Told off for serving olives and chicken?

[justonanote]

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

[Strugglingtodomybest]

@TheseDaysGoBy

The parent had probably planned on feeding her child a substantial evening meal herself when she picked her up at 6pm. Meat eaters are very selfish.

I love this! So the OP was supposed to mind read that the child was a vegetarian AND that she would probably be getting a substantial evening meal later?

Yeah OP, you are SO selfish for offering to look after her child and then feeding her a home-cooked, nutritious meal instead of a boring sandwich, how very dare you!

Talk about tying yourself in knots just to have a pop at non-veggies.

[SuspiciousScully]

I'm veggie and have two veggie kids who are eight and almost ten.

I would always let someone know they're vegetarian if they were going to be feeding my kids. Then again, I also explain they have restricted diets due to autistic needs so generally I arrange things so other people don't need to feed them and would always offer to provide food if it couldn't be avoided.

However, even there was an emergency and I wasn't able to explain...my kids would tell them! In fact, they often check with me that parents of friends etc. know that they're vegetarian if going round to play.

I think they would both be pretty upset if they accidentally ate meat so, if that did somehow happen, I don't think I'd tell them and would chalk it up to experience.

[tigger1001]

@TheseDaysGoBy

As a vegetarian myself I understand how incredibly frustrating it is that meat eaters just assume everyone eats meat and fish. I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat. The child was trusted under YOUR care and so it was your responsibility to check this. Of course, the mother should have made it clear that her child was strictly vegetarian but she did tell you just a cheese sandwich was fine so you should have just honoured that. I think the mother was unreasonable regarding the olives though.

Going forward, you should try to be more open minded about people's food choices.

I couldn't disagree more.

It's up to the parent to say "my child is vegetarian". They are leaving their child in the care of of someone else who will be feeding them - that's pretty important information to pass on. Especially as the op had mentioned chicken curry - what a perfect time to say actually my child is vegetarian.

It was free childcare. You can't demand a cheese sandwich. Maybe op didn't have cheese in on that day. Maybe the child, who is actually old enough to say themselves "I can't eat that" asked for it since op and the other child were having it.

It is ALWAYS the parent's responsibility to pass on dietary requirements/restriction to who ever is looking after their child.

[yellowsuninthesky]

The parent had probably planned on feeding her child a substantial evening meal herself when she picked her up at 6pm. Meat eaters are very selfish

Occasionally there are very very stupid posts on MN. This is one of them.

[yellowsuninthesky]

I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat

if someone else looks after your child, it's up to them. If you have strong views about what they should be fed, you make sure the person know - or provide a packed lunch/tea. "just feed them a cheese sandwich" does not = "my child is veggie, please do not feed them meat". How hard would it have been to say "by the way my dd doesn't eat meat, so a cheese sandwich will be fine".

Unbelievable fussiness and entitlement on here.

[Octomore]

An 8 year old is old enough not to choke on an olive, and is also old enough to tell you herself that she's veggie.

[Octomore]

A child who’d grown up vegetarian could be even slower to make the connection.

A child who has grown up vegetarian will almost certainly be more aware, not less, or what meat is.

She will have heard the adults around her discussing vegetarian food vs meat (e.g. when picking a restaurant, or when filling in dietary requirements forms etc). Meat eaters tend to be oblivious to this stuff because eating meat is the default, but not vegetarians in my experience.

The child almost certainly knew (assuming no SEN), and didn't say.

[Peachtoiletpaper]

@yellowsuninthesky

I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat

if someone else looks after your child, it's up to them. If you have strong views about what they should be fed, you make sure the person know - or provide a packed lunch/tea. "just feed them a cheese sandwich" does not = "my child is veggie, please do not feed them meat". How hard would it have been to say "by the way my dd doesn't eat meat, so a cheese sandwich will be fine".

Unbelievable fussiness and entitlement on here.

Yes, and how could OP be expected to think of every possible dietary requirement or combination of? It's incumbent on the parent or individual to make things known, otherwise the baseline assumption should be, and is, that they can eat anything. We are an omnivorous species after all so why wouldn't it be?

[Mummacake]

She didn't tell you she was veggie and if it was that important she should have said. She should be grateful you looked after her child so well!! I say that as a veggie myself!! IMO it's just like making someone aware of any dislikes or even allergies, particularly if the child isn't well known to the person looking after them. YANBU!!!

[Xpologog]

If the child can speak she can tell you she’s veggie. She’d have known chicken curry contained chicken. I have Muslim friends whose 4 year old child knew to say “ no thanks” to sausages, sausage rolls.
And as for the olives—- any and all food is a choking hazard, but millions of people manage just fine every day.
The mother sounds barmy.

[HELLITHURT]

[quote TheseDaysGoBy]@Herejustforthisone my comment wasn't contradictory. It made perfect sense. To make it clear for you, bottom line: take the parent literally and feed the child what the parent tells you to feed, even if it's just a cheese sandwich. The parent had probably planned on feeding her child a substantial evening meal herself when she picked her up at 6pm. Meat eaters are very selfish.[/quote]
Vegetarians are very lax parents, they leave their children with friends of friends who don't know the children because the jolly is more important. So selfish these vegetarians!

But let's look on the bright side, they loved the chicken curry, wanted more.... two omnivores for the future I reckon!

Over strict food restrictions put on children does this.

[CremeEggsForBreakfast]

"Just a cheese sandwich will be fine" is different to "Just a cheese sandwich for lunch, please. Rachel is veggie".

The sandwich could have been served with cocktail sausages or bacon crisps. There could have been jelly for pudding.

All the posters who say you should have just given her a sandwich are showing a startling lack of awareness. One of them is probably the mother....

[BorderlineHappy]

@justonanote Have you heard back from your "friend".