birthday )
I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub.
So in my head I'm thinking £40 max.
Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub.
Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky ?
I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat.
I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all.

OP posts:
JaffavsCookie · 07/04/2022 18:28

Rosas thai is nice but you won’t get away with £14/head, especially if she has starters, pudding and drinks

Mumof32017 · 07/04/2022 18:30

Please update us, I need to know if you told her to jog on!

Yogalola · 07/04/2022 18:35

Just be honest and say you can’t afford that much. If she’s a true friend she’ll understand and split the bill.

Ionsion · 07/04/2022 18:37

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend to be honest.

ShepherdMoons · 07/04/2022 18:42

I think you've already spent a lot. I normally spend about £20 on friends and I think that is okay. If you're not comfortable with the cost of the meal (I wouldn't be) then tell her the budget and then at least you both are okay about it. It is a bit cheeky of her tbh though as I'd be just grateful that someone had done this for me!!

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 18:54

How close are you OP? To be honest even if this is your best friend I think she's taking the piss... and friends do sometimes.

Do not pay someone else's train fair in future! I mean she should of declined.

I think it's out of order and I would not ask. I would book the pub and say you are going here as its within your budget.

WTF475878237NC · 07/04/2022 19:00

£600 spare each month after all your bills? I'd pay more than £40 for lunch.

It was today, so what happened?

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2022 19:01

@WTF475878237NC

£600 spare each month after all your bills? I'd pay more than £40 for lunch.

It was today, so what happened?

On top of all the other stuff she paid for?? How much of that £600 do you honestly think she should spend on a friend?
Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 07/04/2022 19:03

@SpiderVersed

"I'd only budgeted for a pub lunch after the gift and train fares, but if you fancy somewhere posher we can go halves"
Send this
Bananarama21 · 07/04/2022 19:07

Can you be my friend? Seriously why are you paying the train fare getting her an expensive present and food that's far too much for a friend it sounds like she's taking advantage of your generosity, are you always so generous and does she return the favour?

RaRathebravemouse · 07/04/2022 19:08

No you wouldn't be tight to say it's out of your budget. She's bring cheeky. Maybe she doesn't like pub lunches in which case going halves on something nicer should be fine. If she normally likes pub lunches then she's definitely taking advantage.

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 19:10

@WTF475878237NC

£600 spare each month after all your bills? I'd pay more than £40 for lunch.

It was today, so what happened?

That's OPS business though. OP has paid enough. I have never heard of having to pay a friends transport. Its disgusting in fact I went out for MY birthday and I paid for our drinks we had 4 between us. You have completely missed the point of friendship Shock
Lurkerlot · 07/04/2022 19:13

Could try Solita in Manchester, 2 for 1 cocktail specials

Youarelreadyenough · 07/04/2022 19:18

I have this issue with my friends but none of them are cheeky F’s like this! I have literally zero disposable income so any plans require notice and cutting down beforehand and my friends understand that. We always choose reasonably priced places we will all like to accommodate the fact I have less cash than them! Can you be honest with her and just say I’m sorry this is way out of my budget. I’ve allowed x amount and can’t do more. If she insists then she is no friend!

WhereHaveAllTheTwigletsGone · 07/04/2022 19:24

Can you return her gift and make the lunch her gift instead? From your OP it sounds like she bought you lunch for your bday. Or did she also get you an expensive gift too?

kayd90 · 07/04/2022 19:25

You have been really generous. Buying the train ticket, paid £65 pound for a gift. That's wayyyyy more than me & my friends would spend on each other. I think your entitled to say I've spent more than I should this month can we go somewhere more reasonably priced

LoveSpringDaffs · 07/04/2022 19:26

@Doggirl

DP and I for a late Xmas present once took 3 friends out for a day out in Winchester by train (around 80 miles away), entry to the Cathedral and lunch. We were pretty honest that it was predicated on a ticket promotion the rail company was running. They were happy, I think--they were foreign and didn't speak great English, so it's not a trip they would otherwise have made.
And?
quiteathome · 07/04/2022 19:27

I would take the £65 gift back, and buy something cheaper.

Oh and be honest, just say you can't afford that place for lunch

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 19:27

@WhereHaveAllTheTwigletsGone

Can you return her gift and make the lunch her gift instead? From your OP it sounds like she bought you lunch for your bday. Or did she also get you an expensive gift too?
Why is it tit for tat though? OPS friend is pushing boundaries here. How much do you spend on your friends birthdays?
cherish123 · 07/04/2022 19:33

Tell her it's out of budget. She must know she's being cheeky.

DigsDilemma · 07/04/2022 19:36

If she doesn't already know about the gift, return that and use the money from that on the meal out.

nitsandwormsdodger · 07/04/2022 19:43

What is the real reason you can’t lose face money wise?
This person must be a close friend to be spending all that money and time on so what is the real reason you can’t admit it’s out if your budget?

tearinghairout · 07/04/2022 19:48

I think she is taking advantage of your generous nature. Sounds like she knows she can push you and you'll give in. If you only bought her a card for her birthday, and maybe a bunch of daffodils, would she still want to be your friend? There's your answer.

WhereHaveAllTheTwigletsGone · 07/04/2022 19:49

@KELLOGSspeck 🙄 Don’t get so worked up. It’s just a suggestion that might keep OP within her budget and also let her friend have the meal that she seems so keen on. Her friend may not even be expecting the gift on top she may think the meal IS the gift (especially as that is what the friend did for OPs bday).