Page 6 | Western men fat phobia!

DownNative · 04/04/2022 11:28

@rosieej

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! even women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

Perhaps those countries have a culture where overweight equates to wealth? After all, only those with money could typically overindulge in food and put weight on.

There's a reason why developed countries have an increasingly obese population whereas less developed countries don't tend to.

Rainbunny · 04/04/2022 11:30

It's not a phobia, just a preference. It's not a carefully considered philosophical position either, it's just what our eyes like looking at.

Personally I don't like fat men or really skinny men. No offense to them, it's just my taste.

Watercoloursky · 04/04/2022 11:30

@lljkk

Ideal male shape in 19 countries. Egypt is well hot. What is it with Nigeria man's small head, eek!! Most of them are pudgy, especially serbia & spain.

Female equivalent. Spain & Venezuela are the chunkiest. Is Spain not a 'Western' country now?

Totally missing the point here, but I'm fascinated to compare where they've also updated what the model is wearing! The man from Bangladesh has had his shorts changed to a more colourful pair, and they've put boots on the woman from the Netherlands...

FrecklesMalone · 04/04/2022 11:30

@NightmareSlashDelightful

Christ alive

Can we not do better than rating ourselves over how men in the street view our bodies???

This times 100x The sort of men that actually says something to you about your body, good or bad, can fuck right off.

Maireas · 04/04/2022 11:35

@Rainbunny

It's not a phobia, just a preference. It's not a carefully considered philosophical position either, it's just what our eyes like looking at.

Personally I don't like fat men or really skinny men. No offense to them, it's just my taste.

and I'm sure you don't holler your preference at them in the street!

Eeksteek · 04/04/2022 11:36

I think the issue that women are constantly valued on how they look, not what they achieve. (And to some extent on how they feel, not what they think)

Imagine the dent in the economy if women suddenly became comfortable with their bodies just as they are, and who would lose out from that. It’s part of the fabric of patriarchal society to keep women anxious and insecure and distract them from their intrinsic worth and using (or exploiting) their power as a limited resource. Pity, really.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 04/04/2022 11:37

@Eeksteek

I think the issue that women are constantly valued on how they look, not what they achieve. (And to some extent on how they feel, not what they think)

Imagine the dent in the economy if women suddenly became comfortable with their bodies just as they are, and who would lose out from that. It’s part of the fabric of patriarchal society to keep women anxious and insecure and distract them from their intrinsic worth and using (or exploiting) their power as a limited resource. Pity, really.

This!

I love the saying 'When you feel bad about something on your body, ask yourself who is profiting from you feeling that way.'

LBFseBrom · 04/04/2022 11:41

Some men like big women, others like slim ones. That's just life. I'm sure you have your share of admirers, op, so why worry? As long as you are not unhealthily fat, it's not that important.

Maireas · 04/04/2022 11:46

Exactly. Sexual assaults against women happen irrespective of body type.

Maireas · 04/04/2022 11:48

That was in agreement with @Butteryflakycrusty83

Patchbatch · 04/04/2022 11:48

@Eeksteek

I think the issue that women are constantly valued on how they look, not what they achieve. (And to some extent on how they feel, not what they think)

Imagine the dent in the economy if women suddenly became comfortable with their bodies just as they are, and who would lose out from that. It’s part of the fabric of patriarchal society to keep women anxious and insecure and distract them from their intrinsic worth and using (or exploiting) their power as a limited resource. Pity, really.

Yet there are lots of successful, aspirational and incredible women who haven't let their weight consume them. Companies probably profit from people being fat and buying/consuming excess food as much as the diet industry does.

CatsArePeople · 04/04/2022 11:54

What a bizarre thread.

phizog · 04/04/2022 11:55

I find that in a lot of countries where being a bigger woman is the beauty standard (and I grew up in a country like this) - it's because women are seen to only be vessels of birth. So a body shape is deemed attractive based on child bearing hips or any indication a woman has the resources to bear many many many children. Women's health isn't given any importance, they aren't encouraged to be active or exercise or even comfortable.

These same men who compliment you, once you're in a relationship will use your weight to control you .Because one thing is global - predatory men can sense out women insecure about their bodies from a mile off and know exactly how to reel them in. The more you think about you weight (and you obv are to have started a thread) - the more vulnerable you become.

YingMei · 04/04/2022 11:56

I don't fancy overweight men. It's not a phobia though, it's my preference.

OMG12 · 04/04/2022 11:58

I had a similar thought last night watching a programme with Ruth and Eamon about Monte Carlo All the men were old, messy hair, big bellies and big wallets, surrounded by glamorous skinny women most of whom obviously had their plastic surgeon on speed dial. Ruth and Eamon reflect this to a certain extent. Ruth is gorgeous, Eamon less so.

I think it’s often to do with how women are seen. We are getting there with work and education but having these high standards of looking young,beautiful, skinny and physically weaker still gives men a sense of power over women.

etulosba · 04/04/2022 11:58

I recently saw a porn clip (year 9 but sent some to Dd - separate issue and school has been fab, all dealt with) but the girls were all really skinny with no folds when they bent over until one described as “larger girl…” I mean, she was possibly a size 10! This is what western men are told they should find attractive.

I doubt porn producers have any interest in telling men what they should, or should not, find attractive. They make porn to make money. To do that, people have to want to buy it. It's more likely that the performers they use reflect their customers preferences, not dictate them.

Selma22 · 04/04/2022 11:59

Its not a fat phobia.We are allowed to find attractive people who will be able to give us healthiest offspring. Attraction is based on that.There are plenty of health problems that come with being overweight not even talking about being pregnant and overweight

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/04/2022 12:00

@Jonny1265

I don't think it's a phobia. Being overweight can cause a multitude of health complications and limit activity. I'm quite active and would like my partner to be able to do some of the things I like doing. I'd also like to live a long and happy life with my partner which includes looking after ourselves physically.

Absolute ROFL at the ‘we just care about your health’.

It’s fine to have a preference, you can just say that. I’m not especially attracted to fat men tbh.

nettie434 · 04/04/2022 12:00

Anyone who has any doubts that fat phobia exists just needs to read one of these threads on Mumsnet and all the references to 'disgusting' 'out of control' etc.

While fat phobia is not the same as racism and homophobia in the sense that fat people are not denied civil rights, get unjustly imprisoned or face physical attacks, the more covert forms of discrimination, such as not giving someone a particular job or bullying at school or in the workplace do exist.

There is a blurring between personal preferences about attractiveness and phobia because of preferences are influenced by what we see in the media, in advertising etc. This is strongly influenced by culture and different historical periods. The way things are going a fat woman in a t shirt will be looked on more favourably because of her perceived wealth than her slim counterparts wrapped in hoodies and wearing thermals

SucculentChalice · 04/04/2022 12:00

How are you managing to distinguish between cultural and legal differences with regards to womens' rights not to be harassed in the street in different continents?

I would personally consider it a plus for random men not to come up to me on the street and make comments about my appearance, and I'm glad to hear Ireland is as you describe and would be much happier visiting it than the other countries you describe.

As a second point, who cares what random men think about how you look? Why on earth are you so invested in this? If you're interested in dating as opposed to random comments from strangers, then I'm sure you must have noticed that there are many, many women your size and bigger happily married and in relationships in the streets. Wanting to be worshipped like Marilyn Monroe is pretty unrealistic no matter what size you are.

FWIW I used to do catalogue and sports modelling and when I presented as what you would probably describe as a stereotypical blond Western ideal, I got way less attention than when I was a little bit more scruffily dressed and had my hair short and brown and needing to diet. Men approached me way more often or would strike up conversations with me when I looked like the latter.

I'd like to thank all the men out there who don't pester women in the street though, and please let it continue as not all of us judge our value by it!

5128gap · 04/04/2022 12:01

I don't think fat shaming is a substitute for the term fatphobia. It's a different thing, with the former often arising from the latter, as far as women are concerned anyway ( male motives i think are different). Other women's weight does not impact our own lives (other than the extremely tenuous link people make to resources expended on health issues) yet people have extremely strong negative views on the subject. If someone can come up with an alternative reason for the disgust and hatred of fatness in other women, I'd be interested to hear it. But in the absence of that, I'm inclined to think that much like the views on aging also expressed on this thread, it's motivated at some level by fear and an effort to distance from what is feared.

FarangGirl · 04/04/2022 12:02

Be glad you don't live in Thailand then.

Not just fat phobia but Western women seem to be almost invisible sexuality wise.

I don't mind personally. Quite nice not to be objectified but sadly it's not because of some post-feminist utopia.

Bunty55 · 04/04/2022 12:02

@rosieej

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! even women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

So many things about this post which I find annoying and unacceptable I don't know where to begin. Since when did men in the street define how you feel about yourself? Really? Is this a made up post by someone wanting to create an argument out of nothing? ...Or am I going bonkers again on a Monday morning ? ?

SVRT19674 · 04/04/2022 12:03

I understand you mean curvier figures, not fat. In the very old days if you had to choose a bride one was thin and the other curvier, you would choose the curvier as she would have been considered healthier and more fertile. I remember the older ladies describing a thin young woman as "dry" (seca, in Spanish) no meat on her, probably bad quality eggs for producing babies. Also if your hips were narrow, bad for giving birth. Wide hips and curvy figure was the be all and end all. That went out of the window decades ago!

gingerhills · 04/04/2022 12:09

@felulageller

There is such a thing as fatphobia.

I've been slim, obese and everything between. People massively discriminate against you for being obese. I didn't realise how bad this was until I lost a lot of weight.

I agree. The people being dismissive of it won;t have experienced it. I was briefly very overweight, as opposed to a but chubby. I had people glare at me for taking up too much room on public transport. I frequently got looked through as if invisible while waiting to be served in shops or at bars. I lost weight, back into the 'a bit overweight' category and instantly became an acceptable member of society again. The couple of years I spent 'very overweight' having been healthy BMI all my life were really instructive. Fat discrimination exists everywhere and fat people can call it phobia if they choose. They are the ones on the receiving end of it.