Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to my CF neighbour?

232 replies

MyVeryFirstCF · 05/04/2022 09:10

I'm unsure if I'm being petty here.

Context:

Next-door neighbour has two children, let's call them Jenny (7) and Davy (4). Jenny is delightful. I don't really see Davy.

My children are DD9 and DD6. They don't see Jenny and Davy socially but go to the same school as them.

Their mum is always pleasant to me, but only ever WhatsApps me if she wants something - "Hi MyVeryFirstCF, how are you, can I borrow some eggs?" would be a standard message from her.

On a few occasions when there has been an emergency she has asked me to take Jenny to school. I have always been fine for this. However, when I had Covid, I asked if she could walk my non-Covidy child to school, and she made a bit of a fuss saying she normally drives to school (a 7 minute walk), and that little Davy didn't have any gloves and his hands would get cold. I offered to lend her gloves. She eventually agreed. (It didn't happen in the end as DH managed to WFH that day.)

Last week CF neighbour had a small car accident which has led to her car being off the road.

She texted me yesterday morning asking if I would take Jenny to school. I didn't see her message immediately but replied within 10 minutes saying yes, and saying I'd call for her at 8.30. At 8.30 CF neighbour answered the door wearing basically no clothes saying that Jenny wasn't ready, and she hadn't seen my reply (why wouldn't you check?!) So she had to take her herself.

Then she texted me again this morning asking if I would take Jenny. I did. Jenny is no problem at all - a really lovely girl, but my girls don't know her well and sort of clam up. This is a shame because I really enjoy the school run as a bit of time I get to spend talking to my girls away from the distractions of screens / homework / getting food ready etc.

The reason given for this morning's request was that her younger child was still asleep. Although, when I called, it was clear CF neighbour wasn't dressed again. She has told me in the past that Jenny hates walking. Jenny has told me that she loves to walk, and that it's her mum who hates walking! (It's literally 7 minutes.)

She also has a husband who WFH every day, but I literally never see him with the children, so I don't think she gets any support from him.

Would I be unreasonable to say no to any future (non-emergency) requests, and how do I do this whilst maintaining a decent enough relationship that we can ask each other for actual emergencies?

OP posts:
hungrymutha · 07/04/2022 16:20

The more you say yes, the more people ask

You have two choices. You can either just say no or not reply next time. Just say your phone died

Or carry on the way you are

waterrat · 07/04/2022 16:40

To be honest
This would astonish me in real life OP to see someone getting quite so severe over a minor slightly annoying issue like this

.. I genuinely can't imagine saying no to picking up a 7 year old for a short walk I'm doing anyway.

waterrat · 07/04/2022 16:41

However I will admit she sounds very annoying. Maybe she is depressed or in an abusive relationship...

CharlesIsQueensHorcrux · 07/04/2022 17:00

@MyVeryFirstCF this will prob get lost in the mix but I just wanted to offer my sympathies re the OTT response from CF neighbour - in real life messages that are reasonable and presented straightforwardly or even breezily as MN recommends tend to generate this sort of reaction. It’s hard to find the balance between not being a pushover and not getting your head bitten off

Original poster
MyVeryFirstCF · 07/04/2022 17:37

She totally blanked me on the school run this afternoon. I smiled and said hi and she literally turned away. It was all very dramatic.

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 07/04/2022 17:39

Oh she is just having a hissy fit because you have rumbled her! Smile and ignore. You were being used and her behaviour reflects exactly that, she is not interested in you or your family she just wants to see how much she can squeeze out of you. No loss and if she isn't talking to you then she can't ask for any more favours - win win.

Mummy1608 · 07/04/2022 17:39

@MyVeryFirstCF

She totally blanked me on the school run this afternoon. I smiled and said hi and she literally turned away. It was all very dramatic.
Not a bad outcome, what have you lost? A burden
FridayBluezzzz · 07/04/2022 17:41

She’s outed herself as a classic CF, when you are no longer useful they dump you.

WinniesHunny · 07/04/2022 17:41

Result.

SockFluffInTheBath · 07/04/2022 18:01

Well that’s 2 sets of bone idle journalists not justifying their salaries…

IncompleteSenten · 07/04/2022 18:12

@MyVeryFirstCF

She totally blanked me on the school run this afternoon. I smiled and said hi and she literally turned away. It was all very dramatic.
Excellent. Now you don't have to deal with her bullshit.

Don't bother trying to smooth things over. You don't need to actively invite that back into your life.

NannyKrampus · 07/04/2022 19:05

Take her up on her promise to never ask for another favour from you! Her penis haver can deal with his own childcare or she can get her lazy arse up and do the school run like other parents.

billy1966 · 07/04/2022 20:19

@FridayBluezzzz

She’s outed herself as a classic CF, when you are no longer useful they dump you.
Absolutely this.

She's having a tantrum because you are not prepared to be used.

I hope OP that you get this.

Leave her to it.

This is far better than being harrassed by her.

YoYoYoYoSup · 07/04/2022 21:33

@CloseYourEyesAndSee - and now It makes sense why so many horrific cases get to where they do with deaths and imprisonments. The warning signs are there but completely missed by social services. Proved in this case by the clear assumption you've made that nothing at all would be done in this case. Such a shame, I really thought social services would up their game based on recent cases that have been well covered in the news. Doesn't seem that way though, never learning from mistakes apparently.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 07/04/2022 21:45

[quote YoYoYoYoSup]@CloseYourEyesAndSee - and now It makes sense why so many horrific cases get to where they do with deaths and imprisonments. The warning signs are there but completely missed by social services. Proved in this case by the clear assumption you've made that nothing at all would be done in this case. Such a shame, I really thought social services would up their game based on recent cases that have been well covered in the news. Doesn't seem that way though, never learning from mistakes apparently.[/quote]
What's the evidence of harm?
There is NO evidence of harm here. Please identify where it is if you think I'm wrong? A hunch isn't evidence of harm by the way.

NannyKrampus · 08/04/2022 02:21

[quote YoYoYoYoSup]@CloseYourEyesAndSee - and now It makes sense why so many horrific cases get to where they do with deaths and imprisonments. The warning signs are there but completely missed by social services. Proved in this case by the clear assumption you've made that nothing at all would be done in this case. Such a shame, I really thought social services would up their game based on recent cases that have been well covered in the news. Doesn't seem that way though, never learning from mistakes apparently.[/quote]
Are you on the wrong thread? This makes zero sense!

GiantHaystacks2021 · 08/04/2022 03:30

@MyVeryFirstCF

She totally blanked me on the school run this afternoon. I smiled and said hi and she literally turned away. It was all very dramatic.
Ignore her too from now on. You dodged a bullet.
wtfwasthatmate · 08/04/2022 05:27

Oh god op just tell her to do one. Why didn't you reply and say 'you only ever contact me for favours or to borrow things. I know nothing about you. Ask your husband to actually parent his own kid'.

MaggieFS · 08/04/2022 05:39

Someone genuine wouldn't have been so melodramatic with their replies, Definitely a CF. Good work for standing up for your time with your girls. Poor Jenny.

timeisnotaline · 08/04/2022 05:48

Definitely dodged a bullet. She’s just shocked that someone challenged her entitlement. I assume if challenged again her Dh has a mystery illness also. Grin (the poor man is probably weighed down by his enormous penis)

Any normal person with a health issue would have: I know it’s asking a bit, I have some health issues at the moment, am a bit out of action for a few weeks, I’d be very grateful. And of course if you ever need them them dropped off or picked up please just ask!

BuanoKubiamVej · 08/04/2022 05:51

Yanbu at all

Yes she's being a cf

Text "sorry there's a huge difference between helping to cover an emergency and taking on a regular commitment. I can't be responsible for Jenny getting to school as a regular thing. I don't mind being the backup plan if things go wrong occasionally but you have to have a "normal" that doesn't rely on me.

L

Penners99 · 08/04/2022 06:07

Wait for the message this morning OP.

custardbear · 08/04/2022 06:18

@Swayingpalmtrees

Oh she is just having a hissy fit because you have rumbled her! Smile and ignore. You were being used and her behaviour reflects exactly that, she is not interested in you or your family she just wants to see how much she can squeeze out of you. No loss and if she isn't talking to you then she can't ask for any more favours - win win.
Absolutely! She's a classic user, more front than Harrods, you're well shot. Perhaps warn her next victim if she asks other decent people to skivvy for her
UserError012345 · 08/04/2022 06:21

When she asks just reply as long as she's dressed and ready to go by 8:30.