Told off for serving olives and chicken?

[justonanote]

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

[BulletTrain]

Oh dear. If friend A and friend's friend B are close enough to be going to a wedding together, A may be siding with B.

You weren't in the wrong. I would suggest a cheese sarnie for my fussy DS but not becsuse he's veggie, as he isn't! But just because it's a common thing they all eat (every kid's box is a cheese or ham roll).

[SickAndTiredAgain]

@justonanote

Well the thing is... I'm thinking, I didn't actually ensure she wasn't veggie? And it isn't uncommon? So maybe I am in the wrong for that

No, you don’t need to ensure you check, she needs to tell you in advance.

[MichelleScarn]

@LndnGrl

I'd be sending her my childcare invoice pronto.

Cheeky bitch.

Yep! And charge for the food!

[WhyOfCourse]

@justonanote

Rach (not her real name of course), is 8

My nephews are veggie. They could tell me something wasn't 'veteran ' by age 3 to be fair

She's 8?!!! Then she's old enough to tell you she doesn't eat meat. And olives are fine for an 8 year old who has no eating issues.

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Veggies are not yet in the majority. If you have a minority diet you need to make your hosts aware of that, you cannot expect the host to check.

You did ask what to give for lunch. Yes, she suggested a cheese sandwich, but unless you said "yes I shall give her a cheese sandwich" she should have made it clear at that point that the daughter was veggie.

[Hospedia]

An 8yr old is more than capable of saying "oh, I don't eat meat" or words to that effect and Rach's mother who is presumably at least 20+ years old is certainly more than old enough to say "FYI, Rach is vegetarian".

Fuck them.

[Benjaminsniddlegrass]

I was veggie from 6 years old (by choice, parents weren't) - if friends parents offered me meat food I was very much able to say no thank you I don't eat meat & they'd knock me something else up. Whereas I had friends who veggie because their parents made them be so & they'd be found under the table at the party snaffling sausage rolls. I think you may have a child in the second camp who really rather enjoyed the chicken curry!
Ignore them, they are ridiculous and it will cause her no damage - unless of course there is some serious dietary requirements and if so she was highly neglectful not communicating this to you!

[ImFree2doasiwant]

How old are the children?

[TiredTeaAndHotWaterBottles]

Oh just seen your update - age 8!!! Olives are fine at this age! And as for chicken curry, most 8 year olds are old enough to say 'sorry I can't eat that I'm veggie' - unless she assumed it was quorn? (but then I'm guessing mum would be none the wiser).

So basically, Rach's mum is a bit mad ..

[UpToMyElbowsInDiapers]

When I send my DD places, I used to tell people she was allergic to egg (until she grew out of it). That’s it.

Sometimes she’d come home having had salad and chicken breast. Lovely. Sometimes she’d come home having had pizza and ice cream. Whatever.

The principle is: if a kid truly can’t eat something, you make it known, clearly and repeatedly. Any preference beyond that is not at all reasonable to comment on! You say “thank you for the lovely time my child had”.

YANBU! This family is ridiculous for yelling at you about serving chicken if they didn’t tell you they were vegetarian. In fact - they’re ridiculous for yelling at you for any reason. That isn’t the way adults communicate.

[100problems]

My goddaughters chose to be vegetarians at a very young age and were perfectly able to politely say they did not eat meat.

Perhaps Rach is actually more a carnivore than mum thinks

[CaptainCarp]

YANBU. If your child is veggie/vegan/kosher or has an allergy you make sure to tell whoever is looking after them!
Some cheese isn't even vegetarian & you could easily have given haribo or something.

I thought you were going to say the children were 4/5 with the choking hazard. Were they stoned? I'm not sure they'd even be a choking hazard then.

[IncompleteSenten]

What an absolute twat of a woman.
And if your friend has indeed blocked you then fuck her too

[Wnikat]

Saying Olives are a choking hazard for an 8 year old is just weird.

[WhyOfCourse]

And even if I'm wrong and you should have known better there are far better ways of conveying this to you

[ImFree2doasiwant]

Sorry missed the ages, 8 is old enough to know they're veggie

[CloseYourEyesAndSee]

As the life long veggie mum of a veggie kid YANBU
She should have told you and the kid could have mentioned it, but mostly she should have told you. What a twat.

[2bazookas]

WTF? You mentioned food, the mother had perfect chance to say she's a vegetarian and didn't. There's nothing about "cheese sandwich" that implies "we're vegetarian".

It's on her, not you.
The olive objection is beyond daft; 8 yr olds have teeth to chew food,

[JustPlainKnackered]

The mother is being ridiculous, it's totally on her for not saying her child was vegetarian. The child is old enough to have said something herself anyway but her mother is being pathetic.

[hangrylady]

You have done nothing wrong. The mum is a cheeky bitch and should have told you. Also at 8 years old surely the child would have said she can't eat chicken. I think the old phrase 'No good deed goes unpunished' applies here.

[easylemonsqueezy]

@Wnikat

Saying Olives are a choking hazard for an 8 year old is just weird.

Absolutely!!!
What a twat Mum

[LardyDee]

Child was fed (enjoyably), looked after, didn't choke, drown, get electrocuted, or contract the bubonic plague, batshit lady can piss off!

[Just10moreminutesplease]

The only thing YABU about is apologising! It’s her responsibility to tell people about her child’s dietary requirements… what are you supposed to do, read her mind?

[Mosaic123]

Not all cheese is vegetarian so she should definitely have mentioned her daughter was veggie when she told you about the cheese sandwich!

She's a cheeky F to blame you now.

[Patchbatch]

She should have said, and also the child could have said if she was that bothered but sounded like she enjoyed it.