Western men fat phobia!

[rosieej]

*as a generalization

Why have I noticed when I moved to countries like Lebanon, Egypt, bigger women with bigger features /bum, bellies etc are given way more compliments and it's the opposite in the west, it's seen as ideal to be slim there (in general, I don't agree with that ofc) and some men have even told me years ago they can't date me as they'd me embarrassed to be seen with a 'fat girl'(years ago, I'm around a size 18, much more confident now tho)

I find in Ireland and Uk most men don't give bigger women (me) a second glance and ALOT of them have fat phobia yet where I live now people actually stop me to compliment my bigger body and I've never gotten as much attention at this weight..

What is that about! even women stopping to call me a 'duck' which is seen as a compliment or a 'mozza' which is seen as a sexualised curvy woman...and men worshipping big curves etc.

Possibly all due to sex I suppose..

But it's weird. Anyone else noticed anything similar? Or share stories of any experiences with fat phobia in the west. It's major in the west imo. Of course not all men but quite a lot

@felulageller

There is such a thing as fatphobia.

I've been slim, obese and everything between. People massively discriminate against you for being obese. I didn't realise how bad this was until I lost a lot of weight.

Being fat is not an innate characteristic. Being judged for something you do in your life isn't nice but it doesn't mean people are phobic. Before you comment that being fat isn't in your control I'm obese and it definitely is.

@NightmareSlashDelightful

Christ alive

Can we not do better than rating ourselves over how men in the street view our bodies???

Exactly right

NightmareSlashDelightful

Christ alive

Can we not do better than rating ourselves over how men in the street view our bodies???

This, this, this!

I don’t like the word fat phobia for this reason weight stigma is a better word for what it try’s to convey

I agree with you. Mum and I often discuss ( not seriously) moving so we can be treated as goddesses!

@VashtaNerada
Less than 2% of people classed a underweight in the UK and 28% overweight. So which do you think is the bigger issue?

It isn’t a phobia, not everyone is attracted to someone who is obese. I’m not attracted to overweight men - to me they look like they lack self control, self respect and can’t look after themselves properly.

@Tidlo

It's A LOT, not ALOT

In her last sentence, OP used 'a lot' correctly, so the first one was obviously a mistake.

The way I see it is that western women are encouraged from an early age to be fatphobic, that is, to have an irrational fear of getting fat, and to hate themselves if they are fat. From acquaintances and men in the street telling me "You'll get faaaat!" if they see me eating, to various boyfriends, about a month into a relationship, telling me I've put on weight when I haven't, to older relatives greeting younger ones by telling them they've got fat, this behaviour is obvious to me, and I've always been thin.

Just because they don't find your attractive it doesn't mean they have any sort of phobia. In different cultures people find different features attractive. It's been like that for 000s years.

@MiniTheMinx

Having a preference and having a phobia are not the same thing.

🙌🙌🙌

@Tidlo

It's A LOT, not ALOT

Grammar police alert! However, there should be a full stop at the end of your sentence.

@MiniTheMinx

Having a preference and having a phobia are not the same thing.

👏🏼

I'm not attracted to overweight / fat men, it's not a phobia, it's just not what I am attracted to.

rosieej, I am really interested in how you have arrived at the conclusion that men not having a preference for you and your body type makes them phobic. Phobia implies repulsed, afraid, fearful, avoidant, extreme irrational fear. Its a negative feeling. How can you jump from not very bothered, not interested to extreme irrational response? Are you a bit sore that some men don't find you attractive?

I'm not blonde, and I'm not big. I look Arab and am very small (albeit quite pale, and have ME in my paternal line). I got plenty of attention in the middle East, and in North Africa. The fact is that men behave differently in these cultures. They find it acceptable to be pushy and make unsolicited comments. Much less so in Western Europe. And IME my fatter friends get more attention from English men, whilst I get a lot of attention from ME men, especially Turkish men.

In conclusion, my experience is very different to yours. I've always been of the opinion that if any man doesn't like what he sees he can go look elsewhere, because my self esteem is not determined by what random men think.

@SauceGirl
"VashtaNerada
Less than 2% of people classed a underweight in the UK and 28% overweight. So which do you think is the bigger issue?"

A seriously underweight person is more at risk of imminent health issues than a majority of overweight people.

Overweight is not healthy granted, however it is a slower impact than seriously underweight, there are relatively fewer people who are in that seriously overweight bracket (eg bmi over 40 so morbidly obese) which is about 3.3%.

And while we as a society and individuals need to tackle this as a health issue the vitriol and societal disgust applied to overweight people is neither right or helpful.

Agree with what folk are saying. Preference is not phobia. I don't owe my sexual attraction to anyone, of any body type. Random men saying things to you in the street is not the measure of your beauty or worth.

But also you're right that socially there is pressure to think of larger people as unattractive, and that is bullshit. Whenever I've expressed that I find an overweight man attractive, I've been literally and openly mocked by both men and women. Luckily I don't care and wasn't looking to date, but if I did care and had been considering dating those men, it might well have put me off.

@Tidlo

It's A LOT, not ALOT

Dyslexiphobia?

It's just cultural beauty standards. UK has a different standard to Egypt which has a different standard to Korea, etc. Not fatphobia.

You could also ask why men in some countries find fat/overweight women attractive.

I don't find obese men sexually attractive. I'm fat phobic now?

I’m naturally thin (I eat proper meals and don’t restrict) and I’ve endured thinphobia. Women (rather than men) telling me that I need to “fatten up” or “just have a burger” or saying I have an ED. Many shops use “vanity sizing” so the UK size 4-6 fits size 10 women.

I think Lunch Box Police had made a valid point.
Fat people can be viewed as greedy and lacking in self control, in some cultures, or knowing how to enjoy the good things in life in others.

Being underweight causes health problems to those people affected by it, which may or may not be less of a problem than the health problems caused by obesity. but putting underweight people on a pedestal causes huge mental harm to people across the weight spectrum.

Lord, give me patience. I know it's not a phobia, im just using that word that's been thrown around instagram all the time. What I mean is why do western men seem to find bigger women less attractive than middle eastern men do?

And the amount of times I have been mocked for being fat in the west compared to the East.

It’s pretty widely known that sexually physical attractive features vary between cultures and over history. It’s not some new shocking revelation.