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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nieces Wedding AIBU to not go

153 replies

Chocolateforever · 06/04/2022 08:19

AIBU not to attend? It would mean I need to leave DD (14 years old) alone for 6 hours through the day ( our house is very isolated, she has depression and anxiety and our large dog is hard to handle), drive back half an hour to collect her for the evening reception(to which she is invited) and then back to the hotel again. Also I know we are not sitting with our relatives for the dinner, but we are sitting with Mother of the Brides family as we all live in the same village. I am told this is why we are at the same table. I try hard with them, but they never speak to me. I wave and they don’t wave back. I can see them talking to each other and ignoring us. My husband says he will go to the wedding which is fine with me. AIBU?

OP posts:
lemongreentea · 06/04/2022 08:24

Take your daughter with you and leave her in the room so you dont need to drive back to collect and you can check in on her regularly?

Lastqueenofscotland · 06/04/2022 08:26

@lemongreentea

Take your daughter with you and leave her in the room so you dont need to drive back to collect and you can check in on her regularly?
Yes surely this. And put the dog in kennels overnight You sound like you’re trying to make this difficult so you don’t have to go.
Original poster
Chocolateforever · 06/04/2022 08:26

Unfortunately there are no rooms available in the hotel- they’re fully booked but we did consider this initially

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 06/04/2022 08:26

Can’t your husband go to the day reception and you go to the evening do with your daughter?

MoiraNotRuby · 06/04/2022 08:26

None of the things you have listed are reasonable excuses, if you have already replied. Sounds like you just don't want to and are casting around for excuses tbh.

TracyMosby · 06/04/2022 08:28

If you dont want to go, dont go

KylieCharlene · 06/04/2022 08:31

I'd go to the evening reception- if I went at all.
You're not going to enjoy the wedding whilst worrying about your dd and dog and potential issues at home.
It doesn't sound like you're particularly close to the niece anyway as if she thought a lot of you she would have taken your circumstances into account and invited your dd to the wedding too.

FoxesEat · 06/04/2022 08:32

Dog goes into kennels and DD spends the afternoon with a friend or family member on the other side of the family until its time to be collected?

mycatisannoying · 06/04/2022 08:33

I can't imagine missing the wedding of my niece or nephew for the reasons you've outlined. You're not even a single parent!

Aprilx · 06/04/2022 08:34

God people are miserable about weddings on here, always looking for reasons to get out of them!

Awrite · 06/04/2022 08:34

So, your neice isn't inviting her cousin to the ceremony, just the evening reception? I wouldn't worry about offending her. Just don't go.

Original poster
Chocolateforever · 06/04/2022 08:35

I was going to ask DF to come over to the house but he is recovering from operation and DB has COVID-19 and there is no one else that I could ask to help

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 06/04/2022 08:35

You could miss the day part and go in the evening with your daughter, although I can’t imagine ding that to my niece

Brefugee · 06/04/2022 08:35

Just decline the invitation.

Lazypuppy · 06/04/2022 08:37

If you have RSVP'd yes you would be so ubreasonable not to go!they will have likely finalised numbers and paid, unless you will reimburse them the cost of the food and drinks that will be wasted.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/04/2022 08:39

If your brother can't help out because he has covid then I'm assuming this wedding is in the next few days? In which case YABU to cancel going so close to the day. Can't your DD go to a friend's house?

LndnGrl · 06/04/2022 08:41

@Awrite

So, your neice isn't inviting her cousin to the ceremony, just the evening reception? I wouldn't worry about offending her. Just don't go.
This. I wouldn't send a card or present either.

Is your dd related to her, or is you dd your dd and you dp is her stepfather?

rookiemere · 06/04/2022 08:41

Being worried about your DD is a valid reason, the dog and being miffed about the table you are on , are not good reasons.

I think you should go, but get there just on time and make your excuses quickly after the meal - leave DH there if possible.

Mind you it depends on the situation with your DD, if she's just a bit down or if you're worried about self harming or worse.

Thatswhyimacat · 06/04/2022 08:45

@Aprilx

God people are miserable about weddings on here, always looking for reasons to get out of them!
Miserable and laughably spoilt. Unless it's held in their own back garden with their entire family and dog invited, they as pp said, 'wouldn't even send a card'.
redtshirt50 · 06/04/2022 08:46

You clearly just don't want to go - don't hide behind your daughter as an excuse.

VeganGod · 06/04/2022 08:46

It sounds like you don’t want to go and that’s a good enough reason. Just say no, you’re allowed to please yourself instead of others.

Ikeptgoing · 06/04/2022 08:49

Have you accepted already?
If you have then arrange for DD to go to a friends house and attend. If you have not then decline for the day yourself and let DH go you can join him with DD in the evening

FoxesEat · 06/04/2022 08:49

How far away is the wedding? How much notice would you be giving if you pull out now?

Original poster
Chocolateforever · 06/04/2022 08:51

The original plan was to go to the wedding my DF would come to our house at least for a while but his operation was an emergency one and he has not recovered yet

OP posts:
Lalliella · 06/04/2022 08:52

Presumably this wedding is very soon as your DB currently having covid is an issue. I think it would be rude to back out now. You need to make some arrangement and go. Force the people on your table to talk to you! You might make new friends.