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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

466 replies

BlingLoving · 04/04/2022 10:38

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

OP posts:
Pigtailsandall · 04/04/2022 19:33

Uniforms - I grew up in a country that didn't have school uniforms. Sure, in secondary school some kids had super-fancy gear but tbh it wasn't as big a deal or driving inequality gaps in the way people in Britain always think when they stand up for school uniforms. Mostly it wasn't a big deal. My mum used to get me a few "nicer" school clothes every year and I wasn't allowed to do sports or anything messy in them. To me, they uniforms looks scratchy, made of cheap materials, incredibly drab. Who wants their 4-year old in navy and grey? Like they're being already assimilated to workforce in some odd, Orwellian manner, signalling that they need to look alike and conform in order to progress in life

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 04/04/2022 19:35

Ahahaha

If I don't follow my school's policy I'll be put on capability and will be out of a job.

The incredibly condescending, ignorant attitude towards teachers on mumsnet is just baffling.

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 04/04/2022 19:37

@Pumperthepumper you are pissing me off now. Please tell me more about this utopia where you work. It must be fabulous to choose exactly what you teach and when, how you assess children, designing your own behaviour management system. Please share more

Pumperthepumper · 04/04/2022 19:37

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

Ahahaha

If I don't follow my school's policy I'll be put on capability and will be out of a job.

The incredibly condescending, ignorant attitude towards teachers on mumsnet is just baffling.

You’ll be sacked outright for not following policy? Just, clear your desk and leave?
Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 04/04/2022 19:38

What? Are you actually employed as a main scale teacher in the UK?

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 04/04/2022 19:38

In the state sector?

Pumperthepumper · 04/04/2022 19:38

[quote Invasionofthegutsnatchers]@Pumperthepumper you are pissing me off now. Please tell me more about this utopia where you work. It must be fabulous to choose exactly what you teach and when, how you assess children, designing your own behaviour management system. Please share more[/quote]
You were pissed off from the minute you tagged me in this thread because you wanted people to cry over how hard you work and how nobody appreciates you. Too bad, teaching is hard and it’s relentless but nobody is making you do it. If you’re struggling so much, leave and let someone else take your place. But the problems in teaching will not be solved by people like you.

Pumperthepumper · 04/04/2022 19:39

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

What? Are you actually employed as a main scale teacher in the UK?
Yes, state sector, UK.
ldontWanna · 04/04/2022 19:40

@mortarandpestles7

Of course we do! That's a big part of our job! A child who tunes in regularly unkempt, matted hair and malodorous with a box of mini muffins for lunch screams a form of neglect. A child who is clean, well groomed, homework done to a high standard and checked regularly, does not raise alarm bells. Having said that , behaviour is the biggest indicator of any issues.
Your first statement is hit and miss,but definitely something to look for and assess if all that's needed is support or something more.

Your second is a safeguarding failure. Abuse takes many forms and assuming all is good based on the kid's appearance and their homework is dangerous.

Your last statement is very accurate.

ldontWanna · 04/04/2022 19:41

@Pigtailsandall

Uniforms - I grew up in a country that didn't have school uniforms. Sure, in secondary school some kids had super-fancy gear but tbh it wasn't as big a deal or driving inequality gaps in the way people in Britain always think when they stand up for school uniforms. Mostly it wasn't a big deal. My mum used to get me a few "nicer" school clothes every year and I wasn't allowed to do sports or anything messy in them. To me, they uniforms looks scratchy, made of cheap materials, incredibly drab. Who wants their 4-year old in navy and grey? Like they're being already assimilated to workforce in some odd, Orwellian manner, signalling that they need to look alike and conform in order to progress in life
I dream of navy and grey. Try chick yellow and brown. Envy(not envy)
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/04/2022 19:41

This is a fantastic idea, just those little coloured sticky dots might be enough!

PlainJaneEyre · 04/04/2022 19:44

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

Ahahaha

If I don't follow my school's policy I'll be put on capability and will be out of a job.

The incredibly condescending, ignorant attitude towards teachers on mumsnet is just baffling.

Everyone ( allegedly) has been in a classroom at some point so they are all experts.
Yerroblemom1923 · 04/04/2022 19:45

@godmum56 it might be horrible, but it's true. People DO judge on names and you're stuck with a name for life. This is why I'm always incredulous at some of the names parents burden their kids with. Not only are they disadvantaged from the start but will take that name into employment etc etc
I honestly think giving kids funny names is not helpful eg Chardonnay, Something-Mae, Jayden, Nevaeh etc (you get the picture)

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 04/04/2022 19:46

I'm not leaving because I'm bloody good at it and I love teaching. I feel frustrated with the restrictions I have to work under in my current high performing school. Mainly because SLT have never encountered the issues with poor parenting, SEN and speech and language until now so are pushing their insecurities onto us. There is very little support and all the responsibility for getting our classes to meet the unrealistic standards they set is on us. Maybe in your school you have the freedom to make choices about curriculum, assessment, behaviour to give your kids the best chances but we don't. I'm venting here because I need to behave at work in order to have a job to go to tomorrow! Your haughty attitude is pathetic. We are all working hard and not all schools are like yours. Leaving isn't easy when you have bills to pay

mathanxiety · 04/04/2022 19:47

It boggles my mind that a country where there is an aristocracy, an unelected House of Lords, and a vast chasm separating the lifestyles of rich and poor, and a vast disparity of facilities and expectations among schools, the lie of equality is perpetuated in schools via uniforms, and everyone seems to accept that this lie is a good thing.

It's also incredible that the experience of countries where schools don't have uniforms seems to be completely dismissed.

Pumperthepumper · 04/04/2022 19:48

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

I'm not leaving because I'm bloody good at it and I love teaching. I feel frustrated with the restrictions I have to work under in my current high performing school. Mainly because SLT have never encountered the issues with poor parenting, SEN and speech and language until now so are pushing their insecurities onto us. There is very little support and all the responsibility for getting our classes to meet the unrealistic standards they set is on us. Maybe in your school you have the freedom to make choices about curriculum, assessment, behaviour to give your kids the best chances but we don't. I'm venting here because I need to behave at work in order to have a job to go to tomorrow! Your haughty attitude is pathetic. We are all working hard and not all schools are like yours. Leaving isn't easy when you have bills to pay
No, sure, your love for your job really shines through. That at your shitty attitude at a fellow professional who has worked very hard to get to this position.
Giraffesandbottoms · 04/04/2022 19:50

Uniforms aren’t only there because of equality; wearing a different and specific set of clothing to a school environment has an effect on learning. The same way that many people working from home work more productively wearing actual clothes rather than pyjamas. It’s also smarter, makes children easier to identify on school trips and stops people from sending their children in in godawful outfits like head to toe Burberry etc.

MasterGland · 04/04/2022 19:55

Humans make judgements and assumptions about others all the time. We can't help it. In teaching you are bombarded by stimuli; verbal interaction, body language, physical appearance, all while trying to actually teach. There is so much "noise", I find that I try to ignore as much as I can, aside from those things that really do require my attention. So, I would say I have learnt not to make many judgements as time has gone on. It is something you have to consciously work on, as it is contrary to our nature.

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 04/04/2022 19:56

@Pumperthepumper 🤣

ldontWanna · 04/04/2022 19:57

[quote Yerroblemom1923]@godmum56 it might be horrible, but it's true. People DO judge on names and you're stuck with a name for life. This is why I'm always incredulous at some of the names parents burden their kids with. Not only are they disadvantaged from the start but will take that name into employment etc etc
I honestly think giving kids funny names is not helpful eg Chardonnay, Something-Mae, Jayden, Nevaeh etc (you get the picture)[/quote]
Shitty people judge based on a name.

Even shittier people judge the child based on their name.

As an aside some of my favourite students have been Jaydens(with various spellings) or Something-Mae's or other names that people sneer at on here.

The ones I struggled with the most have been Williams,Jameses , Charleses ,Olivias , Amelies,Melissas etc. I still don't groan when I hear any of those names because the name is irrelevant.

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 04/04/2022 20:01

What do " fuck me" me boots look like?? 😳

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 04/04/2022 20:04

@JoyLurking9to5

Most teachers smart enough not to judge openly as they're open to being judged too.

Miss Mcxxxxx those fuck me boots, really.
Mr Cxxxxxxxx an apostrophe in the word trainers?
Ms Gxxxxxxx pregnant AGAIN

Can someone enlighten me on what " fuck me" boots look like. Because all I can imagine is a dominatrix. 😁
Pumperthepumper · 04/04/2022 20:05

I googled it, and dominatrix is about right.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/04/2022 20:07

@BlingLoving

I’m sure you know but lots of parents in this situation have a pencil case at home for homework and a school one which never leaves their bag outside of the classroom.

NO, I did not know that and frankly, that's GENIUS. As it's never come up because at primary everything is provided, I hadn't even thought of that. But it's a really good idea. Thank you. DS, bless him, told me that he thinks he'll just carry ALL his books for the school day as he knows he's going to struggle with getting Book A and Book B for periods 1 and 2 and then book C and D for Periods 3 and 4 after break etc.

This is the solution one of mine has chosen. It works.
AnAverageMum · 04/04/2022 20:09

I have 3 children, my eldest is in reception. She goes to a good school, shirt, blazer, tie etc. I don’t ALWAYS iron her shirt 9/10 but when I don’t have time I definitely feel like I’ll/she’ll be judged for creases.

She’s also the messiest kid in the world so always has stained shirts! They’re clean/white but paint stains etc… I’m not going to buy new every month, economically it would be insane.

I also don’t read the book she brings home with her often. We read a book or more than one every single night at bedtime but normally I forget totally about the book bag book. I’m completely devoted to my children and love them endlessly.

So uniform + reading the books I don’t think necessarily are the greatest indication of neglect. 🤷🏼‍♀️