Western men fat phobia!

[rosieej]

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! even women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

Weight/looks etc is all completely relative. When I was thin - yes I got a lot more attention/respect and I’m in London. However my DP is what people would refer to as skinny and I’m obese - he fancies the fuck out of me, and I him.
I don’t fancy obese men. Just as I don’t fancy bald men or short men under 5ft5. So really we all have preferences don’t we. It’s true though that some cultures are socially constructed to like certain types of women be it large/skinny etc and so on.

people are holding up morocco and Egypt as examples of how men there are better than men here? Have you seen how native women are treated there? Did you know marital rape is still legal in Egypt, lebanon and morocco? All the stories of how visiting women are stared at, followed, touched, sexually assaulted and raped?

This idea that sexual harassment (being stared at, touched, comments made) is flattering whatever size you are is baffling to me.

I don’t find fat men attractive. That’s not fat phobic.

But I also don’t like the way I look if I gain weight so I work to stay at a size 10.

It’s fine to find slimmer people attractive. And in 99% of cases it’s healthier not to be overweight too 🤷‍♀️

Because until recently most of Western fashion was dictated by gay men who wanted to dress their own image - no hips or tits. That set the standard and it’s been riven through western beauty ideals ever since.

If I were to guess it's because in poorer countries being seen as fat means you're more affluent aka can afford food. Just like in England in the ancient times only the rich were obese so obesity was seen as attractive.

Personally I've been complimented by a few people despite being fat. If you have nice hair, eyes, face etc you'll tend to get complimented irrespective.

I do feel for men though as heavier set men are rarely ever told how attractive they are whereas women who are overweight will get complimented fairly often.

It’s a cultural thing and it’s not just western men. Western women aren’t crazy about men being fat either, unless you’ve grown older and fatter together.

Cultural differences, innit.

I hate to hold Naked Attraction up as a model, but I find it interesting that very many of the female bodies are not the slim toned media-popular figure, and that men often get very enthusiastic over curves on display. Big tummies, bums, thighs never seem a turn off to the slavering men.

However peer pressure etc undoubtedly play their part.

You do not get to decide what fatphobia is.

Its also not the same to be skinny shamed.

Why do you get to decide how bad it is to be skinny shamed?

And it is slim that is revered as ideal, not skinny (which suggests underweight), but plenty of, presumably fat, people think it's ok to call people who are slim skinny.

@Butteryflakycrust83

BMI in itself is racist.

Its also not the same to be skinny shamed. Because your body type is still revered as the ideal, you can still shop everywhere, society is set up for your benefit.

Is it horrible? Absolutely, no one should comment on anothers body because its no one elses business. Is it the same as fat shaming? Absolutely not.

The idea that skinny is revered outside of the fashion industry is a myth. And even within it its only revered when accompanied by a face that is beautiful, or at the least, on trend, great hair, a proportioned body shape, and height. An underweight women is never revered simply on the basis of her weight. Unless she is pretty and has an attractive body shape she is as invisible as an overweight one, and also likely to encounter insults about her appearance if her thinness is extreme. Society is set up for people who fit within certain parameters. Outliers at either end face similar problems.

Are you white? If so that has more to do with it. In a lot of the resorts in the middle east men are poor and see marrying a white woman as a ticket to fianancial security for themselves and their families. And men aren’t particularly picky. I don’t look white and have been to all the countries mentioned by the OP and in subsequent posts & there definitely is fat phobia to non-white women in those countries. When I was a size 10 I got told I needed to lose weight in Morrocco & that it wasn’t healthy, yet my size 24 white friend was revered. Then when these guys found out I was British the charm offensive dialled up

Makes sense really. People prize things that are hard to attain. When/where food is abundant, that's being skinny. In scarce environments being fat is a prize because it's quite hard. To attain. Rubens was painting wealth...

Maybe western men are more away of what's healthier and therefore more attractive? I wouldn't take notice of any man that makes comments in public about your body, positive or negative.

@Cherryblossoms85

Makes sense really. People prize things that are hard to attain. When/where food is abundant, that's being skinny. In scarce environments being fat is a prize because it's quite hard. To attain. Rubens was painting wealth...

That isn’t true. Being a size 4-8 is still considered ideal in most parts of India. You do see women bigger than this but locals definitely consider them unhealthy even in small villages.

My friend’s wife is from Africa and she’s horrified by my skinny Dd (teenager who is a beanpole size 4) because in her culture skinny means poverty. Big means wealth as you can afford food. It’s fascinating.

I recently saw a porn clip (year 9 but sent some to Dd - separate issue and school has been fab, all dealt with) but the girls were all really skinny with no folds when they bent over until one described as “larger girl…” I mean, she was possibly a size 10! This is what western men are told they should find attractive.

I commented on a show we were watching last night that a woman always looked beautiful in all clothes because they just hung off her wonderfully and I would love to be like that (but also like cake). Dh’s comment was “huh? She looks gaunt and unwell… do you really think that’s the body to aim for?” I realise that pressure is something I put on myself from society not dh. I’m a curvy size 12 but bmi says I’m over weight which really gets in my brain.

@rosieej "I know it's not a phobia"

You used the word multiple times in your original post, including the title.

If you didn't want to focus on that, maybe write more clearly next time?

"What I mean is why do western men seem to find bigger women less attractive than middle eastern men do?"

www.google.com/search?q=cultural%20expectations%20weight

I guess cultural elements play a part on a social level of what's deemed as attractive and this will affect personal preferences. I don't find men overweight attractive, and I didn't like being overweight myself either- but I don't treat people differently because of what they weigh beyond sexual attraction. If he put on a substantial amount of weight I'd still love him but probably wouldn't feel as sexually attracted and that's just being honest albeit I know it's shallow. The media's projection of beauty is still very much slim and airbrushed which I don't think is healthy, nor are the 'healthy at any size' body positivity messages all over social media. Everyone should be respected and feel comfortable whatever their body looks like, but it should be acknowledged that being very overweight or very underweight is not healthy.

Also hate the term 'fatphobia' it sounds ridiculous.

Ideal male shape in 19 countries.
Egypt is well hot.
What is it with Nigeria man's small head, eek!!
Most of them are pudgy, especially serbia & spain.

Female equivalent. Spain & Venezuela are the chunkiest. Is Spain not a 'Western' country now?

@Rosieej

Lord, give me patience. I know it's not a phobia, im just using that word that's been thrown around instagram all the time. What I mean is why do western men seem to find bigger women less attractive than middle eastern men do?

And the amount of times I have been mocked for being fat in the west compared to the East.

What I mean is why do western men seem to find bigger women less attractive than middle eastern men do?

When you say 'bigger', if you mean 'fat' then you'll find that most women aren't initially attracted to fat men either. And if you didn't mean 'phobia' you probably shouldn't have said it.

I don't like asparagus soup but I'm not scared of it...

ps: China scary too thin, arms I mean

@InkySquid
It wouldn't surprise me if in places like Egypt some men target overweight women in the same way as 25 year old bartenders 'fall in love' with 50 year old women who've gone on holiday.
This was my immediate thought too.

As a size 18 myself, I hate to admit it but I don’t fancy fat guys — it’s not a phobia, just a preference. To be honest as I am now 60 I don’t really care these days if guys fancy me or not- although I do dress well and look younger.

@NeedAHoliday2021

My friend’s wife is from Africa and she’s horrified by my skinny Dd (teenager who is a beanpole size 4) because in her culture skinny means poverty. Big means wealth as you can afford food. It’s fascinating.

I recently saw a porn clip (year 9 but sent some to Dd - separate issue and school has been fab, all dealt with) but the girls were all really skinny with no folds when they bent over until one described as “larger girl…” I mean, she was possibly a size 10! This is what western men are told they should find attractive.

I commented on a show we were watching last night that a woman always looked beautiful in all clothes because they just hung off her wonderfully and I would love to be like that (but also like cake). Dh’s comment was “huh? She looks gaunt and unwell… do you really think that’s the body to aim for?” I realise that pressure is something I put on myself from society not dh. I’m a curvy size 12 but bmi says I’m over weight which really gets in my brain.

Africa’s a big place. My family is from five countries across East Africa and let me tell you now that any girl or woman over a size 8-10 is definitely considered fat across all of these countries (across all races). In Nigeria / South Africa too, wealthy men will not marry ‘fat’ women (usually over a size 10-12). Times are changing

Untrue. Time and time again, fat people are discriminated against because of their body type in all areas of society. Recruiters are less likely to hire a fat person based on their own personal prejudice on fat bodies. Fat people are denied healthcare. Its a systematic prejudice that does NOT exist in the same way for fat people.