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Original poster

Western men fat phobia!

252 replies

rosieej · 04/04/2022 08:24

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'Hmm(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! HmmGrineven women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

OP posts:
Tidlo · 04/04/2022 08:27

It's A LOT, not ALOT

StCharlotte · 04/04/2022 08:31

I haven't experienced fat phobia in the UK but yes, on holiday in Tunisia as a pale size 18 in my 20s, I was revered like Marilyn Monroe!

When I went topless it nearly caused a major incident and I hold the memory of that trip close to my heart when I see my middle-aged reflection now Smile

Morocco in my 50s? Invisible.

SniggleSnarf · 04/04/2022 08:35

@Tidlo

It's A LOT, not ALOT
I love your enthusiasm
Ponoka7 · 04/04/2022 08:37

It's socialisation. The media created an ideal and that's what men then wanted. We want the things we do because they are cleverly sold to us.

"Morocco in my 50s? Invisible." Really? That's surprising. I've found that unfortunately the street harassment hasn't stopped.

Jonny1265 · 04/04/2022 08:38

I don't think it's a phobia. Being overweight can cause a multitude of health complications and limit activity. I'm quite active and would like my partner to be able to do some of the things I like doing. I'd also like to live a long and happy life with my partner which includes looking after ourselves physically.

VashtaNerada · 04/04/2022 08:40

Being underweight causes a multitude of health problems too @Jonny1265 but is treated differently in the West. It’s not just about health.

Lockheart · 04/04/2022 08:44

I really hate the word "fatphobia". It's trying to tag onto the same language as serious discriminatory issues like homophobia. It's not the same thing in any way.

MiniTheMinx · 04/04/2022 08:45

Having a preference and having a phobia are not the same thing.

summersounds · 04/04/2022 08:46

Iv actually had "slim phobia" in the u.k - when I was younger I was a size 8 with E cup boobs - as I lived and socialised in part of London where they was a lot of ethnic men like black - mixed black, Mediterranean etc I was told I needed to "fatten up" and that i need to do squats for my small bum ! Also a South American mixed black guy told me I'm very pretty but "I need to eat" lol - there where some ethnic men (Indian origin) who did like my type of body and some white English men too. I went through a stage thinking my body wasn't good enough and I should have a pear shape body - like my friend did who was seem more attractive than me.
Different cultures like different body times I don't think the west are wrong and overweight isn't healthy and can be dangerous health wise.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/04/2022 08:50

There is no such thing as fatphobia. People not fancying you isn't phobic.
To answer your question about why the social construct of sexually attractive bodies varies across the world it's due to many factors, wealth, privilege, attitudes to work and exercise, what denotes status etc.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 04/04/2022 08:50

Christ alive

Can we not do better than rating ourselves over how men in the street view our bodies???

darlingdodo · 04/04/2022 08:50

I don't know that being perved at by men in that manner is something to be happy about. Egypt is generally not a country renowned for respectful treatment of women on the street.

Chikapu · 04/04/2022 08:50

It's really not a phobia.

UnvarnishedTruth · 04/04/2022 08:50

It's not a phobia, it's a preference.

Imagine how ridiculous you'd sound if you'd written "Why do some women have a short phobia?"

Deux · 04/04/2022 08:51

I wonder if some of it is connected to the idea that to be fat means you have ample money for food and lots of it. It doesn’t really apply in the west.

Just musing really. I used to live overseas and the locals would tut-tut at my slimness and suggest my DH was withholding money and food. I was asked why I wasn’t fat. To be fat meant you were wealthy and had lots of food.

RealBecca · 04/04/2022 08:54

I wouldn't want to be stopped for objective 'compliments' like that anywhere.

And as long as people dont verbally abuse each other that's good enough.

Not fancying "fat" people isnt fat-phobia, ny more than not fanying women is sexist. Uou cant police what people find attractive.

Bagelsandbrie · 04/04/2022 08:55

@Deux

I wonder if some of it is connected to the idea that to be fat means you have ample money for food and lots of it. It doesn’t really apply in the west.

Just musing really. I used to live overseas and the locals would tut-tut at my slimness and suggest my DH was withholding money and food. I was asked why I wasn’t fat. To be fat meant you were wealthy and had lots of food.

I think this is an interesting comment. And it’s certainly something I’ve noticed before when travelling. In the U.K. we tend to assume the opposite- ie people that are slim are wealthy enough to afford to eat healthily and pay for personal trainers etc etc. Being slim is often associated with being wealthy in the western world.
felulageller · 04/04/2022 08:56

There is such a thing as fatphobia.

I've been slim, obese and everything between. People massively discriminate against you for being obese. I didn't realise how bad this was until I lost a lot of weight.

middleager · 04/04/2022 08:58

A bizarre post.

Being vastly overweight and unfit (as I am) is not something to be celebrated or to be chastised. It's personal, private.

Why on earth do you want randoms commenting either way? Validation comes from within, surely, not what a bunch of men think.

Shurl · 04/04/2022 08:59

It's not a phobia to find someone less attractive.

Nor is it just directed at women, many women don't find fat men attractive either.

Equally with 28% if the UK adult population obese (and a further 36% overweight), it can't be true that UK society has a phobia about fat people, can it?

However, those numbers are a serious public health crisis and as a society we need to understand why and tackle it. It's not about blaming individuals, the figures are too high for that, there is obviously a societal systemic issue in the UK

Fairisleflora · 04/04/2022 08:59

As above, fat = rich in many countries where as here, where most can afford food but healthy food is expensive the opposite is true. fat = poor.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 08:59

I don't skinny men. Plenty of people do. It's not a phobia.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 09:00

Ha, I don't fancy skinny men

SpilltheTea · 04/04/2022 09:00

Why do you care what men think?

starcluster · 04/04/2022 09:00

@summersounds

Iv actually had "slim phobia" in the u.k - when I was younger I was a size 8 with E cup boobs - as I lived and socialised in part of London where they was a lot of ethnic men like black - mixed black, Mediterranean etc I was told I needed to "fatten up" and that i need to do squats for my small bum ! Also a South American mixed black guy told me I'm very pretty but "I need to eat" lol - there where some ethnic men (Indian origin) who did like my type of body and some white English men too. I went through a stage thinking my body wasn't good enough and I should have a pear shape body - like my friend did who was seem more attractive than me. Different cultures like different body times I don't think the west are wrong and overweight isn't healthy and can be dangerous health wise.
Me too, also shamed for being skinny (non-white). Also, no grown woman should be basing their self worth off of many heckling them on the street. They do that to every woman they see, hoping one is gullible enough to fall for it. Comments on your oft by random are never a genuine compliment.
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