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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told off for serving olives and chicken?

438 replies

justonanote · 04/04/2022 18:14

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds Blush we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie Sad

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

OP posts:
Innocenta · 04/04/2022 19:13

@Rinatinabina

Her mum might be veggie, but 8yr old rach clearly isn’t.
Rach has her own ideas about what she likes 😈
BertieBotts · 04/04/2022 19:13

Babywalker saying "a cheese sandwich is fine" does not mean "please make sure my child eats nothing other than a cheese sandwich", what it means IMO:

Please don't go to any trouble for my child
My child will willingly eat a cheese sandwich
I'm being polite and suggesting something that is easy

Since the OP was feeding herself and the other child as well, it makes perfect sense to deviate from the idea of a cheese sandwich, which if said in the way OP quoted, really did seem like a suggestion rather than a strict order.

What the mother should have said is "a cheese sandwich would be fine, just no meat please as we're veggie". That's it. But if you're the kind of person to phone up a stranger and berate them then TBH it probably wouldn't have mattered what she said or didn't say, she sounds controlling and nuts. (Good job OP didn't serve nuts :o)

I feel sorry for Rachel TBH. She probably got shouted at as well. Poor kid.

Mrsmch123 · 04/04/2022 19:13

You definitely did nothing wrong! She's crazy!!!But out of interest how did she know her daughter had chicken curry?

SpringHasSprungYay · 04/04/2022 19:15

What?! Shes nuts op. Good riddance.

winterchills · 04/04/2022 19:15

I can't believe you offered to have her child, she didn't tell you her dietary requirements and then had the cheek to ring you shouting!! What an absolute cheeky bitch!!!!

SushiShopSearch · 04/04/2022 19:15

She sounds like an utter nutter

Smokeahontas · 04/04/2022 19:15

She sounds like a total basket case! YANBU

cstx89 · 04/04/2022 19:16

Omg this actually made me sad. This is NOT ur fault. The mother should have been clear with u abt her requirements.

U did something really nice and they took advantage.

Find better friends!

Big hugs Thanks

Signalbox · 04/04/2022 19:16

You could've damaged her stomach!

She's clearly got a screw loose Grin

gogohm · 04/04/2022 19:17

I'd expect her to tell you, and an 6 year old to speak up too

Gladioli23 · 04/04/2022 19:18

@daisychainsandrainbows

"A cheese sandwich will do fine" does not translate to "my child is strictly vegetarian". YANBU.
Plus there are plenty of non vegetarian cheeses so it definitely doesn't translate!
dollydimple123 · 04/04/2022 19:18

What an ungrateful woman! It's n it your fault at all! Unless she specifically said she is vegetarian do not give her meat then how could you of known!

FloBot7 · 04/04/2022 19:18

I'm a veggie and although I raised my DD eating meat, if I hadn't I would have made sure you knew. If the daughter didn't tell you, how on Earth were you supposed to know? She's being unreasonable and it's definitely not your fault.

SarahBellam · 04/04/2022 19:19

Tell you what, I bet Rach bloody loved that chicken curry.

OP, it is completely unacceptable for Rach’s mum to fail to tell you her child is vegetarian, and indeed for Rach not to tell you. You did absolutely nothing wrong and you have no need to apologise. All you did was be kind and you’ve had it thrown in your face.

Ownedbymycats · 04/04/2022 19:21

I'm vegan and think she was completely unreasonable. Don't worry, she's a cheeky article and you weren't to know.

tempester28 · 04/04/2022 19:23

An 8 year old should be able to tell you they don’t eat meat and chew an olive. If it is a food allergy they surely would have told you. They are rude!

Beautifulmonster87 · 04/04/2022 19:23

Wow lovely lady! You’re so not in the wrong here! The child clearly didn’t tell you she was veggie and enjoyed her dinner!

MrsMigginsCat · 04/04/2022 19:24

That mum is batshit.

Cheese sandwich does not equal vegetarian diet only.

Dsisproblem · 04/04/2022 19:24

She would cut up olives for an 8 year old?! She's batshit. You did nothing wrong OP

unsurereallyx1 · 04/04/2022 19:24

My sister, 8, is vegetarian. If she is going for a play date/dinner at a friends my parents will always mention to the parent that she is veggie and offer to send her with food too. In this instance, even if my sister wasnt veggie my parents probably would have sent her with a packed lunch instead of expecting you to provide food!
My sister would also know to ask if something was vegetarian before eating it.
(It is her choice to be a veggie)

cherryonthecakes · 04/04/2022 19:25

Rach's mum is extremely unreasonable. Your other friend is even more unreasonable for blocking you for something that was Rach's mum's responsibility to mention.

Not all cheese is veggie so you could have been in trouble if you'd made something like grilled cheese with Parmesan (often not veggie). As for the olives, weren't the EIGHT year olds sat down eating?

The 8yo is old enough to ask if the food is veggie. My child asked questions about unfamiliar food just in case and I would have mentioned something.

bravefox · 04/04/2022 19:25

Sounds to me like mum has decided DD is vegetarian for her. Poor kid.

Original poster
justonanote · 04/04/2022 19:25

@babywalker56

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

But if she asked you to give her child a cheese sandwich, couldn’t you have just given her a cheese sandwich? I don’t get it

Because I didn't know of any diet restrictions so just made us all something far better

OP posts:
FeedMeSantiago · 04/04/2022 19:28

The onus was on the mother to say her DD is veggie. DH and I are veggie and are planning to raise our DC veggie until they're old enough to make their own choice and in the full expectation that at some point they will eat meat at school/a friend's house etc.

When I was 8/9 I had a vegan friend in my class. She was very adept at politely turning down ham/cheese sandwiches etc. I'm sure Rach was quite happy with eating chicken, especially if she had seconds.

Worst case scenario is she has a bit of a gippy tummy but I suspect this wasn't the first time Rach has eaten meat.

Iwonder08 · 04/04/2022 19:30

Think positive, OP. Finally the poor girl got to eat something nice. Perhaps you will influence her asking for a better food at home. Perhaps it was your value add for the daySmile