To say no to my CF neighbour?

[MyVeryFirstCF]

I'm unsure if I'm being petty here.

Context:

Next-door neighbour has two children, let's call them Jenny (7) and Davy (4). Jenny is delightful. I don't really see Davy.

My children are DD9 and DD6. They don't see Jenny and Davy socially but go to the same school as them.

Their mum is always pleasant to me, but only ever WhatsApps me if she wants something - "Hi MyVeryFirstCF, how are you, can I borrow some eggs?" would be a standard message from her.

On a few occasions when there has been an emergency she has asked me to take Jenny to school. I have always been fine for this. However, when I had Covid, I asked if she could walk my non-Covidy child to school, and she made a bit of a fuss saying she normally drives to school (a 7 minute walk), and that little Davy didn't have any gloves and his hands would get cold. I offered to lend her gloves. She eventually agreed. (It didn't happen in the end as DH managed to WFH that day.)

Last week CF neighbour had a small car accident which has led to her car being off the road.

She texted me yesterday morning asking if I would take Jenny to school. I didn't see her message immediately but replied within 10 minutes saying yes, and saying I'd call for her at 8.30. At 8.30 CF neighbour answered the door wearing basically no clothes saying that Jenny wasn't ready, and she hadn't seen my reply (why wouldn't you check?!) So she had to take her herself.

Then she texted me again this morning asking if I would take Jenny. I did. Jenny is no problem at all - a really lovely girl, but my girls don't know her well and sort of clam up. This is a shame because I really enjoy the school run as a bit of time I get to spend talking to my girls away from the distractions of screens / homework / getting food ready etc.

The reason given for this morning's request was that her younger child was still asleep. Although, when I called, it was clear CF neighbour wasn't dressed again. She has told me in the past that Jenny hates walking. Jenny has told me that she loves to walk, and that it's her mum who hates walking! (It's literally 7 minutes.)

She also has a husband who WFH every day, but I literally never see him with the children, so I don't think she gets any support from him.

Would I be unreasonable to say no to any future (non-emergency) requests, and how do I do this whilst maintaining a decent enough relationship that we can ask each other for actual emergencies?

Oh, and you need sone sort of response the next time she decides to ask you for a favour again ie

No
Or
Sorry who is this
Or
I thought you were never going to ask me a favour again, which you reinforced with completely ignoring me - maybe ask some other muggins eh

Oh didn't RTFT. Ugh. What a horridly childish woman.

Don't second guess yourself OP or feel bad. You helped her out on several occasions and offered to do so again in an emergency. She has DH at home, she is not alone. I suspect her life is littered with over reactions, burnt bridges and snubs.

Enjoy your walks with your DDs

Why won't you put your happiness and that of your children first? Instead you have allowed your neighbour to take advantage of both you and your kids. Your children have a limited time with you and with each other. They deserve quality time with a happy mother. Build great memories and closeness in your own family first before giving it up to make life easier for a neighbour's family. And if you must help your neighbour out, don't let it get to the point where you and your kids resent it (no matter how great Jenny is). Lastly, I think you should seek help elsewhere when you have an emergency; from experience, your neighbour will not change, especially since she knows you are kind and generous, especially to Jenny.

@MyVeryFirstCF Her message was SO over the top. I'm not sure if I've appropriately enforced boundaries or just made the world a slightly worse place.

You have appropriately enforced boundaries. Her OTT follow-up messages combined with her literally shunning you once you said No shows that she's one of those people who only values others strictly in proportion to how much she can milk them for her own benefit. As a person who is willing to put your own family's wellbeing ahead of her convenience, you are not very useful to her and therefore might as well not exist.

You have done well.

You handled that really well. You said you'd help out in emergencies, but didn't want it to be a regular thing, because of quality time with your girl's. She went completely over the top by guilt tripping you with a mystery illness (still doesn't explain why her husband didn't help out?!) I'd carry on saying hello and hopefully she'll get over herself.

If her DH is well enough to WFH he is well enough to care for his 4 year old DS whilst NDN walks her to school. He's well enough to parent him. (Btw even if he were disabled, Lots of us disabled people work and have DCs and we manage even as lone parents). Genuine people usually say when someone is recovering from an op or something but their DCs still have two parents unlike you as a lone parent to two DCs too.

She’s outed herself as a classic CF, when you are no longer useful they dump you.

I agree with this ^^

There was no need for her manipulative text nor for her to blank you at school. Instead of being grateful for the help you've given her she presents as angry you've caught her out and that you won't dance to her CF tune anymore. She sees you walking in mornings and thinks 'my NDN can take my DD then I don't have to '..... that's her own child !!

I'd take this as a lucky escape and merely send her a thumbs up reply to her text.

What a relief

You have nothing to feel guilty about