Told off for serving olives and chicken?

[justonanote]

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

@FortunesFave

I did this and the worst part of it was that the little boy, whenever he came back, kept asking me for meat!

He was 9 and his Mother had kept him vegetarian and dairy free. I knew he was those things on his first visit but when he and DD were hungry in the afternoon, i'd told them to help themselves. DD told me later that he'd eaten about five slices of turkey and had a big drink of milk.

He obviously didn't want to be non meat eating but it wasn't my place to challenge that so on subsequent visits, I kept serving things he "could" eat and later, DD would ask me for meat for him....he was obviously asking DD to ask.

I would answer "I don't think his Mum wants me to give him meat. Sort yourselves out"

Because I didn' want to deprive him! there were no allergies. It was all because of her reluctance to eat animal products. They never said they were vegan....just meat and dairy free.

I had a similar experience when a child started the school Nursery Class full time and stayed to dinner. She demolished her shepherds pie and licked the plate clean saying 'That was lovely. It's the first time I've ever eaten meat'. I was mortified and apologised to the mother but she was fine and said the parents were vegetarian but they were happy to let the child make her own choices.

Not all veggies and vegans (who are so by choice) are repulsed by meat - I know a good few who aren't. They aren't a homogeneous group who chose their diet for the same reasons as each other.

I said

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things.

Some miss certain things but they are still very dedicated to not eating those things.

I reckon the mother of the child might be one of those who is very controlling over food (based on the olive comment - not the vegetarianism). The kid clearly knew enough to tell her she'd eaten chicken when she got home, but chose not to tell you at the time for whatever reason.

Either way - she's a CF and if you're friend is being a dick too - then they can have each other and feed each other cheese sandwiches until the cows come home. Best off out of it.

Well it doesn't sound like this particular 8 year old is 'dedicated to not eating those things' though, does it. Sounds like she very much enjoyed the opportunity to try something different.

8 yo child who actively wants to eat meat and their parents restrict it is not in any way right way to parent.

We all make choices for our children and I think it’s just a matter of opinion. If a parent believes that not eating meat is in their child’s best interest due to their beliefs and are providing a nutritious diet, that’s not wrong, it’s just opinion. Some parents restrict screen time more than others or certain drinks or activities.

Well it doesn't sound like this particular 8 year old is 'dedicated to not eating those things' though, does it. Sounds like she very much enjoyed the opportunity to try something different.

Sounds like something else entirely to me. 😬

She demolished her shepherds pie and licked the plate clean

And another. ‘Demolishing’ snd ‘licking plates’ now. 🤣🤣🤣

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things.

I have. Funny how we're all different eh?

@VeganGod

She demolished her shepherds pie and licked the plate clean

And another. ‘Demolishing’ snd ‘licking plates’ now. 🤣🤣🤣

She really did lick the plate! The child would be about 40 now and could even be on Mumsnet. I wonder if she remembers.

[quote Iwonder08]@breatheAndFocus - majority of people do eat meat and people should presume their guests eat meat unless specified otherwise. The girl is 8, she was told it is chicken, she asked for seconds so she clearly enjoyed it. She is old enough to decide if she wants to eat meat. Absolutely no issues with anyone audult making the decision to become vegan or any other dietary restrictions. 8 yo child who actively wants to eat meat and their parents restrict it is not in any way right way to parent.[/quote]
I'm veggie but I don't assume a child is unless the parent says, that said I do all meat free meals at home but they are nutritionally balanced to include whats needed (DS eats meat at nursery sometimes and not an issue, when he's old enough he can decide for himself). I wouldn't do something vegan unless they said, but similarly if they'd only eat sausages or whatever I'd do them for the child.

Also if you have kids over:you always ask about allergies and dietary requirements.

Nope. As a parent with a child with allergies, it’s my responsibility to make sure other parents are aware of this. No one else’s.

An 8 year old and she’s shrieking about olives being a choking hazard, FFS!

I have. Funny how we're all different eh?

If you’re seeing people eat meat, dairy or eggs, then they’re not veggie or vegan, which is their choice. What is funny is the language used by mumsnetters about these incidents...these apparent vege/vegan people are shovelling, demolishing, snaffling huge amounts of roast chickens and bacon sandwiches and big glasses of milk.

@VeganGod

Not all veggies and vegans (who are so by choice) are repulsed by meat - I know a good few who aren't. They aren't a homogeneous group who chose their diet for the same reasons as each other.

I said

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things.

Some miss certain things but they are still very dedicated to not eating those things.

Maybe Rach doesn’t want to be a vegetarian and isn’t dedicated in any way to being so.

She really did lick the plate! The child would be about 40 now and could even be on Mumsnet. I wonder if she remembers.

I wouldn’t think she’d remember this, no. 😬

Maybe Rach doesn’t want to be a vegetarian and isn’t dedicated in any way to being so.

Maybe, but we all make decisions for our children like making them eat meat. Maybe ‘Rach’ doesn’t even exist. 😂

My kids would happily come round and create some chaos for your boy to enjoy. They LOVE other children.

@FortunesFave

I did this and the worst part of it was that the little boy, whenever he came back, kept asking me for meat!

He was 9 and his Mother had kept him vegetarian and dairy free. I knew he was those things on his first visit but when he and DD were hungry in the afternoon, i'd told them to help themselves. DD told me later that he'd eaten about five slices of turkey and had a big drink of milk.

He obviously didn't want to be non meat eating but it wasn't my place to challenge that so on subsequent visits, I kept serving things he "could" eat and later, DD would ask me for meat for him....he was obviously asking DD to ask.

I would answer "I don't think his Mum wants me to give him meat. Sort yourselves out"

Because I didn' want to deprive him! there were no allergies. It was all because of her reluctance to eat animal products. They never said they were vegan....just meat and dairy free.

The mum told you he was dairy free and you let him have milk?

He could have ended up in hospital.

Did she tell you there were no allergies ahead of that visit or later? If not, that’s not a cute or funny story, that’s irresponsible.

@Marvellousmadness

She said a cheese sandwich and you made chicken curry. How does that make sense Also if you have kids over:you always asl about allergies and dietary requirements.

Especially considering your own kid doesnt even eat meat?

How about putting the responsibility onto the parent?

If my child was allergic intolerant or vegetarian I would always tell the host when they were taking care of my child I wouldn't expect them to ask me

I’m vegan and I’m angry for you. I think the woman realises she should have told you and she’s blaming you instead of herself. She is one cf.

They sound horrible. You did a kind thing. I suspect she is cross with herself but taking it out on you which is unfair. Im vegetarian and would be upset in this situation but with myself - absolutely not with you.

@VeganGod

Not all veggies and vegans (who are so by choice) are repulsed by meat - I know a good few who aren't. They aren't a homogeneous group who chose their diet for the same reasons as each other.

I said

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things.

Some miss certain things but they are still very dedicated to not eating those things.

My neighbour says she is vegetarian but will on occasion, when eating out, a special meal etc, eat meat.

I learned this when I apologised to her after discussing butchering our roosters.

99% of the time she only eats vegetarian, 1% of the time she has something that has/is meat.

I also know of people who are 'vegetarian' because their partner is but sneak eat meat when their partner is not around.

Just because you don't know these people, doesn't mean they don't exist or that others are making it up.

I'm a lifelong veggie and vegan for about 10 years, and even I wouldn't think to actually ask if someone's child was a vegetarian. I'd assume that if someone was giving me their child to feed and look after, they'd have the wherewithal to specifically tell me any dietary requirements. If the parent didn't say anything, then it wouldn't cross my mind.

As a vegetarian myself I understand how incredibly frustrating it is that meat eaters just assume everyone eats meat and fish. I think you were very unreasonable to not check beforehand whether the child had any dietary or religious requirements or allergies and I would be very disappointed if I had a vegetarian child who was fed meat. The child was trusted under YOUR care and so it was your responsibility to check this. Of course, the mother should have made it clear that her child was strictly vegetarian but she did tell you just a cheese sandwich was fine so you should have just honoured that. I think the mother was unreasonable regarding the olives though.

Going forward, you should try to be more open minded about people's food choices.

@StoppinBy

"Just because you don't know these people, doesn't mean they don't exist or that others are making it up."

Then these people are NOT vegetarian.