Western men fat phobia!

[rosieej]

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! even women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

It wouldn't surprise me if in places like Egypt some men target overweight women in the same way as 25 year old bartenders 'fall in love' with 50 year old women who've gone on holiday

maddening

I think you are right. Being seriously under weight poses a more immediate risk than being over weight.

There is a history. I used to wonder why all of Ruben's women were very pale and curvy.

"The comedian Dawn French has, self-deprecatingly, joked: ‘If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? She’d have been the paintbrush."

It depends on material social forces firstly, and secondly on cultural and ideological forces. I think also there is an element of virtue. In a society of abundance its seen as a virtue to have self control, I'm guessing that this may have something to do with how Christianity is inbedded into Western thought. Gluttony is seen as a sin.

@Rosieej

Lord, give me patience. I know it's not a phobia, im just using that word that's been thrown around instagram all the time. What I mean is why do western men seem to find bigger women less attractive than middle eastern men do?

And the amount of times I have been mocked for being fat in the west compared to the East.

One of the things that has always been a negative about travelling to middle eastern countries for unaccompanied women, has been the unsolicited comments/sexual harassment from the local men, but bizarrely you seem to welcome it.

@InkySquid

It wouldn't surprise me if in places like Egypt some men target overweight women in the same way as 25 year old bartenders 'fall in love' with 50 year old women who've gone on holiday

Very good point

It's less to do with ideals and attraction, and more to do with power and entitlement. Why are these men commenting/shouting/judging?
It's not like in the course of a relationship when a man says that his personal preference is larger women.

It's cultural standards of the time and it changes constantly.
Look at England.
1920s boyish figure during the flapper period
onto 40 and 50 and 36-24-36 Marilyn Monroe body was in
sixties was skinny aka twiggy
70's still slim but everyone is obsessed with flat bums and not having a big bum
The 80s toned was the goal aka Jane Fonda
90's grunge and heroin chic
2000 back to skinny and tanned
Now the look is big boobs and bum but a small waist, along with plumped lips and big eyebrows. kind of blow-up doll look.
Once we're all starving again because of the cost of living. Looking plump and healthy might actually come back in style. Proves you can afford to eat.

I always wonder where "average" women fit on these extremes.

Are we the most invisible? Not fat enough OR thin enough?

Also since when has preference been "phobic"? This constant use of incorrect words to make perfectly normal things seem extreme ... Needs to stop. It devalues the original meaning. So what if some "influencer" uses it?

Fat"phobic" is nothing comparable to homophobia etc.

Also, grow up.

A) it's not good to be taking your self worth from some scummy man on the street
B) stop generalising. having recently returned from one of the places you mentioned, as a perfectly average (but no hips/bum etc) I also got leered over and all those comments. Just makes a normal person feel a bit dirty frankly.
C) learn to love your body despite what "other people" think
D) body type preference has been a cultural thing, since humans began. It's not new. It's not shocking. It's not revelatory.

There are definitely fat phobic women here. I remember someone posting they would feel chubby at a BMI of 18.5.

It’s interesting from a sociological and cultural point of view, absolutely.

Personally however I couldn’t give a flying fart what men find attractive any more.

"It's not a phobia, it's a preference."

It's more than that. Men will shag fat women, but don't necessarily want to be seen with them in public.

Its not size as much as shape. Women with defined curves, (as in high hip to waist/bust ratio, rather than the modern use of curvy to mean overweight) seem to be considered attractive by a wide pool of men across cultures. There seems to be a 'right and wrong' type of overweight, just as there is a 'right and wrong' type of slim when it comes to male opinion. But given the vast majority of men leave a great deal to be desired in terms of their own physical appearance, and many women wouldn't look at them twice, in reality, they are somewhat deluded to think they can be so choosy, and very presumptuous to venture their opinion at all.

Do you think fat women aren't in relationships, or do you think their partners are not aroused by them?

@StCharlotte

I haven't experienced fat phobia in the UK but yes, on holiday in Tunisia as a pale size 18 in my 20s, I was revered like Marilyn Monroe!

When I went topless it nearly caused a major incident and I hold the memory of that trip close to my heart when I see my middle-aged reflection now

Morocco in my 50s? Invisible.

OMG it's an Islamic country - how many local women did you see topless? In a bikini on the beach? Or even in the sea not fully covered? I expect they were revering (admiring) you as a 'Western slut' of the sort they viewed in porn. There wouldn't have been any respect involved.

Bit fed up of the word ‘phobia’ being thrown around when what you mean is dislike.

Anyway it seems to me that in hot countries where it’s harder to exercise without overheating, people are fatter and thus less judgemental about being fat.

I don’t think it’s’phobic’ to be more attracted to fit healthy people, I think that’s a basic biological instinct.

@Ponoka7

"It's not a phobia, it's a preference."

It's more than that. Men will shag fat women, but don't necessarily want to be seen with them in public.

TBH I see more normal weight men with fat women than the other way around.

@InkySquid

It wouldn't surprise me if in places like Egypt some men target overweight women in the same way as 25 year old bartenders 'fall in love' with 50 year old women who've gone on holiday

Very true. Even in places that like women that are bigger, it's big and curvy - ie. still the beauty standard pretty much. Once again, baiting who they believe to be naive and insecure women (overweight western women). It's not nice to realise, but the sooner some people do, the better tbh.

@Neverreturntoathread

Bit fed up of the word ‘phobia’ being thrown around when what you mean is dislike.

Anyway it seems to me that in hot countries where it’s harder to exercise without overheating, people are fatter and thus less judgemental about being fat.

I don’t think it’s’phobic’ to be more attracted to fit healthy people, I think that’s a basic biological instinct.

Its more than a dislike. Fatphobia is also deep rooted in racism and in places like the US, you can still be fired from your job from being fat. Its also fact that fat people are overlooked medically and more likely to suffer because of it.

You do not get to decide what fatphobia is.

BMI in itself is racist.

Its also not the same to be skinny shamed. Because your body type is still revered as the ideal, you can still shop everywhere, society is set up for your benefit.

Is it horrible? Absolutely, no one should comment on anothers body because its no one elses business. Is it the same as fat shaming? Absolutely not.

These comments show that women are more judgemental about other women than men are! The body “positivity” movement is toxic. They celebrate overweight women but instead of saying “all bodies are beautiful and you should be confident,” they slate thin women.

@Butteryflakycrust83

BMI in itself is racist.

Its also not the same to be skinny shamed. Because your body type is still revered as the ideal, you can still shop everywhere, society is set up for your benefit.

Is it horrible? Absolutely, no one should comment on anothers body because its no one elses business. Is it the same as fat shaming? Absolutely not.

In this context (of this post re. Preferences), fat and skinny Andre directly comparable. If we were talking about actual discrimination you'd be right.

It's not just different beauty standards abroad, there are also different beauty standards among cultures in England.

My white ex-boyfriend (thank God he's an ex) told me that he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore if I put on any more weight (I was a size 12!). He said I was overweight and needed to lose weight (I wasn't).

I had positive compliments, but unfortunately also street harassment from men from other cultures in this country.

I grew up between the UK and the Caribbean. In the Caribbean I was told to be paler and fatter, in the UK browner and thinner. Whatever represented wealth really. Where poor people are hungry and darker from being o/s working on manual labour then the opposite is attractive - when the rich are thin and brown from foreign holidays then that is.

@Butteryflakycrust83 Its also not the same to be skinny shamed. Because your body type is still revered as the ideal, you can still shop everywhere, society is set up for your benefit.

I wish. Vanity sizing means clothes don’t fit.

Where is your evidence for “fat phobia”? Perhaps it comes down to preferences?

Some of it has to do with class and money. Overweight people in some developing countries are assumed to be wealthy or of high class whereas in the UK the opposite is true. Overweight people are stereotyped to be in the lower classes and fit, athletic people are assumed to higher class.