Told off for serving olives and chicken?

[justonanote]

I invited a friend's DD to my house. She and one of her friend's had been invited to a wedding and they were going to go together

I offered to have her DD and casually offered to have her friend's DD too. She jumped at the chance and was very enthusiastic.

This was all a very last minute arrangement and both seemed grateful to have childcare sorted

They were gone before lunch time but would be back before 6 so was told they'd sort dinner.

I briefly mentioned what to give for lunch and my own friend didn't actually say but I know her DD very well so just gave her what I know she would eat. No problems.

However, my friend's friend said 'oh just a cheese sandwich will do fine! Thanks again for having her'

I made a chicken curry. Both girls ate it and then wanted some seconds we also had some olives randomly and a snack in the early evening

Friend's friend rang me once her DD was home with her screaming! I was completely shocked and not sure what she was talking about at first. Then she was cleared and said 'YOU GAVE RACH CHICKEN?! She is veggie!!!!! You could've damaged her stomach! She isn't use to meat'

I apologies profusely and said how sorry I was. It was a genuine mistake. She then said 'And the olives?! A choking hazard aren't they?!'

I again apologised but said I didn't realise it was wrong. I then said I won't have her again so there's no need to worry any further. She started screaming again and I hang up.

This was Sunday night. I haven't heard from my friend (who's child I know better and am actually close with). Her phone goes to VM and WhatsApp messages aren't double ticking

Was I really that Unreasonable? I really really didn't even think she could be veggie

To make matters worse, my own child has a severe disability and he doesn't eat meat. I feel so bad.

A cheese sandwich for a whole day?

I suspect she’s not as vegetarian as her mother thinks she is and will be tucking into bacon rolls from costa just as soon as she’s old enough to go out independently. I.e. on the way back from secondary.

I get that the child spending the day with a stranger might feel embarassed at saying "I can't eat that" - but the mother should have told you she is vegetarian.
Or maybe at 8 the child is old enough to make her own mind up about what she wants to eat without the rude batshit mother imposing her own ideologies.

You did NOTHING wrong. Quite the opposite, helping them both out. Of course the mother should have said she's a veggie if thats the way she reacts. She is totally out of order. Are you meant to be psychic!

She said a cheese sandwich and you made chicken curry. How does that make sense
Also if you have kids over:you always asl about allergies and dietary requirements.

Especially considering your own kid doesnt even eat meat?

I did this and the worst part of it was that the little boy, whenever he came back, kept asking me for meat!

He was 9 and his Mother had kept him vegetarian and dairy free. I knew he was those things on his first visit but when he and DD were hungry in the afternoon, i'd told them to help themselves. DD told me later that he'd eaten about five slices of turkey and had a big drink of milk.

He obviously didn't want to be non meat eating but it wasn't my place to challenge that so on subsequent visits, I kept serving things he "could" eat and later, DD would ask me for meat for him....he was obviously asking DD to ask.

I would answer "I don't think his Mum wants me to give him meat. Sort yourselves out"

Because I didn' want to deprive him! there were no allergies. It was all because of her reluctance to eat animal products. They never said they were vegan....just meat and dairy free.

@Marvellousmadness

She said a cheese sandwich and you made chicken curry. How does that make sense Also if you have kids over:you always asl about allergies and dietary requirements.

Especially considering your own kid doesnt even eat meat?

Well if someone said "Oh a cheese sandwich will do" I'd think that she was just being polite and trying to be no bother! I cook every night....I wouldn't think to make a curry and then only give the visitor a cheese sandwich!

The stupid mother should have said she was not a meat eater And you DON'T always ask about allergies...the parent should ALWAYS tell you.

Here we go. The mumsnetters and their tales of non meat eaters desperate to eat meat.

Every. Single. Time. 🤣🤣🤣

@VeganGod

Here we go. The mumsnetters and their tales of non meat eaters desperate to eat meat.

Every. Single. Time. 🤣🤣🤣

Well yeah, because it happens.

Also if you have kids over:you always asl about allergies and dietary requirements.

I always asked parents but I don’t know how common that was. Most parents seemed to ask when my kids were little but I would always mention it anyway.

Well yeah, because it happens.

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things. Yet on here the tales are always of them eating 10 bacon sandwiches or whole chickens, shovelling it in in a hurry, almost eating it raw. 😂. IF they’re doing that that then they aren’t veggie or vegan or whatever they apparently say they are. But just by the language usually used in the story or the amount of meat or whatever eaten, it doesn’t usually ring true. The stories are very funny to read.

Can you imagine how bloody awful it would be if you went to somebody's house and they were sat chowing down on a lovely meal like curry (if you like curry obv) and you were stuck with a cheese sandwich because the host decided to stick very carefully to exactly the phrase that your mother used to mean "don't make a fuss on our behalf"?

Of course you did a nice thing OP.

An 8 year old os more than capable of saying they are veggie....any chance they have told a little fib to get out of trouble and said that they told you but you insisted on chicken curry? The friends friend presumably doesn't know your DC is veggie

So the mum NEVER mentioned she's veggie?

So the mum NEVER mentioned she's veggie? hmm

Unbelievable isn’t it. 🤔

@VeganGod

Here we go. The mumsnetters and their tales of non meat eaters desperate to eat meat.

Every. Single. Time. 🤣🤣🤣

Yes, exactly this. Wtf are so many people doing this? Veggie kids aren’t desperate for meat and veggie food can be just as good/bad as meat meals.

Why the idiotic hate for vegetarians? “They were probably just dying for a bacon sarnie” arf arf “I bet she loved the chicken curry and wanted to eat it 5 times a day!”.

Firstly, people are veggie for many reasons eg religious; secondly, not every young child understands what’s veggie and what’s not, and don’t connect the meat with the actual animal. My DD’s friend was one of those at about age 7.

The mother assumed the OP knew her child was vegetarian, took OP’s question about what food to give her as a reference to the child being veggie, and said to just give her a cheese sandwich as a simple veggie meal. OP actually didn’t know child was veggie. Child either didn’t realise or was too scared/polite/hungry to say.

The moral is: assume nothing and if in doubt specify vegetarian, and never cook meat for young guests unless you’re sure they eat it. Not hard.

I bet dinner is fun at her house.

“DD told me later that he'd eaten about five slices of turkey and had a big drink of milk.”

A BIG drink of milk, no less

The poor, desperate child. Better lock your fridge next time. He might start on massive mounds of raw chicken or a humongous slab of cheddar.

Both cheeky tbh. Sounds like your friend has blocked you and Rach's mum sounds bat shit. A simple 'oh by the way, Rach is veggie' is all that was needed. Sounds like she's annoyed at herself for not mentioning it and took it out on you. Cheeky fucker

@VeganGod

Well yeah, because it happens.

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things. Yet on here the tales are always of them eating 10 bacon sandwiches or whole chickens, shovelling it in in a hurry, almost eating it raw. 😂. IF they’re doing that that then they aren’t veggie or vegan or whatever they apparently say they are. But just by the language usually used in the story or the amount of meat or whatever eaten, it doesn’t usually ring true. The stories are very funny to read.

I'm veggie and it wasn't until I was a teenager that I made the absolute connection between meat and animals. I mean I got the concept before, but as a young child I suppose it didn't hit me in the same way and I wasn't repulsed by meat; neither were any of my friends that are now veggie. Ultimately it is the mother's fault for not saying, but perhaps the child didn't realise it was meat as such, perhaps they did like it but just saw it as something we don't have at home but I enjoyed eating, perhaps they were ahead of their years and were a conscious veggie beyond living in a veggie household but felt uncomfortable saying anything. I haven't seen any threads about adult eating meat happily, just children.

@VeganGod

Well yeah, because it happens.

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things. Yet on here the tales are always of them eating 10 bacon sandwiches or whole chickens, shovelling it in in a hurry, almost eating it raw. 😂. IF they’re doing that that then they aren’t veggie or vegan or whatever they apparently say they are. But just by the language usually used in the story or the amount of meat or whatever eaten, it doesn’t usually ring true. The stories are very funny to read.

Not all veggies and vegans (who are so by choice) are repulsed by meat - I know a good few who aren't. They aren't a homogeneous group who chose their diet for the same reasons as each other. There are a number of brands/products I won't eat for ethical reasons, that doesn't mean they aren't bloody delicious or that I'm repulsed by them (some I quite miss). I was veggie for a while too, but that didn't mean I didn't sometimes miss meat. I agree every veggie/vegan I know is dedicated to it, but they are also all pretty relaxed that occasionally genuine accidents happen too. Crucially here though, it appears this DC isn't veggie by choice or need. Somebody else is trying to restrict her diet due to their own choice. Fine in their own house or out and about when they are buying the food (as long as it isn't having a detrimental effect), as the parent has a right not to have to buy or prepare meat. However, by 8 a DC knows enough to understand what meat is, their parent's view, and if they want to follow that or not when free to make their own choice. Meat isn't going to harm her. I have a 7yo and occasionally need to restrict the volume of unhealthy food, but otherwise trust her to know what she wants/likes. She fully understands what meat is and how animals go from field to plate, but chooses to eat it any way. At a restaurant, she gets given the menu to pick what she wants (as does the 5yo). There are some foods she loves that I strongly dislike, but it would never occur to me to stop her eating them.

@BreatheAndFocus

Why did you cook lunch? Perhaps the confusion was the mum expected you to just give them a lunch of sandwich, crisps, fruit and so specified a cheese sandwich not imagining you’d be cooking a whole meal.

She shouldn’t have shouted at you but perhaps she also assumed the other mum had told you, and you knew yet gave her chicken.

I always ask “Is there anything he/she doesn’t eat?” That way I feel happier that I won’t break dietary choices. Similar to your question but more specific.

The mums were away at a wedding - I am sure they had more than a cheese sandwich in that timeframe!

@breatheAndFocus - majority of people do eat meat and people should presume their guests eat meat unless specified otherwise. The girl is 8, she was told it is chicken, she asked for seconds so she clearly enjoyed it. She is old enough to decide if she wants to eat meat. Absolutely no issues with anyone audult making the decision to become vegan or any other dietary restrictions. 8 yo child who actively wants to eat meat and their parents restrict it is not in any way right way to parent.

YANBU. Of course the mother should have told you she was veggie. And the olives thing is just her finding another stick to beat you with. She's rude and ungrateful. Fuck her.
If your 'friend' isn't speaking to you over this, fuck her too.

@VeganGod

Well yeah, because it happens.

I have never ever met a vegetarian or vegan that isn’t repulsed by the things they don’t eat or at least very dedicated to not eating those things. Yet on here the tales are always of them eating 10 bacon sandwiches or whole chickens, shovelling it in in a hurry, almost eating it raw. 😂. IF they’re doing that that then they aren’t veggie or vegan or whatever they apparently say they are. But just by the language usually used in the story or the amount of meat or whatever eaten, it doesn’t usually ring true. The stories are very funny to read.

Kids do tend to want things they can't have though, so I would well believe that some kids may want to try sausages etc if their parents aren't allowing them to. Kids won't be naturally repulsed by the idea unless their parents are making them that way with forcing their opinions on the kids.

Same with kids who aren't allowed juice or sweets or whatever. My DD wasn't allowed sweets and had her first encounter at a party, she sat by the sweet bowl the whole bloody time, dipping in. I was so embarrassed. I became a bit less strict after that!