Told off for serving olives and chicken?

[justonanote]

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

How ungrateful of her and what a terrible mother she is, she is happy to leave her child without a proper handover or instructions.
Shocking behaviour on her part
You did nothing wrong

[quote TheseDaysGoBy]@Herejustforthisone my comment wasn't contradictory. It made perfect sense. To make it clear for you, bottom line: take the parent literally and feed the child what the parent tells you to feed, even if it's just a cheese sandwich. The parent had probably planned on feeding her child a substantial evening meal herself when she picked her up at 6pm. Meat eaters are very selfish.[/quote]
If I offered to watch someone’s child for the day (especially someone I didn’t know very well) I would not expect to be told what to feed them for lunch, unless they were providing the food. How bloody entitled do you have to be to turn up at a next to stranger’s house with your child and dictate exactly what they give them for lunch? I also don’t know any 8 year olds who wouldn’t eat two hot meals a day, so I doubt the ‘substantial evening meal’ would be an issue

And I haven’t eaten meat since I was 12, so I’m not a selfish meat eater either. Just a rational human being.

@TheseDaysGoBy

As a vegetarian myself I understand how incredibly frustrating it is that meat eaters just assume everyone eats meat and fish. I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat. The child was trusted under YOUR care and so it was your responsibility to check this. Of course, the mother should have made it clear that her child was strictly vegetarian but she did tell you just a cheese sandwich was fine so you should have just honoured that. I think the mother was unreasonable regarding the olives though.

Going forward, you should try to be more open minded about people's food choices.

Nope. It's down to the parents to make it clear, even more so when the other person is doing them a huge favour.

She's unhinged.
She should have told you her daughter is vegetarian. And of course it was not acceptable to scream at you.
Also, olives a choking hazard for an 8 year old? What is she, a baby?

@TheseDaysGoBy

As a vegetarian myself I understand how incredibly frustrating it is that meat eaters just assume everyone eats meat and fish. I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat. The child was trusted under YOUR care and so it was your responsibility to check this. Of course, the mother should have made it clear that her child was strictly vegetarian but she did tell you just a cheese sandwich was fine so you should have just honoured that. I think the mother was unreasonable regarding the olives though.

Going forward, you should try to be more open minded about people's food choices.

Nope, anything like allergies, dietary requirements or religious beliefs need to be told to the person watching the child. It is the parents job to do this. If you cannot tell people watching your child things like this, you really shouldn't ask anyone else to watch them. This is down to the parent.

Telling someone that just a cheese sandwich would be fine does not in any way, shape of form imply that only a cheese sandwich is acceptable.

Even if the op had guessed that it meant the mother preferred that her child was only be given vegetarian food, there's certainly no way it's a prohibition on olives.

@TheseDaysGoBy

As a vegetarian myself I understand how incredibly frustrating it is that meat eaters just assume everyone eats meat and fish. I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat. The child was trusted under YOUR care and so it was your responsibility to check this. Of course, the mother should have made it clear that her child was strictly vegetarian but she did tell you just a cheese sandwich was fine so you should have just honoured that. I think the mother was unreasonable regarding the olives though.

Going forward, you should try to be more open minded about people's food choices.

Nah.

Also doesn’t seem like Rach had troubles with her own food choices. Only her mother

Where is your mate in all of this? Is she defending you or keeping her mouth shut? You did them both a favour.

I'd be upset with her.

TheseDaysGoBy You are going to get a rude shock in the world. If you dump your child on someone so you can go off and have a jolly, it’s YOUR responsibility as the parent/guardian to pass over any relevant health and dietary information. It’s not up to the person either doing you a favour, or being paid, to ask 1001 questions in the hope they cover every possible scenario for your child. There is no obligation at all.

Also, as for the parent and the verbiage re the cheese sandwich. This is in no way an instruction that the child had to be given a cheese sandwich. The average person will interpret this as don’t go to much bother please, just something simple so as not to trouble yourself. It’s not literally they must have a cheese sandwich and nothing else for the entire time they are minded! What if the person didn’t even have cheese and bread in? The mum also doesn’t seem too concerned as to whether the cheese is vegetarian or not which is really strange given the uproar they caused. If the mother specifically wanted the child to eat a cheese sandwich then she needed to pack one (with vegetarian cheese). You can’t dump your child on someone with no information given about any special dietary requirements, no food for them and expect someone to conform to your non own standards.

Oh this women should of told you she needs to get a grip!!

Also, as for the parent and the verbiage re the cheese sandwich. This is in no way an instruction that the child had to be given a cheese sandwich. The average person will interpret this as don’t go to much bother please, just something simple so as not to trouble yourself.

Absolutely! HoppingPavlova and other posters are right to say that that is how almost everybody would interpret those words. I would expect an 8 year old to mention if they had any allergies or dietary requirements anyway.

In justanote's position, I'd be expecting or as a thank you, not criticism.

I'm actually astounded that there are people on this thread saying that you were unreasonable 🤣🤣🤣 Good grief.

Informing people of your/your children's dietary requirements is VERY MUCH the responsibility of the person with the requirement, not of the person providing the food. If I had a peanut allergy and I went out to eat, I wouldn't expect the waiter to ask me if I had a peanut allergy, I would expect to have to offer the information to them so that they can properly meet my needs.

Meat eaters are very selfish

😂

But are they mind readers too?

@VeganGod, yes, some parents restrict certain drinks or screen time. This can be due to excessive amounts of sugar or artificial colours, or well-evidenced concerns about inactivity, about content of programming, about the harmful effect of passive entertainment on young minds.

But humans have eaten meat, fish, fowl, and eggs for millennia. Our GI tracts are designed to digest animal protein. It's an ideal protein for us.

So your analogy falls short.

@easylemonsqueezy

Tell her to fuck off Simple

This! 100%!

Silly cow should have told you the child.was a vegetarian. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. No mistake at all. 'Just a cheese sandwich' does not translate as 'she is vegetarian', it translates as a suggestion for something low-fuss. Im veggie and would make this clear if being catered for. Can't see the child's age but if your own son eats olives then your judgement is surely fine.

I would leave your friend a voice note or text saying you aren't happy that you've done her and her other friend a favour, saving both a lot on childcare for the day, only to be actually screamed at and accused of making the child ill (which is bollocks, humans are omnivorous and more than capable of digesting chicken). Make clear her friend should have told you clearly that the child had a dietary requirement and her response was unacceptable. It's not ok to ring someone screaming like this.

www.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/mum-screamed-at-parent-serving-23599623?fbclid=IwAR3FxREQaFJ-OYb2NyIneD0oKAEna1QhYp2WPxbw1JpYTLUVenMrDCTBSns

You may want this taken down @justonanote

@VeganGod

StoppinBy

The people you describe that eat meat occasionally are not not vegetarian. Vegetarians are people that don’t eat meat...ever....not even on a ‘special occasions’. 😂 The people you describe are just people that don’t eat meat often.

And people that ‘sneak’ meat when their partner isn’t around, as well as not being vegetarian, are clearly not in healthy relationships which is far more concerning than what they’re eating.

Yes but my point is, these kids may be being forced into a vegetarian lifestyle and could easily be eating meat and dairy when their parents aren't watching which you seem to imply is ridiculous and wouldn't happen.

Do people really still consider round foods a choking risk for EIGHT year olds??

@DragonMovie

Do people really still consider round foods a choking risk for EIGHT year olds??

Only batshit crazy ones!

@Iwonder08 As I’d mentioned in my earlier post, some young children don’t always connect meat-based meals with a living animal. In my previous post, I briefly referred to a child I knew. I’ll elaborate further on that child. They were aged 7, so not too far from the age of the child in this thread. They ran out into the kitchen one day to speak to their mum. They said in a mix of surprise and horror, “Mummy! Did you know some people eat animals? That’s gross!”

Except their mum was preparing the evening meal - chicken and noodles.

It was patently clear that the child hadn’t yet made the connection between dear little hens clucking happily in a farmyard and Chicken and Peanut Noodles. That’s not unusual. I remember being horrified too - that the ‘normal meal’ on my plate was actually animal flesh. A child who’d grown up vegetarian could be even slower to make the connection.

So, although to you as an adult, Chicken Curry is obviously made of dead chicken, to a young child that’s not so obvious. As a primary teacher, Ive been asked questions by the younger children which show they don’t quite get the direct connection between their burger and a cow. A child of 8 could easily still be in that group.

If I fed you a pet cat in a curry, and you ate it and had seconds, but then were horrified when I told you later what it was, do you think I could shrug aside your upset, but saying “But you had seconds?”

It is cruel and disrespectful to give vegetarians meat. There’s nothing to suggest this child doesn’t want to be veggie. Would you give somebody’s young child pork if the family didn’t eat it for religious reasons? “Oh, but they had seconds…”

As I said, I presume the veggie mum thought the OP knew her child was veggie - hence the confusion and her suggestion to just give her a cheese sandwich (because she thought the OP was asking due to her being veggie, so made a simple veggie meal suggestion).

It is cruel and disrespectful to give vegetarians meat. There’s nothing to suggest this child doesn’t want to be veggie. Would you give somebody’s young child pork if the family didn’t eat it for religious reasons? “Oh, but they had seconds…”

Not if you don’t know they’re vegetarian

As I said, I presume the veggie mum thought the OP knew her child was veggie - hence the confusion and her suggestion to just give her a cheese sandwich (because she thought the OP was asking due to her being veggie, so made a simple veggie meal suggestion).

Big assumption there on the mother’s part. She fucked up and her subsequent reaction isn’t acceptable

YANBU. It astounds me that anyone could make this your fault.

Big assumption there on the mother’s part. She fucked up and her subsequent reaction isn’t acceptable

This. I wouldn't assume that anyone but my very closest friends and family know/ remember I am vegetarian. This mum was a friend of a friend so absolutely should not have presumed.